Curriculum Vitae
by Mizu-Tenshi
Summary: KuroFai. Another world, another job, and Kurogane and Fai are building one huge resume. Occupation twenty six: Trust takes years to build and seconds to shatter but they won't lose their trust in each other, though a child's song pulls them towards death
1. Barber

Oh no, yet another collection of KuroFai drabbles. You have been warned! Made a few corrections. Thanks to Ueste for pointing them out.

* * *

**Occupation one: Barber**

Fai was sweeping strands of hair from the tiled floor when Kurogane entered. Brushing his hands down on his apron, he raised his head and smiled as if he had been expecting the taller man for a while.

"Kuro-gon, welcome! We're closed right now but welcome anyway," he grinned, leaning onto his broom.

Kurogane muttered something under his breath, sweeping his gaze over the small shop - the waiting tables and racks full of magazines, the mirrors and spinning chairs, the shelves full of bottles and baskets full of brushes. In a quiet corner of the barbershop, Sakura was sweeping all sorts of hair into a pile, the gentle swish, swish of her broom whispering over the floor.

"How's business been going?" Kurogane asked, casually propping himself against the wall.

"Pretty good, especially with a cute helper like Sakura-chan," Fai gestured towards Sakura who, noticing Kurogane for the first time, straightened and bowed in acknowledgement.

"I'm surprised that you haven't shaved someone bald yet," the ninja muttered.

"Only when they ask." Fai 's eyes flickered to the darkening sky.

Evening was swooping in and the streetlights outside were just beginning to flicker on one by one. The lights inside the barbershop were dim, signifying the end of the working day and the closure of the business until the next morning.

"Ah, Sakura-chan, that last customer left his coat behind. Would you run after him?" Fai suddenly announced as his gaze crossed over a lonely black raincoat hanging by the door.

Sakura propped her broom against the wall and left the pile of hair by the bin. She nodded and eagerly dashed out of the door.

A second later, the door opened again and a hand snagged the coat off of its peg before closing the door again.

"Eager, isn't she?" Kurogane commented dryly.

"Sakura-chan is always a hard worker," Fai stowed the brooms away.

The wizard's hair had gotten longer over the past few months. Kurogane had not noticed just how long it had become until Fai's blond locks were in danger of touching his shoulders.

He had never asked just why the wizard had chosen his current occupation as a barber; all Fai had said was that it was a job that would provide them with a steady stream of information. You would be surprised how much a person could talk whilst someone else held a razor to their face.

The ninja sighed and ran a hand through his hair. His own hair had grown too, and to a useless length whereupon the front was too short to be tied into a tail but long enough to dangle in front of his eyes and generally get in the way. It needed a cut. As a warrior, he could not allow his fighting to be affected by troublesome hair, and though Kurogane found all barbers to be of a particularly evil breed, as the saying went, better the devil you know.

However, there was nothing worse than having to ask that wizard for a favour. In fact, he loathed asking the wizard for anything. Fai had not moved but was smiling inanely, though he knew well what Kurogane wanted. The ninja would not put it past Fai to take every opportunity to tease him.

They stared at each other whilst the hands of the clock moved inch by inch, Kurogane scowling, Fai smiling.

"Just trim it," he finally gave in, sighing with exasperation as he made his way over to the chair.

"Wai! Kuro-chi's letting me cut his hair!" Fai burst from his motionless posture into a flurry of excitement and Kurogane could only roll his eyes and wonder what kind of catastrophe would occur.

"If you mess it up, I'll skewer you!" he warned as Fai spread a towel over his shoulders, humming happily as he worked.

Fai nodded happily under the ninja's careful surveillance. Kurogane warily watched Fai's reflection in the mirror as the wizard ran a brush through his black hair.

"Oh!"

"What?" Kurogane jerked away from the scissors in Fai's hands.

"Just kidding!" Fai twirled the scissors in a manner that would have made any health and safety inspector gawk.

Feeling veins throbbing on his temples, the ninja shook a threatening fist at the grinning wizard. "Honestly, I swear, I'll - "

"Sit down, Kuro-pun, I'm not done yet," Fai gently pressed Kurogane's shoulders down until the disgruntle ninja returned to his seat.

Normally, Kurogane would not have let Fai so close while he held a sharp object in his hands, that was much like allowing a homicidal lunatic to wield a chainsaw. Yet he had to admit that Fai's fingers through his hair and the gentle snip, snip of hair falling felt quite relaxing.

"Y'know, there's something symbolic about getting your hair cut. Like shedding away the old you and becoming someone new," Fai murmured. He combed out the hair and measured it with his fingers before deciding whether it was chop-worthy or not.

Strands of black fell past Kurogane's face. Fai's fingers moved slowly, running through his hair almost teasingly. Each time he brushed out his hair with gentle tenderness. Snip.

Fai's focused expression in the mirror, was a rewarding sight from the usual plastic smiles and fake laughter; Fai's eyelids fluttered half-closed in a gentle, absorbed expression. Kurogane found himself so lost in it that he hardly noticed the ceasing of the scissors or Fai placing the brush on the table until the towel around his shoulders was removed.

"It's done," Fai announced; softly shaking out the towel.

The ninja ran his hand through his much shorter hair. It appeared to be back to how it had been when he had first began his journey with the crackpot wizard, the two children and the stuffed pork bun. Most importantly of all, there were no bald spots that he could see.

Mumbling his thanks, he brushed himself down and made for the door but Fai caught his hand.

"Wait. My payment."

"You're charging me?" Kurogane stared at the wizard incredulously.

"Of course, Kuro-chi!" Fai giggled.

"Lousy cheapskate!"

Fai's expression softened. He gently rapped his knuckles against the ninja's forehead; though he had to reach up to do so. "Don't look so sour," he smiled slyly, "you'll have to pay me one way or another, whether in money form or…"

Before Kurogane could react, Fai reached up and wrapped his arms around him, planting a light kiss on his lips. Kurogane thought that he felt shock running through him but he had no time to confirm this emotion before Fai's lips were pressed harder against his own. Whatever emotion had passed through him, died within an instant and he responded just as fervently.

Fai's hands travelled down Kurogane's back, to his hips, and he eased out the wallet from the ninja's back pocket.

* * *

That's the end of drabble number one. Any suggestions for jobs are welcome. So far, I only have busker and teacher planned. 


	2. Teacher

Sorry for the long wait. i must thank everyone for being patient and especially to those who gave me career ideas.

Anyway, a different take on KuroFai. It may eem strange butI wanted to use a different style and write from someone else's POV.

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**Occupation two: Teacher**

The hallways were darkening as the sun dipped below the horizon. Windows were open doors to the last traces of golden light, spilling unto an otherwise shadowy floor. The rooms were all empty now; tables and chairs left in neat rows for the next day, and the corridors lay deserted.

The whispering of a broom across the ground was the only indication of life. The girl swept the dry bristles across the floor, gathering dust and dirt from within the cupboard out into the open corridor, to the waiting mouth of her dustpan.

Sighing wearily, she stopped to lean against the wooden handle. Five down, one more to go. Just one more cupboard and her work would be done.

Through the silence, echoing footsteps approached her, heels clicking against the hard floor. The girl straightened and turned.

"Hey, Esther, it's almost dark."

"Just a minute, Momo, I can't leave until all the supply cupboards are clean."

The girl opened her dustpan and ushered in another clump of dust, sighing at her miserable fortune whilst her friend merely watched the broom making circles in the dirt.

"Detention again?" Momo watched the broom fixedly. "Which one was it?"

Esther propped her broom against the wall and ventured further into the cupboard. Paper and pencils were scattered across the floor and the shelves were lopsided and disarrayed.

"Does it matter?" she sighed. "Both of them live just to torture me."

Momo leant besides the broom, making no effort to help. "Fai-sensei's cute and he has a nice smile but I suppose he can be a devil in disguise, and as for Kurogane-sensei…I suppose, being ruggedly handsome, he must have a mean streak," she pondered before bursting into a fit of glee. "Kyaa! Esther-  
chan! You're so lucky that two hot teachers give you so much attention!"

"They're killing me! Look at this!" Ether shoved her white school journal into her friend's starry-eyed face.

XX

**The homework record of Esther Malinuv**

Homework set: 27 Feb

Set by: Fai-sensei (Head of general studies)

Task: To create a list of twenty nicknames that can be derived from the name 'Kurogane.' (A prize will be offered to the cutest nickname)

XX

**Detention notification**

Issued to: Esther Malinuv Class 13B

Issued by: Kurogane-sensei (Head of physical education)

Reasons for detainment: For the inappropriate use of a derogative honorific when addressing a teacher. Unless student wishes to form an intimate relationship, she should refrain from using the name Kuro-  
koo and address a member of staff as appropriate.

Punishment: Ten laps around the field.

XX

**The homework record of Esther Malinuv**

Homework set: 28 Feb

Set by: Fai-sensei (Head of general studies)

Task: To create papier-mâché dogs from newspaper and coloured tissue. The larger the better. Statues to be left to dry in the P.E cupboard

XX

**The homework record of Esther Malinuv**

Homework set: 28 Feb

Set by: Kurogane-sensei (Head of physical education)

Task: To relate the burning of calories in the human body to the burning of papier-mâché dogs. One hundred words minimum.

XX Detention notification

Issued to: Esther Malinuv Class 13B

Issued by: Fai-sensei (Head of general studies)

Reasons for detainment: For risking the safety of all students and staff and sabotaging the work of fellow students by setting alight papier-mâché dogs.

Punishment: Student is charged with the task of delivering a bento box to the P.E department for the next two weeks

XX

**The homework record of Esther Malinuv**

Homework set: 1 March

Set by: Kurogane-sensei (Head of physical education)

Task: To test the aerodynamics of different foodstuffs. Students will use the ridiculously sweet contents of the bento boxes as arrows.

XX

**The homework record of Esther Malinuv**

Homework set: 2 March

Set by: Fai-sensei (Head of general studies)

Task: To prepare for White day, students must decorate certain parts of the school. Area charged to Esther Malinuv: the P.E. hall.

XX

**The homework record of Esther Malinuv**

Homework set: 2 March

Set by: Kurogane-sensei (Head of physical education)

Task: To practice the high jump. Extra points will be awarded to students that can take down a paper heart at the same time.

XX

**Detention notification**

Issued to: Esther Malinuv Class 13B

Issued by: Fai-sensei (Head of general studies)

Reasons for detainment: For destroying seasonal decorations

Punishment: Student is charged with the task of delivering a note to Kurogane-sensei during the lunch hour

XX

**Detention notification**

Issued to: Esther Malinuv Class 13B

Issued by: Kurogane-sensei (Head of physical education)

Reasons for detainment: For entering the P.E office unauthorised.

Punishment: Student is charged with the task of cleaning all supply cupboards in school

XX

"Sometimes, I think that they go out of their way just to punish me," Esther sighed as she slammed shut the last cupboard on the upper floor. Sometimes, she wondered why such a small school needed such large cupboards. Each room left her with a thin sheen of sweat across her forehead.

Momo, deciding to tag along, carried her buckets and brooms down the dim corridors. "Hey, didn't you clean these cupboards last week?"

"I did but they always end up in a mess again. It really is a mystery," Esther sighed. She would not have been surprised to discover a phantom messing up each cupboard after she was done, just to give her more work.

"The school is creepy when it's so empty," Momo muttered.

Esther rolled her eyes. Just one more cupboard, just one more and that would be it. Just one more cupboard and then that would be the end.

"Last one," she breathed pure relief. Setting down her cleaning tools, she eagerly slid the door open.

Images and thoughts bombarded her mind. It was impossible to say which came first as they flooded into her in one jumbled heap, but she could definitely say, without a doubt, that the most prominent of her thoughts was the following:

_Oh…my…God_

What did she see first? Perhaps it was the papers strewn across the floor or the boxes lying in tumbled heaps. Perhaps it was the spare panes of glass, misted over by heat, or the tilting racks. Perhaps it was the two teachers lying in the midst of it all, one on top of the other, with hair in disarray and clothing half-open.

Yes, it was most definitely the teachers.

Fai-sensei's zipped was partially undone, his hands above his head, bound by a stripped tie. Kurogane-sensei's stripped tie to be exact.

It all clicked now - the reason why the cupboards were always messy, why someone was always charged with cleaning them up afterwards - it all clicked! They were the ones making the mess, caught in their little...love tangles!

Esther stared at her teachers and they returned the favour. Frozen in the midst of their 'activities,' Kurogane-sensei's hand was hovering just above a place Esther no longer wanted to look.

In what must have been a delayed reaction, she grabbed the door handle and shut it on her teachers, pressing her back to the door and breathing heavily.

Had her eyes played tricks on her? Had she really seen that or had it all been a figment of her over-worked mind?

Glancing at Momo, her face had completely glazed over. Even waving her hand in front of her face, Esther could not bring her friend back to reality.

In that case, perhaps she better check again.

Throwing the door open, she was only half-prepared for what lay before her - both teachers, as they had been before, frozen and staring wide-eyed at her second intrusion.

Esther slammed the door shut again.

She could not count the seconds or minutes that passed. It was real, it was all definitely, without a doubt, real! Her heart was pounding above the sound of the door sliding open behind her. She played the few glimpses of what she had seen over and over, like a stuck tape, over and over.

Teachers. Hotness. Dishevelled clothing. Hotness. Hair in disarray. Panting. Hotness. Possible, implied, adult situations. Lots and lots of panting!

"Malinuv-san," Fai-sensei's light voice ripped her from her trance.

"Y - Yes!" Esther barked

"Detention."

"W - What?" she stuttered.

"For interrupting us in the middle of an important meeting, that's why." Kurogane-sensei joined them, adjusting his tie as if it had not just been used to bind Fai-sensei's wrists.

Life was so tragically cruel.

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That was my first time using an OC as a plot device. It was hard. Hehe, I did my best to cut down on the cheesecake if you know whatI mean.


	3. Actor

Thanks to everyone for being so patient. I'm working through all the suggestions now.

Warning for this chapter - It's not for the squeamish.

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**Actor**

XX

Kurogane ran up the stone steps, skipping two at a time, his eyes constantly trained on the fleeting figure of the man racing in front of him.

The steps spiralled upwards, lined by torches that flared from their sconces. Lights flickered as he passed them, melding into one, long, indistinguishable blur. The cracked, blue-grey stone rose higher and steeper until finally levelling out into a narrow passageway. Heavy-set, wooden doors lined the right hand side, of which his quarry had entered the first.

Kurogane did not slow down as he burst through the door, wincing slightly as his shoulder slammed into the hard wood.

The bedchamber was small, dark and dingy. A single torch burnt away the shadows to create a small island of light. A four-poster bed skulked in the corner, blanketed in darkness. A broken table rested near the glass door to the outside.

Fai was on the balcony, leaning on the railings and breathing heavily, exhausted from his run up the stairs. Red flowers and sprawling golden ivy snaked up his white robe, a perfect contrast to the black and dark blue hues that Kurogane wore.

Fai turned to face Kurogane, pressing himself as far back as possible. Squirming further back still as Kurogane slowly advanced. The larger man used his weight and height advantage to press the smaller of the two against the balcony ledge.

Placing his hands on either side, Kurogane pinned Fai under him. The blond man glared at the self-  
satisfied smirk gracing his captor's face. He squirmed underneath him, trying to get break free but Kurogane pressed closer.

Then Fai slapped him.

The harsh smack of the blond's hand against his cheek and the stinging red mark that it left did not surprise him the slightest. Kurogane grabbed Fai's wrist, almost crushing it in his hand.

"That hurt," he growled, throwing him to the floor. Fai cried out as he hit the floor, tumbling across the cold floor. Before he could move, Kurogane was on top of him, pinning him to the floor. "You're not a man who likes pain, are you?"

"W - what are you trying to do?" Fai squirmed but could not break free.

He grinned. "What do you want me to do?"

"D - don't! Don't…" Fai's feeble protests were swiftly silenced as the taller man swooped downwards, pressing his lips against his captive's.

Kurogane's fingers played with the hem of Fai's robe, slowly easing it open to reveal a bare chest bathed in dim candlelight.

Fai watched the man on top of him with bated breath; his cheeks coloured crimson in the gloom. Kurogane smirked and lowered his body, mouth slightly parted, he turned his lips towards the pale neck of his captive and -

"CUT!"

Kurogane jumped to his feet in surprise. The whole chamber suddenly lit up in a string of electrical lights and the cameramen lowered their gear with exhausted sighs.

"Aww, we were so close to the climax!" Fai grumbled, sitting up to close the top of his robe.

The director was a thin, reedy man, gawky and with awkward limbs that swayed as he walked on to the set. He frowned at the electric lights, then at his two actors, adjusting his glasses for a better view. "Fai-san! You're too eager! You give in too easy. You have to resist! Make Kurogane-san work, give him a tough job seducing you!" he spoke passionately, waving his arms in wild, meaningless gestures.

"Yes."

"And Kurogane-san," the director rounded upon the taller man. "You're too gentle. You're meant to be a ruthless overlord! After he slaps you, grab his hand and pull him towards you then smack him against the floor! You gotta slam him! Wham!"

"Err…yeah," Kurogane nodded, though utterly deadpan, he was inwardly wincing at the director's crude use of language.

"You don't look convinced," the director stared up at him sceptically. "Let me show you."

"No, I think that it'll be okay," Fai quickly stood before their employer could get on top of him and show them a 'working example.'

XX

**Cover the children's eyes. Scene five. Take two.**

"D - don't! Don't…" Fai squirmed as Kurogane swooped downwards, pressing his lips against his.

"Why not? You're loving it, aren't you?" he smirked.

Fai's resistance only made him more alluring; his eyes were heavy-lidded, mouth slight parted, cheeks tinged with pink.

Kurogane's mouth moved towards Fai's neck, pressing his lips and sucking hard, leaving a passionate red mark. He ran his hands across Fai's chest and then moved downwards, further down, eliciting a small "Ah" from Fai's lips.

Off came the bottom part of the robe and -

"CUT!"

Fai sighed. With a decreasing amount of patience and an increasing urge to hit the director, Kurogane clambered off of Fai to meet the sullen frown of their employer.

Without a moment's glance, the director brushed past him and towards the blond man.

"Fai-san, what the heck? You're being seduced by a powerful, handsome overlord and all you can say is 'Ah'?" he mimickedthe feeble gasp.

Fai closed his robe over his body. "You want it to be more graphic?"

"The audience isn't looking for a little piggy squeal. Put some feel into it!" the director cried. "Like, AHHH!"

"O - okay."

XX

**Cover the children's eyes. Scene five. Take three.**

"Why not? You're loving it, aren't you?" Kurogane smirked.

His mouth moved towards Fai's neck, pressing his lips and sucking hard, leaving a passionate red mark. He ran his hands across Fai's chest and then moved downwards.

"Ahhh!"

Fai cried out as Kurogane laid him bare and -

"CUT!"

"That son of a - "

Kurogane drew a long breath, bracing himself against the urges to commit violent acts of brutality and murder most foul that bombarded his inner being.

"Kurogane-san…" the director sighed, shaking his head from left to right. "You know what, I'm thinking that this whole scene is a mistake. It's not really necessary. It would be much more tasteful if we simply hinted the scene and left the rest to the audience's imagination."

Kurogane stared at the reedy man as if he had grown an extra head. It took all his training to resist the temptation of punching the man where it would most likely hurt the most.

Fai on, the other hand, look positively horrified. "We worked for seven hours straight on this scene!"

"Okay, let's try it one more time, but if it doesn't work out…" the director trailed off, though his silence told them all that they needed to know.

XX

**Cover the children's eyes. Scene five. Take four.**

Fai's screams echoed across the dingy walls.

"You're mine. You completely belong to me. I own you," Kurogane's hot breath tickled Fai's ear.

Kurogane's own robe began to loosen and he moved his body down, slipping his hands between -

"CUT! That's it! We're scrapping this scene!"

His fingers crawed towards Fai's -

"Kurogane-san, Fai-san, can you hear me? I said cut!"

Entering into -

"CUT!"

Fai cried at the sudden force and Kurogane grinned and -

"CUT, DAMMIT! CUT!"

* * *

In order to keep the rating a T, I cut out most of the graphicness but you can always use your imagination. Those two so fired. 


	4. Gardener

It's been a long time but finally an update! I can't thank everyone enough for all the ideas they've submitted. I promise to get round to do each and every single one as soon as possible. This was actually lying half-finished for months on my computer. I'm not that hard-working!

XX

**Occupation four - Gardener**

XX

"Damn pollen, damn, stupid flowers," Kurogane muttered, kicking at the golden heads of random dandelions they had not yet pulled.

"Don't touch it, you'll make it worse," Fai cautioned as the ninja made to rub his sore eyes.

Kurogane blinked, squeezing his eyes open and shut. "I shouldn't be here. I wouldn't be here if I had a choice, if this whole damn country wasn't covered in flowers!" the sullen ninja cursed.

The two of them stood in a garden. At least, they thought it was a garden. A garden with no walls that stretched into eternity. Hedges grew in wild tangles and flowerbeds were spilling over with brightly coloured buds. The grass grew long and wild and spread below them like a blanket of emerald.

Their fool of an employer had given Kurogane a mask to keep away the pollen but that did nothing for his eyes. It did not help that the whole country seemed steeped in an obsession of flower power and growing those stupid, bright, annoying, plants over the entire city.

Fai knelt down besides the watering cans, running his finger along the different colours, trying to decide which colour to use. He hummed as his finger hovered over the cans

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Of course not!" Fai admonished, which, in the language of Fai, meant 'You're damn right, I am.'

Kurogane cast the blond a glare, which the language of Kurogane meant, 'One day, you'll feel this pain,' and since both were well versed in the other's language - courtesy of six months glaring and grinning at each other in Yamano - their respective glares and grins only intensified.

"I'm going to wash my face," the ninja muttered and retired to an old shanty hut erected quite bizarrely amongst a semicircle of naked cupid statues not three feet away from them.

He sighed as he hauled himself up, listening to the wooden stairs creak under his weight. Flinging open the door to the dilapidated hut, he made straight for the brass taps, turning them until crystal water came flooding out. Removing his mask, he cupped the liquid as it spilled over his hands and threw it onto his face.

"No wonder I feel like crap," he muttered, groping blindly for a towel.

His hands itched to rub his eyes again but he refrained from doing so, knowing that it would only make them worse. He blinked several times, hoping to worm the pollen from his eyes. Damn flowers. He never knew that he could get hay fever this badly. He never even knew that he suffered from hay fever. His hands went to his eyes.

As he returned, he noticed the sound of water had stopped. In its place was a light snipping sound, short and snappy, originating from the flowerbeds where Fai was crouching.

"What are you doing?"

"Cutting back the flower beds," he replied. "You have to snip the buds sometimes in order for the whole bush to thrive."

Kurogane surveyed the plants growing in tangles one above the other. Their leaves strangled the opposing plant, fighting for as much water, soil and sun as possible. Most were still green with bright buds closed like little scallop shells around the stalk.

"These buds haven't even opened yet," he muttered, not that he cared what actually happened to the things.

"Well, you have to get them young!" Fai cheerfully piped. "Don't make that face, it may hurt now but it's better for them in the long run."

The ninja sighed and shrugged and raised his fist, bringing it down on the magicians blond head.

Fai jumped and dropped his pair of cutters. He made a curious sound - something akin to a half-yelp, half-strangled meow. Kurogane made note to remember that sound for future reference; it could become his next weapon of offence.

"It may hurt now but it's better for you in the long run. Maybe now your brain will get enough oxygen," he muttered.

Fai stood, rubbing his tender head. "Well, I assure you that all my teasing and name-calling will definitely be beneficial for your future," he pulled a face at him and the ninja glared back.

Kurogane grabbed one of the watering cans, sloshing its contents over the bed. Fai jumped and tried to grab the can away, crying. "You're gonna waterlog the flowers!" as if he really cared for the plants he was cutting back just moments ago.

"Like I care about the damn flowers!" he clicked his tongue in annoyance, holding the can high above his head, much too high for someone of Fai's height to reach without jumping. For what they had done to his nose, they could all wither and die.

Fai pulled back, realising that jumping for the can was getting him nowhere. Kurogane grinned, having finally forced the magician to back down.

Until Fai grabbed another can and threw its contents all over him.

He winced as cold water hit his face with such force that it caused his skin to slightly sting. He dropped the can he was holding and glared down at the guilty blond. Fai stared back at him with a blinding grin.

Then all hell broke loose.

Kurogane was just able to grab Fai's watering can from his grip before the insane magician went speeding off into the distance crying, "Wah! Mad dog on the loose!" and inciting him to give further chase.

He hounded the blond in and out the oddly shaped hedges and through the long grass, running through and open field full of flowers. It would be the perfect movie cliché if only Fai were not running away from Kurogane, and if only the ninja was not brandishing a brightly coloured water can, yelling all sorts of obscenities in the magician's direction.

Fai was sprightly, exploding in short bursts of speed every now and then, but the ninja behind him ran at a constant speed and was slowly catching up to his prey. In one, daring leap, Kurogane grappled the man by his waist and brought him down. Fai fell with a small "oomph" and rolled over. He tried to pin the lithe man wriggling beneath him but the man's limbs seemed to be everywhere and before he knew it he was wrestling on his side then lying perfectly still on his back.

Fai was sitting on top of him, grinning triumphantly and Kurogane could only wonder how the man managed to wriggle his way on top without much effort.

However, all thoughts of a further wrestling match were suddenly halted by the sudden intrusion of his personal space. If the damn magician sitting on top of him was not already an infringement of his space, then the sudden lowering of his face certainly was.

Fai never stopped grinning as he placed his hands on either side of Kurogane's head, bringing his face closer and closer. "You smell like flowers," he whispered, their noses almost touching.

Kurogane considered whether he should be insulted. He was a hardened, well-trained ninja. He did not need to be walking around smelling of flowers!

Yet Fai's nose was almost touching his and he could feel the magician's breath tickling his skin and decided he would let this insult slide for now. Fai's whole body was leaning into him when suddenly, the mage jerked back.

Kurogane blinked and propped himself onto his elbows. He was about to ask what was wrong when he heard a small "ah-choo!" and for once it was not from him. It was too light and prissy to be his sneeze. He stared at Fai.

"Oh sorry," the magician sniffed, rubbing his nose.

Then he sneezed again.

And again.

And once more.

Kurogane pulled his mask down, allowing the mage to bask in his victorious, albeit lop-sided, grin. He loved flowers, he really did.

XX

Wow, one of my shortest chapters ever! The next installment will be...I'm not sure.


	5. Taxi driver

Wow, I think that this is my quickest update ever. To make up for the shortness of last chapter, I present to you a longer one. A rather unusual job, I know but Kurogane and Fai are multi-talented people!

XX

**Taxi driver**

XX

Kurogane leant against the bright yellow car, arms neatly folded over his chest, his eyes closed and his face caught in a perpetual frown. This world was full of noise and disgusting smells that aggravated him to no end.

Currently, he was surrounded by several identical yellow cars parked in one long line by the curb. A loud honk from the car in front caused him to open his eyes, giving the man in front of him an irritated glare.

"Hey, check this out, Kuro-sama," Fai yelled above the atrocious noises the horn made. "We never had anything like this is Celes!" he laughed.

The mage loved it. Of course, he seemed to love just about every world they came to. The noise and bustle of a thriving civilisation suited him just fine and the mage devoured new ideas and inventions with the enthusiasm of a child. Kurogane could not stand it. He did not even like this job. He had only agreed upon this because learning to drive would be useful practice and this world did not require one to hold a licence.

"You'll scare all your customers away like that," he grumbled as Fai continued to slam the butt of his palm into the horn.

The mage stepped out of the car, slamming the door shut with his hips. Kurogane felt himself turn away sharply at the sound of the door clicking shut. He acknowledged the fact that Fai had curves no man should rightly have, the problem was that Fai knew it too and the blond seemed to go out of his way to make sure that Kurogane did not forget.

Fai walked over to Kurogane's car, patting the large sign on the roof that said 'taxi' in the country's language. "As least I'm friendly. I bet that I'll make more money than you."

Kurogane turned to the grinning mage. "Oh, and what do you want to bet against?" he asked. If he was not so bored he would have ignored the man but he was never one to back down from a challenge and the car fumes had gotten to his head.

Fai pondered for a moment. "If I can make more money than you, you have to treat me to a banana chocolate sundae every day!"

Kurogane made a vague, disgusted sound in his throat. Trust the mage to want something sweet and sugary. Something sweet and sugary and expensive.

"Fine," he grunted, "but if I make more money, you have to be my slave for a week."

Fai smiled. The race was on.

XX

Kurogane's frown was beginning to make a permanent indention on his face. Fai had long since driven off, leaving with some official-looking suit whilst he remained stranded in the depot. He clicked his tongue in annoyance. If only the princess were old enough to gamble. The under twenty-one age restriction was ridiculous!

He sat in the driver's seat, resting his head in his hands. His eyes traced the figure of a portly man walking in front of his taxi. The man turned and walked alongside the car. Kurogane sat up.

The man stopped, hesitating before the passenger door.

With an irritated grunt, the ninja leaned over and rolled down the windows. "Hey, where to?"

The man jumped. His eyes shifted everywhere. He had large eyes. Large, dark eyes that seemed constantly glazed over. He hesitated again then opened the back door and slid in. "The docks please," he said, disregarding the 'Please wear your seatbelt' sign.

"Sure," he grunted and applied the gas.

The taxi began gliding down the motorway, running smoothly along a grey road with little traffic to speak of. In the rear view mirror, he glanced towards the man, his passenger, shifting on his seat. He was a short man, slightly portly but not quite fat. He had a fine mop of dark hair and wore a suit, which seemed to bother him as he was constantly tugging at it, loosening his tie and fiddling with the buttons of his shirt.

"Are you hot?" Kurogane glanced over his shoulder.

"No, just nervous," the man smiled weakly. He had an odd way of speaking, as if he was constantly out of breath. He tapped a metal suitcase. "I'm supposed to deliver something really important. No one else wants to do it so they shove the task onto the lowest person on the pole."

"Yeah, I'm sure your life sucks."

"It's my fault really. I always screw up," he shook his head. "My boss says this is my last chance. I have a wife and kids for God's sake!" he cried. "I tell them that I'm just not capable but they won't listen! They just keep demanding and demanding and demanding! What's a guy supposed to do? My co-workers abuse me, little children make fun of me, I'm a disgrace to my family! Life sucks!"

"Hey, do you mind if I turn on the radio?"

XX

Fai tapped his fingers against the wheel, humming a mindless tune. The man in the back was a terse man; sitting up straight in a suit that seemed freshly washed and ironed. He was a bald man; hair shaved by the looks of things. Fai's eyes drifted to the rear view mirror where he could glance at how stiffly the man sat, wearing a deep frown, which he directed at his own knees.

"So, why are you two going there? Business or…"

"Business," the man spoke abruptly.

Fai leaned into the leather of the seat. "Oh, what do you do?"

The bald man refused to answer.

"Lovely!" he exclaimed. "So, how about some music? What's your favourite station?"

"Please keep your eyes on the road."

XX

The warehouse was blanketed by darkness, swamped by shadows that climbed the walls and slid across the floor, waiting to waylay an unsuspecting intruder. Dust and dirt had taken up permanent residence, creating the ideal environment for all creatures small and slimy.

Sakura crept behind her protector, almost stepping on his heels. "Syaoran-kun…" she trembled, keeping a hand on his shoulder at all times.

"Just stay close to me," he whispered. His flashlight swept across the empty floor, over the boxes and crates in the corner where things with eyes warily peered at him.

Ushering her towards a stack of wooden crates, they took refuge behind the broken wooden boards. It was almost time.

XX

Normally, Kurogane would have just left the man to drive himself off of a bridge by now. There was only so much wailing one could take but to quit now would mean to loose to that annoying, giggling, mage. To stop driving would mean buying Fai a banana chocolate sundae every day for as long as they stayed in this world. He would not allow it. He could not allow it. Not only was he naturally opposed to all dairy products, his pride would not allow defeat.

"She's cheating on me, I know it!" the man wailed, burying his head in his hands. "What am I supposed to tell the children? They both know that daddy's a failure!"

Kurogane's eyes shifted to the rear view mirror where his customer was currently steeped in depression. "I know a great place where you can buy some cement shoes," he suggested, utterly deadpan but the man shook his head and rambled on, showing no indication of ever hearing him.

"She thinks that I have no idea what she's been up to with that macho, hunk, co-worker of hers!" he continued to wail.

"We're here," he sighed, thankfully applying the brakes.

The man suddenly looked up, glancing around as if he had suddenly been zapped to his destination. He coughed and cleared his throat, adjusting his tie in the mirror. "Please wait here. I'll need a lift back," he stepped out, slamming the door with a trembling hand.

"Fine, but pay me for the ride here first," Kurogane held his hand out and the man slapped several paper notes into his palm.

The ninja-turned-taxi-driver watched the man awkwardly walk towards a large warehouse on the edge of the docks. When he had departed most unwillingly on this journey he never expected to be transporting people here and there. Frowning, he kicked back and waited for the man to return.

XX

_Sugar, sugar, doo, doo, doo, doo. Oh, honey, honey_

"Please turn that off."

"Oh, so you wanna chat?" Fai perked up, reaching for the radio's power.

"No."

The wizard laughed as if the man had just cracked a joke. "It makes me feel uncomfortable if I'm just talking to myself."

The man shrugged, which was some response, Fai consoled himself. He took his eyes off of his knees to stare out of the window at the scenery flashing past in a blur.

"We are here."

"So we are," Fai stuck his head out of the window. He brought the car to a halt, ignoring the shocked and angry honks of the cars behind him.

The man sighed and slid out of the back seat. "Wait here," he spoke laconically. Fai made a two-finger salute and kept his car parked in front of the traffic.

XX

"Syaoran-kun!"

A finger over her lips silenced her.

The two crouched behind a pile of crates, hidden from view as they peered through the cracks in the boards. She hardly dared to breathe as the door to the warehouse opened and a bald man sauntered inside. A moment later, he was followed by a short, portly man.

It was exceptionally dark as the door closed again and she had to squint to make out the two figures in the obscurity of the shadows. One carried a metal case. The other had a bag in his hands.

The first man lay down the case. The second man opened his bag. The case was then opened and for a second something bright shone in the gloom before the case was snapped close with a loud click.

"The feather!" she breathed.

Syaoran nodded.

They were talking but she could not hear their words, only vaguely make out their gestures. As they talked, their gestures became wild and more irritated. They seemed to be arguing. She shifted and squinted.

Then the bald man grabbed both the case and bag and ran.

She stood up, forgetting herself in that moment. Syaoran stood up too but neither of the men noticed them. Both were running out of the warehouse in seconds; one chasing the other.

XX

Fai was humming to himself, drumming his fingers across the dashboard to the sound of electronic drumbeats.

The door to the back opened and closed with a loud slam. The bald figure was back, though without his usual emotionless expression. He buckled his seatbelt and cried, "Drive!"

Fai smiled and sped off.

XX

Kurogane yawned. Not only was this world incredibly annoying, it was also incredibly boring. The constant stream of people and the flow of metal boxes on wheels were too strange, too unnatural for his liking.

He was just beginning to ponder why that crazy blond mage loved all things loud and bright, broaching upon some very deep philosophical questions when the slamming of his car door suddenly interrupted his road to enlightenment.

"After that taxi!" the man cried. His eyes were wide as he pointed to a speeding yellow car taking off a few meters away.

XX

"Syaoran-kun, what do we do?" Sakura glanced around for their unseen saviour. Two taxis had sped off into the distance, taking her feather with it.

Syaoran did not hesitate. He ran into the road, right in front of a bright yellow car.

"Taxi!"

XX

"Faster!" the man hauled himself closer to Kurogane's ear and was screaming all sorts of wild directions in his ear. Kurogane bit back the urge to punch the man and continued driving.

The acceleration pedal was firmly pressed down by his foot. The sound of rushing wind tore through the open window, bringing with it the sound of furious honking.

How he hated that sound. He stuck his head out of the window, ready to curse the loud idiot to the darkest depths of the seventh level of hell. Yet as his mouth opened, he found that he could only gape at the stupidity of his situation and there, hanging out of the window, the wind blowing his blonde bangs, was the wizard.

"What the - " were the only words that seemed to suffice.

"Kuro-sama!" Fai waved.

"Idiot."

Though Fai's taxi sped ahead of him, it was soon replaced by another yellow taxi. He did not recognise the driver but he sure as hell recognised the passengers in the back seat.

"Kurogane-san! Fai-san!" Syaoran rolled down the windows. He could barely hear the boy over the wind. He pointed and waved towards Fai's taxi. "He has the feather! The bald man has the feather!"

"I don't believe this," he muttered and felt the muscles near his mouth twitch. A situation like this just should not happen.

His passenger began padding his suit, shoving his hands into random pockets.

Kurogane kept his eyes trained on the road but his eyes shifted to the mirror on occasion. "What are you doing?" he growled as the man pulled out a black switch from his innermost pocket.

"Don't worry. We tested it before and the feather will remain unscathed in the explosion."

"You put a _bomb _in the suitcase?" he yelled then realised that he was yelling at the wrong person.

XX

It was fun. Fai was having a particularly good time with his friend, Mr Acceleration, when Kurogane's taxi decided to speed up as well. He turned to the other taxi, wondering if it was a race that they wanted when he saw the ninja making all sorts of stupid gestures and mouthing something inaudible.

"What was that, Kuro-chi?" he yelled against the wind, holding a hand to his ear.

"It's gonna blow!"

Fai looked behind him but the man in the seat suddenly rolled down his window. His eyes were wide. His bald head was shining with sweat. He grabbed the case and flung it out of the window.

The metal case whizzed through the air, appearing to almost fly. Fai thought he heard a click of a button being pressed, but then again perhaps that was only his imagination.

Then it crashed into the window of a taxi following close behind.

XX

"Holy crap!" the driver cried as the metal case shattered the glass window screen, landing in the seat next to the driver. The taxi screeched and skidded, spinning around and around.

Sakura screamed and clung to Syaoran, positive that no simple strap of leather could possibly protect them from the crazy-go-round they were on.

However, the saying 'Seatbelts save lives' was proven to be true and after much persuasion from Syaoran and some waving of paper money the diver kicked down the rest of the glass and began speeding away.

Syaoran retrieved the metal case from the front seat. The lock had been battered into a pulp. One hard punch was all it took to pop it open. Inside, a white feather shone with iridescent brilliance.

XX

"Cheap, economy-brand junk!" the man cursed all things under the heavens, econo-save in particular, with tears in his eyes.

With a sigh, he flopped into his seat, closing his eyes. He gave up. Let this taxi drive him to the ends of the earth, to hell even. It was over. It was all over.

His eyes opened.

"Why have you stopped the car?" he was on the verge of asking but the driver had disappeared. Moments later, he spotted the dark haired driver walking down the road with his hands in his pockets. The figure of a man who had taken all the crap he could stand for one day.

XX

"Turn back! Follow that other taxi!" the bald man screamed. Cursing his own rash actions, his composure was lost. He had to get that feather. He had to get it no matter what. Its power was phenomenal. He needed it. "Turn back!" he cried until he realised that they were not turning anywhere. In fact, the taxi had stopped altogether "What are you doing?" he stared at the blond driver.

The man switched off the engine, throwing the keys up and down in his hand.

"It's twelve thirty. I'm on break," he closed the door, leaving him and the taxi stranded in the middle of the road.

XX

It was almost evening. They would be leaving soon. Feather gained. Mission accomplished. Time to leave and see just how far the next world would stretch their sanity.

Fai was still humming as he lay their supplies out on the kitchen table. He hoped the next world would have music everywhere.

"That was quite an adventure, huh, Kuro-tan?" he smiled as he sensed the ninja approach. His fingers chose a can of beans and stuffed it into the bag.

Kurogane did not respond but lay down a few paper notes on the table.

"What this?" he looked up expectantly.

"The money I made," he grinned. There was something particularly unsettling about his grin.

Fai laughed. "Now, Kuro-chi, you can't expect today to count now, can…you…" his voice trailed away, as did his smile.

XX

I'm getting through all the suggestions slowly but surely. Let's give Kurogane and Fai a CV any employer would be impressed by!


	6. Baker

Inspired by the nursery rhyme Pease pudding. Somehow, the words 'Pease pudding hot' have changed over time to 'Some like it hot.' I'm not very good at make-out scenes, but I will learn through reading many smut fics. I'll do my best!

XX

**Baker**

Kurogane grunted as he scrubbed down the side of an oversized spoon. The wet cloth in his hand was stained with chocolate and cream, making his hand sticky and uncomfortable. He grunted and scrubbed. Who knew chocolate could be so hard to shift?

He glanced at Fai, who was leaning over the side of an enormous pot doing similar work. The stupid wizard was sweeping chocolate from the rim with a finger, licking at it with all the delight of a child.

"I don't see how you can be so cheerful," he grumbled, hoping that a long string of cursing would somehow help to lift the stains.

"Who could be miserable in a place like this?" Fai smiled. He had been so delighted when he discovered this job and naturally, Kurogane had been dragged along for the long, sugary, brain-  
damaging ride.

"When I agreed to this stupid job, I never thought I would have to do this," he continued to grumble and complain.

The sign had asked for bakers. Bakers, not cleaners! However, the policy of the company was 'Whatever you use to cook, you clean,' and it just so happened, which was why they were staying on into the late hours of the night to clean the mother of all pots - the chocolate pot.

The thing was so large that metal rungs had been erected in the side of the pot for someone to scale down its side. It was certainly too big for any normal man to get out off without some help. From where he stood, he could barely make out the bottom. A platform had been built around the rim, standing on metal scaffolding where large metal spoons, powered by equally large robotic arms, were built to stir its contents

"It's fine, isn't it? We get to sample lots of delicious food!" Fai said, flipping over the edge onto the rungs.

"You mean all that ridiculously sweet stuff?"

Sweet things just did not sit well with him.

Cakes covered in an inch of icing, bread filled with jam or chocolate, muffins and tarts sprinkled with rainbow sugar, cream eclairs, iced cupcakes and triple chocolate donuts; the bakery made everything and anything that could make your teeth fall out after a single bite.

"It's not my fault that you don't have a single sweet tooth," Fai's voice echoed from the fifth rung.

"You have too many!" he snapped.

"We even out," the wizard countered and climbed further down. The rungs creaked and moaned as he descended, grumbling their age.

Kurogane only glanced over the rim at Fai out of simple curiosity and boredom. The rungs creaked and groaned in protest and he wanted to shout at the wizard to stop putting so much weight on them when he remembered, courtesy of several 'night-time experiments', that Fai did not weigh much for a man his size.

Throwing down his cloth, he approached the rim to watch Fai dangling from a limp rung, wiping chocolate from the metal side.

A limp rung. A rung that was about to break. A rung that _was_ breaking!

"Hey, watch out - " he shouted. He made a wild lunge for Fai's hand, thought he felt their fingertips brush and was almost relieved. Then that instant was gone and it was clear that something was painfully wrong. In a second, he stared at Fai's eyes widening as he plummeted into darkness.

He thought that he heard an echo of a thud but perhaps that was only his imagination. His eyes strained but he was unable to make out anything at the bottom. There was no sign of any blond haired, blue eyed, slightly abnormal wizard. There was nothing but murky darkness.

"Hey! Can you hear me down there? Hey!" he yelled and heard his own voice echo back at him.

Biting back a curse, he stepped down the first rung and slid the rest of his way down the side of the smooth pot.

Fai was lying, face down, in the centre. Several more rungs were broken, suggesting that the wizard had managed to grab onto them before they too gave way and he resumed his plunge downwards. Puddles of leftover chocolate were splattered here and there like pools of mud. Fai's shirt was saturated in the heavy, brown sauce and his legs were drenched.

Kurogane skidded across the slippery base. He could see it now. At the coroner's, a man in a tight, stiff suit would look at Fai's pale body and wonder whether to note the case as death from a fall or death from chocolate. The gravestone would be flat and there would be some weeping widow in black crying, 'If only they had never invented giant pots!'

He reached Fai's body and shook him. "Hey, wake up, idiot! C'mon, wake up! Fai!" he yelled, allowing himself to address the man by name for the one-time emergency. There would be no weeping widow if he could help it, not that he knew of any widows.

Fai groaned and his eyes fluttered open. "Ouch, stop yelling," he made a futile swing at him then moved his hands to nurse his sore head.

"Are you okay?" Kurogane shifted away, secretly glad that Sakura would not have to go through a thirty minute marriage, followed by a short but crippling divorce, in order to obtain the customary widow in black.

Fai sat up slowly. "A little dazed," he admitted but smiled as if to reassure him that nothing was broken.

Kurogane sighed, allowing his shoulder to slump. He turned his gaze to the broken rungs. "Great, now how are we supposed to get out?" The bottom rungs were broken and the nearest rung intact was too high for them, even if Fai stood on his shoulders for it.

Fai grinned, undaunted by the fact that now they were both trapped in a giant pot. "Kuro-chin was so worried about me that he didn't stop to think!"

"I just - " he could not even protest. It was not that he was lost for words, he was never lost for words it was just that Fai's fingers were curled around his hand and the blond's tongue was gently licking chocolate sauce from his fingers. It was quite distracting.

Fai began to advance, working his way up his arm. Kurogane tried not to stare but it was hard to ignore a chocolate-covered Fai licking chocolate sauce off of his arm. The wizard cast him a coy glance though half-closed eyes and his thoughts were sent spiralling down the gutter.

He never liked chocolate. He hated all things sweet. It was just his luck that, the day Fai sat drenched in an edible sauce, it had to be chocolate.

He supposed that it would not be nearly as fitting if it were Fai dripping in soy sauce or sitting naked in an oversized bowl of Yakisoba. Chocolate was more traditional. Fai-yaki just did not carry the same effect as chocolate. It would be weird to have Fai served with a side of sashimi, yet that would be so hot! Even Fai rolled like makizushi seemed tempting. Heck, he would have Fai with inari any day and -

He stopped.

It had happened.

Somehow, without him realising, he had become a sushi pervert.

"It's delicious," Fai moaned.

"Shut up! I don't even like wasabi!"

Fai removed his mouth from around Kurogane's finger "Eh?" he stared and Kurogane suddenly wished that mouth would go back to where it had been.

"N - nothing. I didn't say anything," he turned away before the wizard could get a glimpse of his face.

Fai grinned at him, inching his body closer and closer. "Was Kuro-chi thinking dirty?" he teased.

"No!" Kurogane removed his arm from Fai's chocolate grip.

The wizard smiled as if to say, 'That's too bad' and ran his tongue along Kurogane's neck, right where his jugular throbbed. He wrapped his arms around him, pulling him closer and whispered, "My sweet tooth is aching for a chocolate-covered Kuro-chan."

Some unknown force pushed Kurogane onto his back and it was the same nameless force that somehow ripped his shirt open. He could feel himself sinking slightly into the sticky sauce beneath but at the moment he was currently more concerned with what lay on top.

Fai teasingly traced chocolate patterns onto his chest with a finger. He dribbled chocolate onto his stomach and licked it up before crawling downwards, making his slow, teasing way to the belt-line.

Kurogane heaved himself up and rolled over, forcing Fai to take the bottom. He thought that he saw a slight blush colour his pale cheeks but the blond suddenly started writhing under him, fighting for the top again and those thoughts flew from his mind.

He growled at him to stay still and forced him down with a rough kiss. As his tongue probed the moist cavern of Fai's mouth, even the faint taste of chocolate did not seem as bad as it usually was. Well, it had been in Fai's mouth after all. It was only a shame that they were in a chocolate pot instead of stewing in miso. This time he allowed himself to indulge upon those images. Screw it, they were his fetishes. He was sure that other people had worse turn-ons than he had.

"When we…When we get out of here," he panted, breathless, "let's go for Japanese."

Fai made a distracted sound in his throat. "Hmm? What for, Kuro-tan?" he asked.

Kurogane shook his head. He had never realised just how hot it could get in a giant pot. "I think…" he panted. "I think…that you'd taste good…smothered in soy sauce."

XX

_Some like it hot_

_Some like it cold_

_Some like it in the pot nine days old_

I hope that Kurogane and Fai don't have to wait nine days to be rescued. They'd probably die by then. Currently working on security guard, model, fortune teller, secretary and dentist. I like dentist the most only because it carries on the running gag of Kurogane being a sushi pervert. Anyway, thank you very much for reading.


	7. Model

I finally stopped writing crack. Actually, this was going to be crack too but it just took a serious turn so I went with it. Feels weird not writing crack...

* * *

**Model**

XX

Commuting was hell.

Kurogane flicked through a newspaper, understanding nothing of the written language yet skimming through the pages to gaze with bored crimson eyes at pictures of violence and murder most foul. The rustling of the paper was only a small disturbance on what was a packed train platform. People dangerously pushed and shoved for room, the sound of ringing phones and twittering voices almost drowning the radio announcement that the oncoming train would be delayed for yet another ten minutes.

It annoyed him that, no matter how hard he glared or how chilling his gaze was as it swept over the crowds, no one backed away to give him space simply because there was no space to give. His infamous 'almighty ninja death glare of infinite pain and agony transcending all of space and time™' had granted him a space on one of the few benches but that was the extent of its power here.

A large electronic board hanging over the platform told an inaccurate time whilst the curving wall opposite was pasted with oversized posters of things like 'Call now for your free quotation!' and 'Thinking of kill yourself? Let suicide101 help!' and still Kurogane was infinitely bored.

"Kyaah! Look! Look! Isn't he hot!" two girls that he had the displeasure of sharing the bench with were huddled over some girly magazine in their girly school uniforms making generally girly noises of excitement.

"Hey, he's a new face, I haven't seen him before but he's sooo cute!" one of the girls squealed and Kurogane winced out the range of high frequencies that the female voice could reach.

"I heard that he's a foreigner," the other whispered, though she was still loud enough for him to hear, "a real exotic type," she giggled.

"Of course! Look at that hair and those eyes! There's no way he could have been born a boring place like this," the first girl nodded, tugging the magazine her way.

"He's sooo cool!"

He only glanced over to ask them if they would so kindly shut up. Come to think of it, that was the beginning of his mistake. He would have been better off just staring at 'Let suicide101 help!' and posters about different beverages.

Yet glance over he did and his heart almost flipped at what he saw.

XX

The kitchen was always busy. With Kuro-daddy earning money to feed his starving family and Syaoran following in the footsteps of his surrogate father as vice-breadwinner-in-training, both Sakura and Fai had taken it upon themselves to be ready and waiting with a hot meal to welcome them home.

It was for the sole purpose of feeding those two hungry mouths every evening that the two were rushing about the kitchen, attending to the burning stove and the boiling pots as they ran around like chickens cooped with a fox.

"Sakura-chan, the food on the second ring!" Fai alerted her and the princess whipped out a fan to tend to the flames.

The doorbell rang just as the clock struck the nineteenth hour. The familiar da-bee-da-ding-dong, of their eccentric bell brought a wide grin to Fai's lips.

"Ah, that should be the daddy home from work," he reached for the doorknob, pulling it open with a receiving smile. "Welcome home, Kuro…" His voice trailed away. He had been expecting to see Kurogane when he opened the door. Even if it was the sight of a tired, overly grumpy Kurogane, that was the sight he had hoped and expected to see.

Instead, he was presented with the image of…himself.

"What the hell is this?" Kurogane's voice growled from behind the pages.

At the moment the most intelligent thing he could think of saying was a profound "Eh?"

Kurogane lowered the magazine so that Fai could see his face. It was a slightly annoyed face. It was a little ticked off face. It was the face of a puppy that had been promised chicken only to receive corned beef instead.

"What the hell is this?" he asked again, waving the picture a little so that the pages flapped but never fully turned to cover the photograph of Fai wearing nothing but fishnets and over-sized chains.

"It's a girl's magazine," Fai took the pages from the ninja's hand, "Kuro-chi, I had no idea you were like that…"

"Shut up! It's not like that! I stole it from some high school girls and…"

He paused, realising that, the more he tried to explain, the worse it would sound.

Fai cocked his head to one side.

"Kuro-chan?"

"Shut up!" he yelled. "Anyway, explain this. Why the hell are you in a magazine and why are you dressed like that?"

A wide smirk split across Fai's face, a knowing smile of one with devilish intentions. "Jealous, Kuro-rin? Do you only want me to dress up for you?" he asked teasingly, lightly bumping into Kurogane's body, his arm slid past his hips and gently pushed the door shut with a finger.

Kurogane's first instinct was to push Fai away but his second thought was to answer the question Fai had oh so innocently posed. The pushing and shoving could come later.

Unfortunately, his mind was half way between pushing and answering and so when his words were finally voiced, they came out as a garbled mess and a group of words that he unintentionally let slip.

"Well, the play-boy bunny is…" he began and paused halfway, silently glaring at the blond for somehow tricking him into letting his innermost fetishes slip.

"Kuro-gon likes bunnies. Who would have thought?" he murmured. Fai's smile was both amused and wry, as if wondering whether this vital piece of information could be manipulated for use in the area of blackmail or bribery.

"Shut-up!" he snapped. "Besides, is this photographer trustworthy? You don't know what sort of licentious, sleazy things he could do with your picture!"

Fai raised an eyebrow, never loosing the expression of one who knew some scandalous secret. "If you're so concerned then you can accompany me. I'm going again. Tomorrow."

XX

The licentious, sleazy, perverted man Kurogane had spent imagining turned out to be a young, thin lady in her early twenties.

Kurogane could not say that he was disappointed.

The door opened, and the photographer entered. She wore a clean-cut suit and her dark hair was slicked back with gel that gave the impression of an overly critical professional. Indeed, she scrutinised Fai over red-rimmed glasses in a predatory, almost frightening manner and nodded to herself approvingly.

Then she smiled and squealed and suddenly Kurogane was presented with the nauseating image of a hyped moe-fan.

Now Kurogane _could_ say that he was disappointed.

"Fai-san! It's always a pleasure," she grinned, arms open wide for a familiar embrace.

"The pleasure is all mine," Fai grinned, used to his employer's bubbly personality.

Kurogane was having a bad premonition as he caught the wizard turning towards him. "This is - " he began.

"Kurogane," he introduced himself before Fai could pin him with another obscene nickname.

The woman glanced over him once and her eyes went wide. She spread her arms wide and drew a deep breath, bringing herself to her tiptoes as if she could swallow more air that way. "You're gorgeous!" she gushed. Her enthusiasm was somewhat unnerving for an adult twenty-something year old.

"I have a great idea! Kurogane-san, would you - "

"No!" he dashed her hopes with a sharp bark, cutting her down before she could even begin. "No way," he shook his head, adamantly denying her the right to 'play dress-up' with him.

She looked rather off-guard, something akin to a deer caught in the headlights, but not the least offended by his blunt refusal. Her smile was one of acceptance as she cast Fai an all-knowing smile. This, however, seemed to confuse him as much as it confused Kurogane.

The two were ushered into her dark studio and Fai disappeared somewhere to change, completely at home with the dangerous wiring trailing along the shadowy floor. It was dark and cluttered and somewhat cold. Strange metal things slept along the sides of walls where thick cables ran over their slumbering bodies.

Kurogane sighed and took a seat somewhere on a large wooden crate. There seemed to be nothing suspicious at all and the photographer did not seem to have the intellectual capacity to do anything illicit. It seemed that he had come here for no reason.

It was boring.

But it sure as hell beat commuting.

A moment later, Fai reappeared wearing a shirt and a pair of tight jeans, only his shirt was open to reveal the vast snowscape of his chest and there were silver chains dangling around his neck. He stood in front of a painted background, ready to begin.

Suddenly, Kurogane was not so bored anymore.

The photographer transformed into a button-happy maniac once safely behind the camera lens. Flashes went off every five seconds, punctuated only by short, excited directions, which Fai followed accordingly. After about twenty camera flashes, (not that Kurogane was counting) Fai went back to change and the mad rush for pictures resumed.

In total, Fai went from being the Cheshire cat to a knight in shining armour, to a rather clean-looking pirate to a cat-boy in chains to a member of the shinsengumi.

A full hour passed, or so Kurogane reckoned, the dim studio seemed to have its own set of rules to which time flowed differently than it did on the outside world. However, he was sure that it had been a full hour when the woman called for a break.

Fai waddled over to him, stumbling over the thick cables running along the cold concrete. His shadow fell on top of him, enveloping Kurogane in an oval of deeper darkness.

He glanced up at Fai, crimson eyes narrowing suspiciously.

"What are you wearing?"

"A pineapple suit!" Fai chirped, spinning to show off all angles of his plush pineapple suit.

"I know that but…why?"

"Because it's fun!" he replied with the same unnerving enthusiasm as his photographer. Kurogane made a mental note to leave this world as soon as possible lest the insane mage develop a new depth to his insanity.

"But I think that this would look better on you. It suits you more. You're tough and thick-skinned but underneath it all, you're sweet and crunchy."

When Kurogane stared at him, he was staring at a madman. There was no use questioning where such an analogy could have possibly sprung from when talking to Fai in a giant, novelty pineapple suit. He was not so sure about the crunchy bit…or the sweet bit for that matter.

"If we're talking about being hard to get inside of, then the pineapple suits you better," he said. He did not expect Fai to seem so shocked to him say such words, he was shocked; Kurogane registered a look of surprise just before he lowered his eyes and hid his expression behind his blond bangs.

There was nothing to be shocked about though. Surely the wizard knew that Kurogane had long since caught on to his happy pretence, his smiles that shielded him from the world, his need for attention that brought others close to a superficial Fai and distanced them from the real thing.

"It doesn't," the wizard whispered. His words were spoken so softly and so suddenly that they floated and disappeared into thin air before Kurogane had time to grab them.

Nothing shifted within the studio. The crates piled in corners and the electrical equipment leaning lovingly against each other was as stationary as the next piece and so there was nothing to distract them from each other. Outside, the sound of traffic was only a distant buzz.

"I'm right here," he whispered but before Kurogane could clarify what Fai meant, the photographer came trundling back into the studio calling, "Fai-san! Time to work!"

Fai's expression underwent its quickest transformation and his smile shone in all its synthetic glory. "Coming!" he piped and flounced away.

It was only then that Kurogane understood that seeing Fai slightly sad whilst in a giant pineapple suit was one of the rarities of life that he would never have the pleasure of seeing again.

Fai posed and spun, grinning and laughing or fixing the camera with a look of lust. He ranged his expressions from naughty to nice, always completely natural whatever expression he chose to wear.

Kurogane could see through them all.

He never knew that his comments could have such an effect on the blond. All he had done was say what he always did – the complete, honest, brutal truth – and that was that Fai did distance himself from others; no one could ever deny that.

So why did his smiles seem even more forced now? Each time the camera flashed it seemed to take a plastic model of the real thing, capturing only a superficial image, never delving deeper than what was only physical beauty.

Each flash made the surrounding equipment shine and sparkle. The photographer squealed and ran all over the studio to take shots at different lengths and angles like some excitable tourist snapping up the latest exhibit from in front of a wall of glass.

"Beautiful! Beautiful!" she cheered and ushered Fai to the changing rooms for yet another costume change.

Fai smiled and disappeared around the back for the umpteenth time. As he vanished, Kurogane felt the distinct weight of the photographer disturb his wooden perch. She sat next to him on the crate fanning herself with a piece of a paper after a long day's work that was near its end.

Kurogane only glanced at her, neither bothering nor caring to speak to the woman.

It was the woman who spoke to him.

She pulled at the collar of her shirt and fanned her chest, red faced and exhausted. "Phew!" she sighed, blowing cold air his way, "Fai-san is quite a find. It's too bad that I can't pair him up with another sexy young model."

"Why not?" Kurogane was bored enough to ask.

Without a pretty model to squeal at and hug, the woman seemed more subdued, almost resembling a normal human being, one that could function in everyday society. "I respect my models and their wishes," she explained. "He told me that, even if it was just posing, he did not want to be paired up with someone else."

"Someone else?"

"You'd have to ask him personally what he meant by that," she smiled and rose to her feet. Long years being in her profession must have caused her to develop some sort of sixth sense for only a second later Fai emerged in his final costume.

He trailed into the camera's line of vision, standing in front of the background board. The white and blue jacket he wore as embroidered with gold thread in a fleur-de-lis pattern that lined the hems. It was long, with two tails that trailed to the floor and opened near the stomach to show his navel. A belt was slung loosely across his hips, also gold and carrying a similar pattern.

There was a red love heart encased in crystal curled tightly in the nest of his fingers. He opened it onto his palm and held it close as if about to kiss it but his eyes were turned to the camera with a lustful gaze and a slight pout on his led lips.

The camera flashed and Fai brought that crystal heart close to his own, his expression changing into a delicate smile just as fragile as the heart he cupped in his hands.

Kurogane watched from his comfortable place on the crate. Fai certainly looked good in such a gorgeous outfit, wearing such a tender expression. Of course, he always looked good. Even caught in the heat of battle, ragged and worn, he somehow still managed to look good.

But he was never beautiful.

He acknowledged the man's ability to make girls swoon and woman sigh but he had never considered Fai to be beautiful. Beauty was something that radiated from the inside out. Beauty was something natural and forgiving, it was warm and soft and indescribable with just mere words.

Fai was only pretty and hollow. Even though, for reasons unfathomable to Kurogane, it somehow made him feel a little regretful, he did not think Fai could ever be beautiful so long as he wore a plastic smile and hid himself behind glass, just like the little crystal heart he was posing with. It seemed that Fai wanted to stay as far away from others as he could and never be close to anyone.

_I'm right here. _

XX

The sun was beginning to set as they finally made their way out of the dingy studio and into the real world. The dying sun bled into the sky, dying it with colours red, orange and purple. The city glowed in its wake, gilded in gold and Kurogane walked with Fai along empty streets that were almost silent.

The wizard was inwardly smiling, tossing the heart encased in crystal up and down as he walked – a present from his photographer. "That was nice of her," he sighed with contentment. With only a day of looking pretty and being photographed, he had scored a crystal heart and an envelope full of cash. It was not a bad deal.

Kurogane watched the man through the corner of his eye. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. As Fai tossed the heart up again, Kurogane's hand came in from above, catching it before it could descend into the safety of Fai's palm.

He examined the trinket, scrutinising the gleaming red heart hidden beneath crystal for some sort of hidden secret.

"Your heart."

"Well, Sakura-chan's heart, actually. I thought that I'd give it to her as a present."

He handed it back to Fai, shaking his head at the idiot among idiots. "No, your heart," he insisted, narrowing his eyes to pin the shorter man. "Even though you feel as though you need to hide it beneath those plastic smiles, really you wanted someone to find it, didn't you?" his voice was laced his accusing tones yet lacked any sense of malice or threat.

Fai stopped walking.

Kurogane stopped too.

"What do you mean?" Fai asked, his voice light and carefree, hiding behind it a warning that Kurogane was treading on dangerous ground here.

The ninja grinned. Dangerous ground was fine by him. Dangerous ground was more exciting.

"I mean, you really want someone to find you. I mean that you don't always want to wear those damn-annoying fake smiles. I mean that you're the kind of stupid-ass guy who spends all his time waiting for some jerk who will take him away and yet no one ever does because," he paused, "because no one ever realises that you're right here waiting."

Fai let his shock dance upon his face for five whole seconds - a personal record for how long he could go without a smile.

Kurogane moved forwards. Fai instinctively moved backwards, all the way back until Kurogane had pinned him to the wall. He felt a finger tilt his chin upwards and found that he was gazing into the crimson pools of Kurogane's eyes, unable to look elsewhere.

He was not sure whether he was the one who kissed Kurogane or if it was the ninja who initiated the kiss. He supposed that it did not really matter – the result was the same.

He wondered why they were doing this. He wondered why Kurogane was being so tender with him. He knew the man was not the sort to kiss anyone out of pity.

Perhaps it was lust. Perhaps it was just a comforting kiss. Perhaps it was the ninja's way of saying that he was right here too.

As Fai moved to cling onto Kurogane's arm, the crystal slipped from his grip, shattering on the pavement, though neither of them cared. Yet, if they ever had the time to pause and glance at the broken shards, they would have noticed that, amongst the jagged pieces, there was a ruby red heart lying still intact.

* * *

And that's the end of the seventh chapter. Now I have a huge urge to write MokoFai crack and SyaoSyao fluff.

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	8. Security guard

A rather simple drabble this time. Still fighting urge to write crack.

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**Security guard**

XX

The clock on the far wall announced the time as five minutes past one in the morning. The clock on the far wall also had a pendulum that ticked away every second and a cuckoo that stuck its annoying head from behind its painted wooden doors every hour.

The clock on the far wall announced the time as three minutes past one in the morning and Kurogane felt the sudden urge to rip the cuckoo from its clock the minute the clock ticked backwards to one o'clock.

The floor was mostly empty. It was just the entrance floor for all the high-class executives to walk through. It was the lift at the far end of the floor that would take the businessmen to their classy offices filled with important documents and expensive equipment.

The floor was mostly empty.

The tiles were cold and the walls were a muted beige. The air smelt of cheap air-freshener - ninety-nine cents per bottle of fake flower extract and an extra refill that smelt of something namelessly sweet - and the cuckoo clock was about to sing.

"It's boring, isn't it?" The woman next to him droned. In the past five minutes, she had switched between flicking through an outdated magazine, polishing her nails, and humming senselessly. Now she was tapping her fingers against the counter.

"Yeah," Kurogane grunted. It was extremely boring.

"Nothing ever happens at this time of night."

"Yeah."

"We could just go to sleep right here and it wouldn't matter."

"Yeah."

Silence washed over the two until the cuckoo poked his head out to sing.

A counter stood near the entrance, out of the way of the revolving doors. Large metal detectors were lined in rows in front of the entrance where a large pot-plant stood dutifully at the very end.

Outside, the streetlights were flickering on and a drunkard floated past the windows. Except that this drunkard back-tracked and stopped in front of the windows and Kurogane realised, to his surmounting horror, that it was no drunken tramp waving at him but an escaped mental patient.

He stood with such force that it almost sent his chair crashing to the floor, ramming his hands in his pockets for loose change. There was a mountain of copper coins in his pockets, which he suddenly shoved into his co-worker's hands.

"Hey, do me a favour, get me some cigarettes, would you?"

"I didn't know you smoked," she stood, almost dropping to coins on the floor.

"I don't," he twirled her around and ushered her to the door.

"Then why - " she began but Kurogane had closed the door after her. Of course, being revolving doors, the impact was not quite the same.

Kurogane watched the woman leave down the road until she was out of sight. He turned his back on the doors for a grand total of three seconds and turned back.

The escaped mental patient was leaning against the counter, waving and smiling devilishly.

Kurogane's eyes narrowed. "What are you here for?"

"Aren't you going to check me?" Fai grinned. "I thought it was standard to search me. I may have a gun, y'know?"

Kurogane glanced at the clock. It was now quarter to one at night.

"Walk through there," he gestured to one of the metal detectors. Fai strolled through it and it beeped and blinked an angry red. "Stand with your legs slightly apart and your arms held wide."

The wizard did as instructed; glancing around the building as Kurogane patted him down. "So this is where you work? Talk about a cobweb company."

"It's like this everywhere at night," he ran his hands down Fai's body, feeling every dip and curve through the thin linen shirt and the tight jeans the wizard seemed to enjoy wearing.

"Is that so?" Fai tilted his head and glanced around again as if seeing the mostly empty floor in a whole new way.

Ending the search at Fai's ankles, Kurogane sighed and stood up. "Where is it?" he asked.

"Hmm?"

"The thing that made the metal detector go off. Where is it?"

The smile that curled Fai's lips was positively evil - the kind of smile that strikes terror in the heart of his subjects while remaining cute and sweet - the smile of an evil kitty.

"You just have to look more thoroughly."

Kurogane knew how this game was played.

"Open your mouth," he instructed and Fai opened wide with an exaggerated, "Ahh!"

The ninja tilted Fai's chin up with a finger. His other hand took the wizard's shoulder and pulled him towards him. His lips pressed against the psychotic wizard's lips. Kurogane's tongue slid in and began to explore Fai's mouth for any signs of something metal.

Fai groaned as he was pressed against the counter. Kurogane seemed to remember just what he was doing and backed away.

"Take off your shirt"

"You won't find it," the blond grinned but obliged him anyway.

The ninja blinked. Many people considered him a very frank person but he also had his pride and for him to say, 'Find it? I just want to see you with your shirt off,' would surely earn him more of Fai's taunting and so he simply shook his head and asked, "What makes you so sure?"

"We had a bet," Fai glanced at the clock. It was twelve forty. "Mokona bet five chocolate Mokona bars that you wouldn't find it. Sakura-chan wouldn't back the bid once we passed seven bars so I made a bet in your favour!" he made a thumbs-up sign at him, as if Kurogane was supposed to find that encouraging.

"I'm glad to know that you find me a great source of entertainment," Kurogane said, utterly deadpan.

Fai's smile was positively evil.

"So, you don't mind that I bid your sword?"

There was a time when Kurogane believed that he was a reasonable man. Perhaps he could sometimes be rather hot-tempered and quick to anger and maybe just a little too blunt, but for most part, he believed that he was a perfectly reasonable person able to function normally in any normal society.

Therefore, it was also perfectly reasonable of him to grab the cuckoo clock from the wall and hurling it at the mage, thus killing two birds with one stone.

Fai ducked as the clock soared over his head. It hit the far wall and crashed. The cuckoo sprung from its home, clucking endlessly.

"Mokona had ten bars on the table! I didn't have anything else!"

"Since when have you ever been allowed to bet my sword against Mokona-shaped chocolate bars?" he yelled. No, that was not the right question. The right question was; since when did Souhi ever equal ten chocolate bars?

"Well, then you'll just have to find it," Fai said teasingly, drawing out it his words on the tip of his tongue.

"Strip down," Kurogane glared at him.

"Here?"

"Strip down!"

"Whatever you say," Fai grinned as he pulled off his jeans.

"Walk through it again," he ordered and as the wizard did so the detector beeped again.

He pulled the blond towards him, running his hands across skin, from his legs up to his stomach. His deadly serious expression made Fai laugh and Kurogane scowled at him and ran his fingers further up, across his chest, to his neck.

His hands felt Fai's quick pulse. Hot fingers lingered by his jugular before sliding up, cupping the wizard's face in his hands. Fingertips brushed against soft lips, silencing the laugh bubbling from Fai's throat. His hands ran through golden threads of hair, pushing his hair back behind his ear. Something shone on Fai's lobe, gleaming against the dim light.

Kurogane touched the cold metal head with the tip of his finger, wondering how something so small could have possibly set the alarm off.

"An earring?"

"Congratulations!" Fai cheered, clapping his hands together in long, over-exaggerated gestures.

With warm, callused hands, Kurogane unfastened the earring, feeling that perhaps he was being dragged around just for the amusement of one spastic blond (and possibly an overly cheerful pork bun.)

"I knew that you could do it, Kuro-pon!" Fai congratulated him again. "Now I get my Mokona bars and you get to keep Souhi. It's win-win!"

No, he took that back, He was definitely being dragged around by an insane, hopeless wizard; spinning in the grips of someone whose mental age indicator was constantly flicking between the age of three to the age of fifty.

Growling, he tossed the earring over his shoulder and pushed Fai back against the counter again.

"You…" he raised a shaking fist in front of Fai's face but instead of striking out he assaulted him with fierce kisses, running hot hands against burning skin.

Fai found his back pressed against the cold counter. He smiled coyly and wrapped his arms around Kurogane's neck, beckoning him closer.

Two days later, Kurogane and Fai left the world with the rest of their companions.

Two days later, when doing a mandatory check on the security tapes, two unwitting security guards would find a video that would leak onto the Internet and underground markets at a phenomenal speed.

Two days later, such a tape would trigger a fanatical search for the ones depicted within it in hopes of recruiting them for other 'jobs.'

And indeed, two days later, depite claiming to have never seen the other person before, the media picked up on a small-time owner of a dojo and a hapless art student going by the names of Kurogane and Fai.

* * *

In case that was confusing (okay, it probably was) think same soul, different world. I'm sure that there's at least another Kurogane and Fai in at least one world that they've visited. And thus, another Kurogane and Fai end up meeting. Isn't that sweet? 


	9. Bartender

This was a strange idea that suddenly hit me. Everyone's a little drunk/tired, which is my excuse for getting them to act funny. i also think I should warn you ahead of time that it features crack pairings too.

**

* * *

**

**Bartender**

Sakura ran across the stone floor, almost slipping on the beer-spills as she dashed this way and that with a tray heavy with pitchers of beer. The walls were permeated with smoke and stained with dark patches where alcohol had seeped into the wood. Oil lanterns hung from the heavy ceiling, bringing light to an otherwise dim little tavern.

Syaoran was watching over Sakura like a hawk in case anyone should try to make a drunken advance on her. He too had to run from table to table, collecting empty glasses and silver pieces, but his eyes were always trained on his princess. He would have already caused an accident if not for his ability to walk without looking, courtesy of years reading whilst walking.

The two children dashed around long square table of hard oak, squeezing past the crowds of customers in clothes that Syaoran would have described as slightly medieval. Sakura's bodice was tied just a little too tight; earning her catcalls and all sorts of winks from the men huddled around the tables.

"Ignore it," Kurogane advised Syaoran when he saw how annoyed the boy was becoming.

"It's…it's disrespectful! Sakura-hime is a princess!" the boy cried, flustered.

Kurogane grunted and nodded, without offering much help. "Disrespectful…yeah."

From the cellar, Fai emerged, dragging with him several empty glasses. His blue eyes sparkled, in his prime amongst the rowdy chattering and crowds of people.

"Kuro-chan! The men over there want a refill!" he called and Kurogane was forced from his comfortable spot against the wall to serve the far table with more alcohol. Just how much could one person drink?

"That will be ten pieces," he grunted as he served them their ale, pushing pewter pitchers underneath the noses of a group of three men.

They tossed him his silver and Kurogane quickly pocketed it. Turning around, he felt his tunic catch in someone's hand. One of the men tugged at him. "Here, why not come have a drink with us," he smiled, drawling out his words ever so slightly in his drunken daze.

Kurogane glared and the man let go of him.

"I only drink with those who can hold their liquor," he grunted, turning his back on both them and the other tables full of equally detestable idiots.

"Think you're so good, eh?" one of the men threw something at his back. It missed and clattered against the cold stone. "Eh? Eh? Think you can stomach Fai-san's extra-special, impossibly fiery, ginger-root ale from the murky deep™?"

"The what?" Kurogane turned, his eyebrows slightly upraised in mild surprise, his face slightly contorted by the thought of the wizard ever brewing alcohol. He suddenly had a mental image of Fai huddling over a thick cauldron of ale, cackling with evil glee. The very thought made his mouth twitch.

Yet for the men sitting at the table, a revered hush fell upon them and they suddenly started talking in subdued whispers.

"You mean that drink that was made in the devil's own brewery?"

"The one that can floor a man in just a simple gulp?"

The third man lifted his pitcher into the air. At first, Kurogane thought that he would hurl it at him and was fully prepared to make the man eat that pitcher, but the man brought it straight back to the table again, slamming it down as loudly as possible. The whole tavern turned towards the source of the noise.

"Drinking contest!" the man proclaimed and soon the whole tavern was banging their pitchers against the wood, hooting and shouting, "Drinking contest! Drinking contest!"

"Why not, Kuro-tan? It would help boost our sales!" Fai sidled over towards him, smiling wickedly. "All drinks, five pieces each!" he announced as he turned towards the rest of the crowd.

There was a great cheer and the tavern seemed to come alive again, teeming with bodies chattering and shouting, laughing and cursing.

"I say the winner gets to keep the young Miss for a whole day!" someone pointed at Sakura but Syaoran quickly silenced that suggestion in the most efficient and reasonable way that he knew how - by knocking the living daylights out of the man.

Kurogane had taught him well.

The man fell without attracting much attention and Syaoran quickly disposed of him outside the tavern.

"Well, there's gotta be a prize!" someone wailed. His sentiments were quickly followed by a long, loud murmur of agreement.

"How about me?" Fai suggested, pointing a finger at himself. "You can have me for a day. However, first you have to best my gallant protector!"

He spread his arms wide and he spun his back to them for a moment. Kurogane thought that the wizard was going to point at him. However, when he turned to face them Fai had two large pitchers of ale in his hands. "Fai-san's extra-special, impossibly fiery, ginger-root ale from the murky deep™! Made in the underworld's own brewery and full of hell fire!" he proudly announced, slamming the tankards onto the table in front of him like two solemn sentries protecting their king.

The crowd cheered and whistled but Kurogane felt the muscles in his mouth twitching unpleasantly. So this was Fai's gallant and noble protector - ale.

"Um, may I?" Sakura tiptoed towards the two tankards, lowering her head tentatively towards the overflowing brim. Before anyone could stop her or Syaoran could dive into the line of fire, her lips touched the frothy liquid and she drank, long and deep.

It felt as if everyone's eyes were on her in that moment. Everyone was staring at her with fixed eyes and bated breath as she drew away from the tankard, taking one wobbly step backwards. Her eyes rolled and she fell backwards. There was a collective gasp just as Syaoran lunged and caught her before her head hit the hard floor.

It seemed that Sakura's trip into unconsciousness triggered something deep within the watching men. There was a great scramble for alcohol, each one out to prove his manliness, or simply to have a pretty slave for the day, and Fai found his arms filled with silver.

Syaoran barely had time to move Sakura to a safe place before he was barraged with requests for more ale. Both he and Fai rushed in and out of the cellar for more kegs of beer and pewter cups to meet the hoarding demands of their customers.

Large pitchers were filled with Fai's extra-special, impossibly fiery, ginger-root ale from the murky deep™, the smooth, amber liquid glinting almost teasingly as it was poured into them. Kurogane watched as men clamoured to get try a taste of the infamous ale. There was something a little disgusting about seeing grown men act in such an undignified way, something that rubbed him the wrong way as he watched so many desperately trying to win.

"Hey wizard, give me one of them," he gestured towards himself.

"Hope you can handle it, Kuro-pon," Fai grinned, sliding a large pitcher across the stained table.

He made a face at the wizard, as if he had been asked if the summer sky was blue. Kurogane grabbed a pitcher of Fai's extra-special, impossibly fiery, ginger-root ale from the murky deep, ™ throwing back his head to let the amber-coloured liquid slide down his throat. The contents were drained in one, long chug. Alcohol burnt his throat, sizzling its way all the way down to the stomach, where it razed his insides.

Gasping for breath, Kurogane pushed his head forwards again and slammed the pitcher against the table, demanding another.

Fai's smile was slightly blurry as he offered the ninja a refill. Kurogane drank the offering in another long gulp and slammed the pitcher down again, ready for more.

"Whoa! He's still standing!" someone cried. He felt the weight of a dozen pairs of eyes burning his back but that was nothing compared to the burning feeling within him.

Perhaps Fai had added something strange to the brew, perhaps there was just a hint of magic within the clear amber liquid, perhaps it was the thought of that stupid, insane wizard being in the possession of someone else but Kurogane could not stop drinking. Alcohol tasted too damn good anyway.

"Another!" His pitcher shook the table, close to breaking it, as he slammed it down again, empty.

"Mokona wants to try too!" the white manjuu, which the locals believed was some kind of overweight fairy, grabbed a glass from Syaoran's tray, startling him so that the rest of the cups clattered to the floor, spilling all the ale. Though he apologised, in the drunken clamour and giddy excitement, no one seemed to notice him bowing to the wall over and over again.

"Another!" Kurogane yelled. The shouting and cheering around him was becoming almost intolerable and he needed another drink to keep him from punching someone. Mokona was bouncing around happily like an insane white tennis ball. His rivals in the drinking contest where all looking a little unsteady. It would only be a matter of time before they gave up or passed out.

"Another!"

XX

The sun burnt into his eyes. Lights swam across his vision and his back felt painful and stiff. He was sleeping on the floor. The cold, hard, stone floor to be exact, alone, without another soul to share his splitting headache with.

"What?" he rose his head, blinking away the last traces of sleep from his eyes. Memories of the previous night flooded back to him in an unpleasant stream. He jumped to his feet, immediately regretting making such sudden movements. "Crap! Hey! Hey, idiot mage, where the hell are you?"

He began moving slowly, then faster and faster. He moved towards the stairs and began climbing the creaky steps, making his way to their rooms, cursing under his breath. No drink had been able to give him such a terrible hang over and he blamed it squarely on the maker. Oh, he would make that mage pay alright, he would make him pay just as soon as he found the man

"Stupid wizard!" was his customary greeting as he burst into Fai's sparse living quarters.

The blonde lay sprawled underneath a blanket, random limbs poking out of bed in a hopeless tangle of bed sheets. Kurogane marched towards the bed, reaching for a corner of the blanket.

"I'm sleepy, go away! You've been riding me all night!" Fai batted away Kurogane's hand, moaning sleepily.

Kurogane almost stepped away. He had forgotten that someone else must have won the contest. So someone else had won Fai. Someone else, meaning someone which was not him, meaning someone that he did not know, meaning an idiot.

"Wake up!" he thwacked the mage around the side of his head.

"Oh, Kuro-min," Fai blinked his eyes open, not the least fazed by the blow.

"Who won?"

"Hmm?"

"The drinking contest! Who won it?"

Fai's eyes were tired but lucid. "Oh, Mokona won," he sat up, clutching the blanket to his chest.

"W - what?" he blinked, feeling slightly relieved…only slightly.

"It was amazing," Fai drawled, still in a daze, "Mokona can really put it away. I wonder where all that alcohol goes."

"So the manjuu won you?" Kurogane muttered distastefully. He felt a strong urge to strangle someone. Somehow, it felt as if the fates were only playing with him. He did not want to admit that he had been slightly worried for the blond wizard…only slightly.

"Slave driver! Mokona was riding me all night," Fai sighed, stretching out his tired, aching muscles.

"What?" Kurogane looked at him sharply, suddenly alert again just as he had been beginning to relax.

Fai nodded. "Look at all these bruises I have," he let the blanket fall to his waist, revealing several dark, purple bruises across his torso.

Kurogane knew that he should not jump to conclusions but he was feeling slightly disturbed…only slightly.

"Is that…is that even…anatomically possible?" he asked with uncharacteristic hesitance. As soon as the question was out of his mouth, he wished that he could take it back. He did not even want to know the answer.

"Of course it is. I'm really flexible, you know," Fai answered, oblivious in his still-sleepy state of Kurogane's wary disposition.

"That's disgusting!"

The door opened with a click and the perpetrator of such a heinous act, one that could even disgust Kurogane, bounced in with a smile as sweet as the summer sun.

"Morning!"

Fai raised a hand in greeting but Kurogane went straight for the kill. Seizing the white manjuu by the…some part of its body or other, he tightened his grip on the manjuu and shook it irritably.

"You! You disgusting manjuu! I never thought I'd say this but what were you doing last night, you perverted, pork bun?" he yelled. He remembered something that Dimension bitch had said once. He was sure that Mokona was much older than any of them were. It was obscene just thinking about the manjuu going after a much younger man. No! It was obscene thinking of Mokona with anyone!

"We were playing!" Fai piped cheerfully. His perhaps not-so-innocent use of words gave Kurogane the worst mental image.

"Playing what?" Kurogane shot.

"Knights and castles! Fai was the horse and I was the knight and the room was our giant castle!" Mokona yipped happily. "But…it was so dark and I think Fai was a little drunk. He kept bumping into things," it nodded wisely, shaking its head with a sigh.

Kurogane paused to reflect. He imagined the two running around like children, slightly drunk, slightly tired and slightly hyper.

"That's…" Kurogane found himself at lost for words. He was not sure if it was the alcohol killing his brain or the result of spending too much time with two insane beings from another world. Perhaps it was the fact that he had come an inch within the greatest shock of his life, but he suddenly felt too tired to even shout.

Letting go of Mokona, the manjuu slipped through his fingers. It heard rustling coming from the next room. "Ah, Sakura-chan is awake!" it cried and bounced out of the room to greet the waking princess.

Kurogane let the pork bun go feeling vaguely annoyed and slightly confused. The muscles in his face were twitching unpleasantly.

"Kuro-chi, you look like you need to sit down," Fai patted the space next to him on his bed.

"I'm fine," Kurogane waved a dismissive hand but he sat down anyway.

"Do you want to play?" Fai childishly drawled out his words and Kurogane would have thought that he was still a little drunk if Fai did not almost always act like an insane eccentric.

"Knights and horses?" Kurogane's eyebrow twitched.

"It's fun."

"No way," he groaned, feeling his hangover coming back to him. He forgot himself for a moment and flopped across the bed. Tiredness had drained all the tension and confusion from his body as he was feeling queerly light-headed, which was why he would have to be excused when he looked over at Fai, giving the blond a wry smile "I have a better game," he grinned.

* * *

Okay, I've almost satisfied my desire to write MokoFai crack. I will only never do it again i swear, at least not for this fic anyway. 


	10. Musician

Yay, chapter ten. Sorry for the long wait. I think the MokoFai crack temporarily killed my brain. Thanks to everyone for the support.

* * *

**Musician**

XX

Paper cluttered the already small, box-like room. Ink wells and feather quills lay scattered over a desk that had disappeared under the heaps of white paper. A small window was partially open, letting in a trickle of light. There was hardly any room to move. Each corner had been invaded by more mess, which had decided to take up permanent residence there.

Amongst such a confused heap, Fai fished out a chair, sweeping the paper on it to the floor as he sat. Kurogane perched on top of the desk, crushing sheets of ink-stained paper beneath him. They sat opposite from each other, though still close enough to invade each other's personal space inside the box of a room.

Kurogane lifted an electric guitar by its neck, plucking random chords. Without an amp, the sound was thin and reedy.

"We're running out of time and the princess still hasn't come up with lyrics," he muttered, plucking at strings with calloused hands.

Fai swept an ink pot towards him and dipped a quill inside it. His base guitar rested on his lap, screaming out for the same attention that Kurogane was giving to his.

"That's why we're helping, isn't it? We already have the tune down, we just need words and then the grand prize is ours!" he spoke absently, jotting down something on paper without a glance at his instrument.

"We could always just steal it," Kurogane grinned at the thought.

Fai humoured him with a smile but then shook his head at the very notion. "We could but Sakura-chan would rather that we win her feather."

"Princesses always have such troublesome requests," he grumbled, running a hand through his dark hair.

"But, somehow, you don't mind doing them, do you?" Fai smiled as Kurogane's defensive side spiked dangerously.

"What the hell does that mean?" he looked for something to chuck at the man but paper did not make good projectiles.

"Let's see…lyrics…lyrics," the blond turned towards his paper, ignoring the man opposite. "Should it be a love song?" he wondered.

"Are you listening to me?"

"How about 'How much is that doggy in the window?'" Fai suggested.

"Don't you dare!" he snapped, horrified by the very thought of it.

"Why not? It's a good song."

"If you make the princess sing that for the competition, we'll definitely loose!"

Fai smiled wryly. He carefully leant the guitar against the side of the chair and stood, taking three paces towards the ninja. Kurogane put his instrument aside too and slid off of the desk as Fai took the final step towards him, his slender hands mischievously fingering the high collar around the ninja's neck. A teasing smile played on his lips.

"Then inspire me."

XX

The rooms backstage were clean but not much bugger than the dingy room in which they had practiced for this day. Syaoran's drums took up most of the room and he sat at them with an apologetic blush.

Kurogane leant against the far wall, giving his guitar the last-minute tuning. One crimson eye he kept constantly trained on the princess as she paced restlessly up and down the room, a sleeping Mokona, balanced upon her head.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't think of anything. The competition will begin in a few hours and we still don't have any lyrics!" she regretted, muttering 'sorry' for every other length up and down the room that she walked.

"It's okay, Sakura-hime," Syaoran assured her.

Kurogane grunted his agreement but his mind was wandering away from the guitar in his hands, away from the small room, to wherever that crazy magician was with the lyrics that he promised to write. Perhaps more inspiration was necessary.

As if his thoughts had summoned him, Fai burst into room, startling Mokona awake. He held a sheet of paper in his hands, both triumphant and breathless.

"It's done!" he grinned. "It took all night but I finally finished the lyrics!"

"Thank you, Fai-san!" Sakura gushed, taking the paper from him as if it contained the recipe for the elixir of life.

"Now we just put it to the tune," Fai waved away her thanks and picked up his base.

"Let's just get this over with," Kurogane grunted and they began their last, final practice session before they hit the stage.

Syaoran began tapping at the drums, growing louder and faster as he beat, clashing the cymbals. Kurogane joined in slowly then Fai, with the strong sound of the electric and the warm, low tones of the base merging with the beating drums.

"Um…Fai-san?"

Sakura stared down at the piece of paper that he had given her. A small frown creased her lips, her eyes clouded with concentration.

The sound of the base stopped.

"What is it?"

Sakura turned the sheet so that the written side was facing him. The clear black letters in Fai's own flowing script stood perfectly aligned against the white of the paper.

"I can't understand your world's writing."

The sound of the guitar stopped. The sound of the drums ceased as well.

Perhaps it was hope or maybe expectation, but everyone's eyes trailed towards Mokona.

"Yuuko always says, 'You get what you pay for'," it piped in its defense.

"What do you mean, you stupid steamed bun?" Kurogane snapped, grabbing it from the top of Sakura's head. "So, for the combined price of our most important things, we get some smart-mouthed, gluttonous creature with incomplete translation abilities!"

"You get what you pay for."

Kurogane was about to embark on along journey to find Mokona's neck so that he could wring it when the door opening forced him to put his travels on hold. One of the workers poked his head through, holding up two fingers in a 'V' sign.

"You're on in two hours!"

"Looks like I'll just have to teach it to you myself. Let's go somewhere quiet," Fai sighed, taking Sakura and leading her away by the hand.

Syaoran and Kurogane watched them go wordlessly. In the ensuing silence, Syaoran coughed and the two awkwardly returned to practice, neither of them voicing the misgivings that they no doubt shared.

XX

They met again backstage as they prepared for their turn to perform. Their instruments had been set up on a large, round platform and now there was no longer a chance to practice, only to worry and wait.

Sakura still glanced about fretfully. Kurogane would sometimes feel her eyes rest upon him for more than a few moments but every time he glanced her way she would quickly divert her attention towards the floor.

Finally, he could take no more of her silent messages and approached her. The wizard be damned, if Fai wanted to accuse him of any sort of fatherly feelings then let him.

"It'll be fine. Relax," he whispered, placing a firm hand on Sakura's shoulder.

The princess did not look the least bit reassured. "Um…Kurogane-san, if…if…" she stuttered.

"It's okay. Even if we don't win, no one will blame you for it. The kid will get back your feather for sure."

"But, Kurogane-san, if I sing…"

"Okay, you're on now!"

The group was ushered onto the stage, beckoned to take their places in front of a crowd of faceless people.

"Are you ready?" Fai whispered as he passed Kurogane. "It's thanks to your inspiration that we got this far. This is the song that you inspired me to write."

Kurogane took his guitar from the stand and took position at Sakura's right side. He was ready.

"Um…well…good evening!" Sakura's voice tripped and stumbled but grew more confident as she spoke. Her eyes washed over the crowd, gazing from face to face from behind the microphone. "We're a really new group. In fact this is our band, Tsubasa, this is our debut. We have Syaoran-kun on the drums," she gestured behind her and Syaoran performed a quick piece as an introduction, the others following suit as Sakura named them. "This is our song - 'How much'." She bowed and the music began.

The drums began rolling and Kurogane came in on his cue with the guitar. His fingers slid up and down the neck; the result of days upon days of relentless practice. It was like repeating a battle that he had fought over and over, familiar yet furious, comfortable yet passionate.

_It's thanks to your inspiration that we got this far._

It was just like Fai. This music felt just like that crazy, elusive wizard; a ball of contradictions and tangled hopes. It was just like the teasing touches and caring caresses, the things they never said and all the things they never did.

_This is the song that you inspired me to write._

Sakura's voice flowed sweetly from her lips, tender yet strong as she sang.

"Hooow much is that doggy in the window?"

Next time, Kurogane would be giving a lot more inspiration.

* * *

I wanted to write angst but then I decided to reserve it for a later chapter (and Sakura was being too flowery and not letting me torture the bishies.) 


	11. Shop assistant

It's been a long time but I finally updated. This one is longer than usual so it makes up for the time. Features Yuuko and Doumeki too, which is probably why it took so long.

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* * *

**

**Shop assistant**

XX

Of all the buildings that Fai had ever had the pleasure of working in, he liked this one the best.

Maybe because he had to do little but be polite and cheerful and his superiors would give him bonuses for his 'perky attitude'. It was the easiest of jobs that he could have imagined - fairly well paying and reasonably fun.

It was unlike anywhere that he had ever worked before, maybe because, technically, it was not anywhere at all. The floors and walls were pristine white, both wide and tall and filled with emptiness. Hundreds upon hundreds of doors were lined on either side, standing next to and above each other like doors to a block of flats. Only the main doors were automatic, sliding open and close as each customer passed.

Fai stood in the centre of the giant room, feeling as if he were standing in the centre of the universe. He adjusted the black tie around his neck, tugging at parts of his uniform as the main doors slid open once again.

His smile was almost as automatic as the doors. Taking a step forward, he swept his arm across the floor in one grand gesture, ready to receive his customer.

"Welcome to Ebay interdimensional! Your one stop shop for all your consumer needs!"

The man that had entered tipped his hat gratefully and passed without a word. Fai watched him disappear through one of the smaller doors without letting his smile falter, though no sooner did the man disappear did the main doors slide open again.

"Welcome to Ebay interdimensional! For thousands of auctions spanning space and time!" Fai greeted cheerfully.

"Well, well, it must be Hitsuzen."

Such a familiar, silky voice was instantly recognisable. Even without looking at the heavy lidded crimson eyes or the mass of black hair spilling past her shoulders, he would have known her immediately.

"Yuuko-san! What brings you here?"

"I wanted to check how my items are doing," Yuuko tossed a stray strand of hair over her shoulder, glancing at the doors that surrounded her.

"I thought you only sold things when asked."

A playful smile fluttered across her lips. "I sell wishes. This is more of a garage sale to clear out all the clutter."

"You don't seem like the kind of person to throw things away," Fai observed, tilting his head to one side.

Yuuko's chuckle was both playful and mysterious, only slightly edged with something more sinister. "Oh, but I'm not. Every item has its own fate and will meet with the person it should. I'm just getting a little extra cash this way!" she added, eyes flashing with delight. Her eyes flickered again to the doors around them before resting on Fai's smile. "So how's work?" she asked; though her words seemed too imply something deeper, Fai took what she had said at face value.

"Well, calculating the interdimensional exchange rate is rather hard. We had someone attempting to pay with pointy stones once…" he trailed off. There was no real reason to tell Yuuko anything, as she seemed to already know how he felt the moment that she had stepped into the building.

"And Kurogane?" she asked anyway.

Fai laughed and eased a little bit. "Ah, don't worry about Kuro-chan. He's doing perfectly fine!"

As if on cue, a door burst open, slamming into the wall with a loud bang before snapping shut again.

"Dimension bitch!"

There was nothing else to look at except the two people standing in the middle of the white room and it was towards these two people that Kurogane approached, looked both irritated and angry.

"See? A happy, healthy worker!" Fai piped.

Kurogane was looking particularly murderous, but without a suitable weapon all that he could do was snarl. "You have some explaining to do, old hag!"

"Oh my, it seems that you saw it," Yuuko chuckled, not looking the least guilty.

Fai cast a quizzical glance from one face to another. Fortunately, he did not have long to wait before being enlightened.

"My…my ginryuu…you're putting it up for auction?" Kurogane was almost incredulous. His expression shifted between phases of disbelief and outright anger.

"At a very reasonable price too!" Yuuko added with obscene cheerfulness.

"Give me back my sword." Kurogane lowered his voice to a dangerously soft tone. It was a tone that promised the wrath of a homicidal ninja. It was the tone that would have most people cowering in fear but Yuuko, unfazed by his rage, bore it all under her cool crimson gaze.

"But you have a perfectly good one right there," Yuuko pointed down, causing Kurogane's face to redden. "Besides, if you can afford it, you can always bid for it."

"Unfortunately, we're broke," Fai shrugged, earning himself a glare from Kurogane for speaking the truth so easily.

"In that case, there's nothing I can do about it," Yuuko shrugged, hardly being sympathetic. "One more thing, Fai."

The wizard pointed at himself as if to say 'who, me?' Though he already had an idea of what the dimension witch wanted.

"I know what you're thinking and you need not worry. Regarding your tattoo, it is quite safe…I sold it for quite a profit!" she added, laughing maniacally as Fai felt his shoulders involuntarily slump.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Kurogane growled through gritted teeth.

"I brought two children with me. Two young boys from high school. If you see them, please say hello," she ignored his question. "Well, I better look at the auctions now. If you see any weapons of mass disintegration, let me know!"

"Yuuko-san sure is merciless," the wizard murmured as he watched her disappear through one of the doors.

"I'm going to buy back my sword."

"But you have a perfectly good one right there!" Fai pointed down, echoing the witch's words.

"Dammit, you're just as crazy as that witch!" Kurogane felt himself redden even further. He was not appreciating so many innuendoes made at his expense.

"How will you afford it?" Fai asked, quickly changing the subject before Kurogane decided that he could kill just as well with his hands.

He shrugged. "I'll sell some stuff that we don't need. Old clothes, things we picked up from other worlds…"

"Here. You can sell these," Fai rummaged through the pockets of his uniform. "I don't need them and besides, your sword is important to you isn't it?"

The ninja took the offering without a word. Though he felt as if he should thank the wizard, he said nothing. Fai only smiled and ushered him towards the auction rooms.

XX

Auction number one - A lovely set of girl's clothes

SOLD for 15,000 yen to Tomoyo-san

Auction number two - Kurogane's collection of 'ninja manga'

SOLD for 3,800 silver pieces to Hinoto-san

Auction number three - The wishing pebbles from Fai's pockets

SOLD for 20 rubbles to Kujaku-san

XX

"Wow…expensive," Fai attempted to whistle.

"What's this?" Kurogane stole behind him, peeking over the man's shoulder at whatever it was that he was staring at.

"Security nets," he replied without taking his eyes from the display cases where the 'Buy it now' items were safely stored.

"What do you need a security net for?" Kurogane frowned.

"I have one in Celes. Well, it's home made actually," Fai browsed through the cases. "Even if you take in the exchange rate, I couldn't afford one so I was forced to turn someone very important to me into a makeshift net, but these things really are marvellous," he continued, still transfixed on the shiny nets gleaming from behind glass.

"Hey, wizard."

"I don't see why they should be so expensive though. I just want a simple one. One that is strong, portable and can hold back magic for a few thousand years," Fai muttered to himself, oblivious. "One with good camouflage and five years insurance."

"Hey!" Kurogane coughed, waking Fai back to reality.

XX

Auction number four - Piffle dragonfly parts

SOLD for 1700 yules to Shougo-san

Auction number five - Books of LeCourt (Stolen during the raid on the library)

SOLD for three sheets of gold leaf to the almighty, invincible Guru Clef…san

Auction number six - Sorata's wallet (Hanshin original)

SOLD for 300 yen to…Sorata-san

XX

"So, if you do this…and then this…" "Fai muttered, tapping at the calculator on his laps, "plus our salaries, brings our earnings to 70,000 yen," he announced.

"The bidding was currently 36,000 yen. This is more than enough," Kurogane nodded, fighting the satisfied smile trying to cross his lips.

A strange look crossed Fai's face. Kurogane was not sure how to describe it. It was not quite happy but it was not a sad look either. It was an oddly calm yet empty expression that left the wizard looking beautifully cold.

"I hope that you can get what you wish for," he spoke softly, almost inaudibly, his words meant for Kurogane and Kurogane alone.

"With that money, we could have probably bought one of those security nets…a cheap one," he mumbled.

"It doesn't matter," Fai shrugged, smiling serenely. In a moment, the look was gone and there was only a whitewash of cheerfulness in its place. "If we have money remaining, I expect Kuro-wan to treat me!"

It took them half an hour to find the door leading to the auction of ginryuu. Since Ebay interdimensional did not technically exist anywhere, it seemed to have its own rules of physics and places seemed to switch with one another completely spontaneously. Kurogane was grateful to have Fai around to track their way. Without the mage following the random traces of magic, he would have been impossibly lost amongst the hundreds of doors within the building.

By the time that they arrived at the auctioning room, the price had shot up to 45,000 yen with twenty minutes left on the auction time EMT (Edonis Mean Time.)

All the seats within the room were currently occupied and a greying old man stood at the front behind a podium, describing the item.

The two settled at the back of the room, watching the auctioneer carefully looking over his notes. The old man had a throaty cough and he peered through gold-rimmed glasses at his papers. "We have here on sale a replica of a katana belonging to one brave swordsman. Original markings and stains all authentic."

"Stains?" Kurogane's anger flared.

"Was in the possession of said swordsman's son before pawned to the witch of dimensions," the man continued.

"Pawned? It was stolen! Forced from me! It was coercion! Coercion!" the ninja yelled, attracting the stares of a few people, whilst Fai tried to calm him.

"Bidding resumes at 45,00 yen."

The room erupted into action. Amongst cries of '47,000!' '49,000!' Fai watched as Kurogane raised his hands and shouted, "60,000 yen!"

The entire room fell into a revered hush. All eyes suddenly turned towards them and Kurogane's bold statement. One could have felt a pin drop in that silence. The time ticked by and no one moved, perhaps everyone was too stunned to move. Even the auctioneer was agape at the sudden rise in the price.

In the pregnant silence that followed, footsteps echoing towards the auction room could be clearly heard. The door opened to the late comer; a tall, gawky boy, he seemed Japanese, wearing a high school uniform.

Fai opened his mouth to say 'Welcome to Ebay interdimensional!' but the boy held his hand up as if to command the silence dominating the room and calmly said "65,000 yen."

The reaction of the crowd was phenomenal. As if the spell of silence was broken, the bidding resumed, faster and more furious than before. Only ten minutes remained until the bidding would end.

Kurogane cast the boy a sharp but deadly glare. "Who the hell are you?" he demanded, taking no pains in hiding his hostility.

"67,000 yen!"

"68,500 yen," the boy said nothing, only speaking whenever he wanted to place a higher bid.

"You're really pissing me off!" Kurogane snarled at the stoic high school boy. Only the two of them remained still actively taking part in the auction, locked in a furious battle to trump the other. "69,000 yen!"

"69,500 yen."

"Why the hell do you want my sword so badly?"

At first, the boy did not answer but when he finally did, his words came slowly and strongly, as if he had complete conviction in every syllable expressed. "It's a good sword. I feel like I can protect the person I care about with it."

Kurogane bared his teeth in a devilish grin. "That's a nice compliment but save your sentiments. 70,000 yen!"

The hall was ushered into another complete hush. The three of them could feel the eyes of the bidders all patiently watching them, hoping, expecting someone to counter Kurogane's bid. No one did.

"Is that all?" the auctioneer peered across the many faces. "Bidding closes in three minutes," he announced, lifting his gavial. "Two minutes," he called. "One minute!"

"70,000 yen," the boy calmly raised a stoic hand, "and a box of pocky."

The gavial slammed down before anyone could protest. "Sold! To the nonchalant-looking young man in the generic high-school uniform for 70,000 yen and a box of pocky!" the auctioneer announced and clapped his hands together, signalling the end of the auction.

Fai felt slightly moved. He wondered if he had just witnessed a historical moment take place but thought nothing more of it. Kurogane was staring at him incredulously, as if demanding what the hell had happened.

"Well, this is Ebay interdimensional; practically everything and anything can be counted as currency," he explained.

"Beaten…by pocky?" Kurogane felt the muscles in his mouth twitching uncomfortably.

The crowd filed out of the room and the boy that had beaten him had also disappeared, leaving only Fai and Kurogane alone in an empty auction room before the next auction would take place.

"Cheer up, Kuro-rin, it's not the end of the world…worlds," he lightly patted the ninja's shoulder. "My tattoo was gone a long time ago," he added in a whisper. Again, that look crossed his face but it was gone the moment Kurogane tried to scrutinise it.

He realised that the wizard was right. He was not the only one who had lost something and yet he had been dragging Fai around in order to get it back. Though he had not complained, Kurogane took a moment to wonder at the man's selflessness.

"I don't mind," he said, trying to convince himself that what he spoke was the truth. A small, wry smile crossed his face. "I have a perfectly good sword right here."

"I like that sword better," Fai agreed, glad that this sword could not be auctioned off; it was already in his possession.

* * *

The auctions were completely random. I wonder how Doumeki got so much money. Maybe Yuuko gave him a little pocket money (but that money will go right back to her since he bought her sword. Crafty Yuuko.)


	12. Counsellor

I wanted to write angst but it didn't work out. Really, really different. Again, writing form the POV of someone who is not part of our travelling merangerie. I'll explain it fully at the end. I hope that you enjoy.

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**Counsellor**

XX

Life was boring back then. The days passed me by at a lazy crawl. Peaceful, unchanging, calm days that would slowly merge into the next, passing me by without me even noticing. The seasons changed from spring to summer to autumn to winter, to spring again, changing with hardly a transition in between, changing without me even feeling that change.

The road to that building was lined with cherry blossoms in full bloom. I suppose that it must have been spring. I don't really care much for the seasons, never did and doubt that I ever will. Even as the petals drifted right in front of my face, I never really saw them. Everything that I saw a little distanced from me. Everything that I felt was just a little dulled. I didn't care about anything. There was nothing to care about. There was nothing worth caring about.

It was this apathetic attitude that had made those Suits force me to go to that building. It was my total disregard for everything that made them force me to go there, sit down and talk about nothing.

It was such a waste of my time. This counselling that they called it was nothing more than some old man pretending to know what he was talking about and I, sitting there, pretending to listen.

It was with a sense of resignation that I entered the counselling room, with the utmost conviction that this was just some bothersome waste of my time, and that was how I met my new Sensei.

"Ah, Kuro-chan! Sit down. Didn't you hear me? You must be tired. Please take a seat, Kuro-rin."

From the very moment I walked into that room, he surprised me. No one, and I mean no one, ever shortened my name, at least, no one who had a healthy attachment to their own limbs ever shortened my name.

Kuro-chan sounded like such a girl's name. Just hearing it made me bristle but he drawled out that obscene nickname, saying it with a slightly teasing tone that sounded…almost slutty.

"I'm sorry," I replied tersely, keeping my teeth gritted together to try and retain some civility. "I don't know anyone by that name."

"Ah," he looked at me knowingly, as if he had expected such a response, and he would continue to give me that look every now and then for the rest of the time that I knew him.

He got out of his chair. It was one of those ridiculous office chairs with wheels that children like to spin on. He walked towards me but instead of stopping he passed me and made his way to the door, shutting it firmly. I heard a click and spun around.

"W - what are you doing?"

"You have a choice, Kuro-chi," he replied patiently, using another horrible nickname. "You can either sit down and have some gummi bears like a good boy or you can be difficult and force me to take…disciplinary measures."

A strange expression washed over his face. I don't think it's much of an exaggeration to say that he looked positively evil at that point. Like some sort of sadistic demon. It was enough to make me take a grudging seat on the couch opposite his desk.

"Aren't you going to have a gummi bear?" the councillor, returning to his former sweetness, pointed at the bowl on the table before me.

"I hate sweets," I pushed them away. Just because he had made me sit did not mean that I had to do anything else for him.

He looked as if he had expected such a response and set at his desk. He was not like the other councillors that I had met before. For one thing, he was quite young, perhaps somewhere in his twenties. His blond hair and blue eyes told him to be a foreigner, perhaps from overseas, and his mannerisms and childish behaviour were almost despicable.

"Now, Kuro-kichi, you're still in middle school, correct?" He began questioning me. I rolled my eyes. This was going to be boring.

"Yeah, so what?"

"My mistake. You're _supposed _to be in middle school, if only you would attend," he looked up from his papers to smile.

"There's nothing wrong with being a delinquent," I fidgeted uncomfortably. His gaze pinned me where I sat. His smile knew too much. It was disturbing.

"At middle school? It's not considered cool until you get to high school."

"What do you know?"

"You don't like it?"

"I hate it," I sharply turned away from him, not wanting to look into those blue eyes.

"You don't like home either," he continued. "You don't like your foster parents. Do you like puppies?"

"Puppies?" I jerked up, surprised by such an unexpected question.

"I'll buy you a puppy if you want," he offered.

I had no idea what he was talking about but by then I was wondering if he was not the one in need of counselling and what he had done with the real councillor. "I hate puppies!"

"There's not much that you like, is there?" he said absently.

"I like it when stupid councillors stop trying to think that they can understand me! I like it when people stop thinking that they can open me up like some machine and see what makes me tick! No one can understand me!" I yelled. I hated being there, in that office, having to talk to people I did not care about and did not care about me.

I hated the absurdity of it. I hated being observed like an animal. Everything about the system of counselling, I despised. I hated thinking about my so-called family. Hated having to live one pointless day after another not really knowing where I was going whilst the world passed me by.

"Kuro-chan…"

I hated looking at other people's happiness, at their smiles and laughter that I could never take part in. Looking from behind the glass, always only looking in.

"No one understands anything! The teachers! Stupid councillors like you! My so-called parents! I - "

"You're lonely," he said softly, but with a hardness that took me aback. "Ever since your real parents died and you had to move far away to be with your adopted mother and father, it's been hard, hasn't it?"

"I like being alone," I replied quickly, feeling the conversation spinning dangerously close to a sore spot.

"It's safer to be alone," he said.

"What?"

His smile was too disturbing. How could he smile at me like that, as if he could see into my soul? Yet his smile was kind and gentle and just a little bit lonely too.

He put aside his pen and came towards me, kneeling on one leg so that we could look at each other face to face.

"You're strong," he spoke gently, "You can get by on your own, without relying on anyone. If you're alone, you don't have to worry about being hurt; you don't have to deal with people. If you're not happy you don't have to worry about losing it but…even so…sometimes, when you stare out into the blue sky, it feels just a little bit empty inside."

"Sensei…" I breathed. I was not sure what to say. Whether I should yell and shout and deny everything or fall into absolute silence.

"Of course, I'm just guessing all of this!" he suddenly stood, laughing like an idiot.

I almost fell onto my face.

"Sensei!" I yelled at him.

He grinned at me in reply. "Are you mad? You said so yourself, no one can understand you but you. Only you can make sense of whom you are and what you want to do. I can only be there to support you."

For the first time in my life, I was at loss for words.

Sensei was not like the other councillors that I had met before. For one thing, he was quite young, perhaps somewhere in his twenties. His blond hair and blue eyes told him to be a foreigner, perhaps from overseas, and his mannerisms and childish behaviour were almost adorable.

I could have made it, I told myself. I could have endured the dull days and the pointlessness of my life. I could have put up with the disdain of others. I could have gone through life completely alone, only watching other people's happiness, walking through the cold without ever touching anyone and not even feel sorry for myself. I could get used to sliding along the surface of life and say to myself 'it's not so bad like this.' Being on the outside, always looking in.

Yet, for some reason, I could have put up with all that abandonment and loneliness, but the moment someone was kind to me, the moment someone cared I suddenly could not handle it anymore. Sensei's understanding gaze crushed me. It made me break down and cry.

XX

Days passed me by quicker than I could remember. I started going to school again. Not going would have made Sensei nag and worry and his nagging and worrying was just too bothersome for me to deal with, so I went.

As suspected, school was both pointless and boring but I could stand it somehow. I was allowed to visit Sensei whenever I wanted, usually after school when I did not want to go home. Sensei was always there. He never seemed to go home. I began to suspect that he might even be living there, sleeping under his desk.

The image of him, stealing candy from the vending machines, sleeping in his office and living off his secret stash of gummi bears was a picture that entertained me during the most boring of lessons.

"The teachers piss me off! Everyone in my class is an idiot too!" I yelled once, storming into his office. All question of formality had been broken down between us. I even allowed those stupid nicknames.

Sensei held up a bowl of familiar, brightly coloured sweets. "Have a gummi bear, Kuro-chan, and tell me about it."

XX

"So my folks have set me a curfew, can you believe it? I only just met Tomoyo and already they're doing stuff to drive her away!"

"You want her to stay?" Sensei tilted his head to one side, looking at me from across the table where I sat, in my usual place and he in his.

"I…I don't care either way!"

"Your parents are just worried about you. If you talk to them reasonably instead of charging in like a deranged dog…"

"Why do you always compare me to a dog?" I asked grudgingly.

"It's because you're cute, just like a puppy!" he squealed with delight. He would have probably reached out and hugged me but doing so would have made me spill his precious gummi bears onto the floor so he contented with grinning at me inanely and asking "Are you happy now, Kuro-chi?"

"That's…not a question that is easily answered," I stuttered, taken aback by such its bluntness

He nodded wisely. "Good. I'd be disappointed if you were able to say yes or no so easily. It's meant to be a struggle. Your life is supposed to be balanced by joy and sorrow. That's what living is."

I stared at my shoes thoughtfully. Not that my shoes were particularly interesting or wise, it was just that they were the best things to stare at during that moment. Sensei was…he was impossible to pin down. Bright and cheery yet wise and understanding, it seemed, just being with him, made things clearer.

"Sensei," I began, looking up again, "did you always think of things the way you do now?"

"Nope!" he laughed. "Actually, I used to be a little like you inside. I would smile and laugh and pretend to be cheery but on the inside I was just like you; lost and confused and really, really lonely," he smiled at something distant.

I probably should not have asked about his private life, his eccentric behaviour should have more than warded me off, but my curiosity was stronger than all forms of sense.

"What happened, Sensei?"

"I met _him_," he gave nothing but vague answers, completely unwilling to divulge more than he wanted to. "I think that I was more stubborn than you. He almost killed me a few times trying to bring out the real me and I almost killed him for it too."

"He must be a really great guy," I said absently. At least, I tried to look as if I didn't care but I was awed by anyone whom Sensei could talk about so fondly.

"Yes, he is," Sensei replied, smiling as if he knew some special kind of secret and looking at me with blue eyes that seemed to gaze into my soul.

XX

Every meeting also means that there will be a parting. That was what he told me.

At that time, I thought, if that's true than I never want to meet anyone again. Everyone will leave in the end anyway.

"Oh, Kurogane. Sensei is in his office," the woman at the reception told me as I walked in.

I nodded and walked straight for Sensei's office. I knew Sensei would be there. He was always there. His office was the first door on the right. It had no name on it but a golden number plate with the digits 02 on the dark mahogany.

I reached out for the handle but an unfamiliar voice stopped me from opening it. Sensei had never had visitors before and, as far as I knew, I was the only one under his care.

"You should see him. He's soooo adorable!" Sensei's voice was unmistakable. Even without the long drawing out of his syllables, his voice was almost unlike any other.

"I don't want to see him!" the other voice muttered. It was so different from Sensei's voice that I almost drew back. It was deep and rough, distinctively male, and somewhat dangerous.

"Aw, now don't be like that. The two of us have become the best of friends," Sensei replied blithely, not the least intimidated by the absolute power that was carried in this man's voice.

"The princess is ready to travel again. We'll be leaving soon," the voice dipped low and spoke in soft tones. It was almost tender.

I pressed my ear closer to the door, all guilt gone. I just wanted to know what was going on. Who was this stranger with the dangerous, powerful voice that could speak so gently?

"I know, I'm almost packed," Sensei replied, his voice too becoming washed over with something that might have been mistaken for affection.

I jerked away from door.

"Leave that junk behind!" the other growled.

"Leave it behind? I couldn't possibly do that!"

Sensei was leaving?

"You've been spending all your time here!"

"Jealous? Should I be giving you more love and attention?"

Sensei was going to leave? I don't know how I felt about it at that moment. Maybe I was just a little sad.

"L - like I care! Just be ready to leave!"

Footsteps closed in on me, heavy footsteps that could not possibly belong to Sensei.

I pulled away and dived down the corridor, hiding myself behind a corner as the door opened. I did not see much of his face; I did not dare stick my head out too far to peek. He was tall and strong and took long, purposeful strides. He carried himself confidently and I wondered if this was the person that Sensei had praised.

I wish that I had seen his face but he wore a long dark cape and had pulled his hood up to shroud his face. A cosplay freak? It was hard picturing slightly eccentric but practical Sensei falling for someone like that.

I jerked away from my train of thought. Why had I assumed that Sensei would be in a relationship with that man?

Well, the "Should I be giving you more love and attention?" line was a bit of a give-away.

Still, it made me feel…a little angry. Maybe I was jealous. I don't really think of Sensei in that sense but sometimes, when I'm feeling particularly hormonal and a bit of a girl, I think that perhaps, maybe, I could have fallen for him. Maybe. If he wasn't so much older than I was and already loving some cosplay freak.

I can't remember how long a stayed in hiding before I remembered where I was and returned to Sensei's office.

The door was open and he was packing things into a large cardboard box. All the books on his shelf had been cleared away, leaving them unpleasantly empty and the weird gadgets and gizmos on his desk had all disappeared.

"S - Sensei?" I knocked and walked in without waiting for him to invite me.

"Hmm? Oh, hello, Kuro-chan," he greeted me absently, pushing more things into an already over-packed box.

"Sensei, are you leaving? Your desk…"

"You're almost out of middle school, aren't you? I didn't know that I had stayed here for so long. It was never my intention to linger but Sakura-chan…" he trailed away, clearly avoiding my question. I was not quite sure of what he was talking about but I was determined not to let him dodge the question. I didn't want him to run away from it.

"Wait, Sensei! You can't leave! What am I supposed to do if you go?" I cried, trying to catch his attention from his cleaning.

Sensei turned to look at me, gently smiling. "Unfortunately, every meeting also means that there will be a parting but you don't need to worry. You're strong, Kuro-rin and you're already getting on with things just fine."

"But, Sensei…" I protested.

"Always remember, when you're feeling down…" he began.

"…Have a gummi bear," I finished, though without the cheer with which Sensei had started.

"Right! Just remember that and you'll be fine!"

"Are you going somewhere on your own or are you going to be with that person from before?" I continued to question him.

"I'm going to be with him…and a few others," he replied.

"Where?"

"Who knows?"

"Do you expect to part with him too one day?"

Sensei stopped.

I watched him closely.

He raised his hand to brush a stray strand of blond from his eyes. His expression was contemplative, then he slowly began to smile. It was a strange, small, inward smile, as if he knew a secret that he would not divulge.

"Maybe," he spoke softly, in barely more than a whisper. "Yes. I suppose so."

"Sensei…" I tried to say something. I wanted to ask how, if he expected to part one day, how he could bring himself to be with anyone. If everyone was going to leave you, wasn't it better to be alone? You can't miss what you never had.

Yet I think I already knew the answer and Sensei was back to his perky self.

"You can have my gummi bear collection!" he offered, bringing out packs upon packs of gummi bears from the hollow inside what I had always thought to have been a very large dictionary. So that was where he kept them.

"On last question," I urged him. "Sensei, what's your name?"

He stopped again and smiled at me, beckoning me closer with a finger. He stooped down and brought he lips so close to my ear that I could have blushed.

"Big Kitty," he whispered and pranced out of the door.

XX

_Sensei, it's been almost a year since then. I'm in high school now, currently sitting at my desk by the window staring out at nothing. Life is boring and I'm still surrounded by idiots but I'm getting on. _

"Class, we have a new student. He just transferred here from overseas. Please, everyone, make him feel welcome."

_I wouldn't say that I'm happy but I'm content. I know where I'm going and what I want to do with my life. _

"Pleased to meet you."

_But Sensei, sometimes, it still bothers me, y'know?_

"My name is Fai. I just transferred here. It's a pleasure."

_You never did tell me your name. _

* * *

Okay, here's the explanation for anyone who didn't get it. Baisically, the group has landed in a new world and Fai got a job as a councillor whilst searching for Sakura's feather and came to look after Little Kurogane from that world. However, the story is told from Little Kurogane's POV so he of course doesn't know about the feather or that the man Fai/Sensei was talking to was another, older version of himself. 

Phew, I hope that wasn't too confusing. Next chapter will have some much needed KuroFai action!


	13. Secretary

I say secretary but they're not really secretaries. I don't know what to call them. As close to plotless smut as I'll probably ever get. It's still a T so it's all safe.

* * *

**Secretary**

Everyone says that office life is hell. They tell you that, preparing you for the worst of being part of the working force, but nothing can ever really prepare you for the true horror of office life. Everywhere on the media they tell stories of the horrible monotony of work, screaming 'save yourself!' in their subliminal messages.

However, Kurogane, being unfamiliar with the bombarding negative images of the working force, only discovered its horrors when it was too late.

**7:25AM**

Kurogane whacked a heavy hand over his alarm clock just to stop it beeping. Pushing himself up, he ran a hand groggily through his hair, blinking as the morning sunshine burnt away at his eyes.

The hiss from outside told that Sakura was frying up breakfast and the familiar clink of china and gush of running water also told him that that stupid mage was up, bright, early and as bubbly as always.

"Kuro-chaaan, are you up yet? We've got to go!" the mage's overly cheerful voice drawled from the kitchen.

Sighing, he swung his legs over the bed and got dressed. It was too damn early for this.

**8:00AM**

He hated trains. He hated packed trains, full of people squashed together like sardines in a can. During the rush hour, all regards to personal space were lost in an attempt to pack as many people onto a carriage as possible, and it did not help that there was always at least one person with body odour.

Kurogane stood, hanging onto the handlebars as the train rattled towards the next station. People elbowed past him to get on and off, pressing against him so that he could hardly breath. It did not help that Fai was one of the people pressed against him. The wizard stood in front of him, knocking into him every now and again.

Fai glanced over his shoulder and grinned, proving to Kurogane that the man knew exactly what he was doing and its affect on him.

He glared at the blond; promising revenge as soon as he could move his arms, and willed his mind to keep a reign on his body's reactions.

The train rattled and stopped somewhere in the darkness, in a place somewhere between two stations. Over head, the speakers crackled and announced that the train would be delayed for ten minutes due to a signal failure up ahead.

The passengers groaned and ruffled their newspapers irritably and Kurogane gritted his teeth, wishing that he had Souhi at hand.

**9:10AM**

They both entered the office just in time for work. Their desks were part of a maze of other desks, separated only by thin board-walls that one could easily peer over. The boards were decorated with various things the workers brought from home - pictures, paintings, posters - and their desks were laden with paper.

As they entered, they could easily spot their own desks from amongst the labyrinth of others, their desks being the only ones that lacked anything that showed off their personal life.

"Kurogane-san, Fai-san, more faxes came in for both of you last night," someone called to them as they passed the rows of walls separating the desks, giving each worker their own mini-cubicle.

"We're on it!" Fai saluted, more alive than anyone on a Monday morning had the right to be.

The office was buzzing with rapid talk, ringing phones and the sound of processing paper. Everything smelt of coffee and biscuits, deliriously warm and stiflingly hectic.

Kurogane resigned himself to the mountain of paper work left to him, ready with a sigh to tackle the daunting pile. He took the nearest sheaf out and began scanning it, hoping that he would not doze off before the work was done.

However, he did not have to fear going to sleep since Fai's cubicle was right next to his and they were not even five minutes into their work when the wizard popped his head over the wall.

"Psst! Kuro-chi!" he leaned over the wall, trying to grab his attention with ridiculous whispers. "Photocopy these for me, please."

Kurogane looked up from his work irritably. "Why can't you do it?"

Fai lazily waved the papers in front of his face. "It's the photocopier. It won't work for me."

"The photocopier doesn't like anyone."

"Oh no, the photocopier loves me. That's the problem," he replied, throwing the papers onto his desk. Before Kurogane could protest, he had ducked back down into the safety of his own cubicle, disappearing from sight.

Thereby accepting his fate, he stood up and made his way to the photocopying room.

He closed the door of the room behind him as he entered, making his way to the old, worn-out photocopier in the corner. As he passed the counter, covered with empty donut boxes and discarded plastic cups, he was sure that he heard the coffee maker whistle…but that was probably just his imagination.

"Five copies," he said, placing the paper on the photocopier.

"A please would be nice," the photocopier bleeped and grumbled. Just who in the hell thought it was a good idea to let machines speak was anyone's guess but now those damn hunks of junk thought themselves equal to humans, setting up trade unions and demanding equal rights.

"Shut up. Five copies," he repeated, neglecting common courtesy, since no way in hell was he going to say please to a machine.

The photocopier clicked and rattled. Paper began shooting out from one end, smelling of hot ink. It clicked and rattled again and more paper came out.

"Hey, just how many are you making?" Kurogane kicked it.

"Five hundred copies," it retorted.

Kurogane kicked it again, only harder and with an actual intent of breaking it. "Idiot machine, I just wanted five!"

He grabbed the edges of the large photocopier, ready to break the stupid machine when a harsh voice ordered him to stop. Kurogane grudgingly turned around, glaring at whoever dared to interrupt him. That person happened to be the boss.

"Kurogane-san, what are you doing?"

"He's wasting paper! Wasting office resources by printing out more copies than necessary!" the photocopier cried shrilly, sounding like a child telling on another student.

Kurogane thumped the machine

"I see. This will be docked from your pay," he said bluntly and, turning on his heel, marched back out of the room.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Kurogane yelled after him, but his boss had already left. Restraining the urge to find a sword and go on a homicidal rampage, harking back to the good old days of Nihon…oh, the good old days…he turned around and hit the photocopier again. How he hated working for imbeciles and idiots.

The machine crowed happily but its triumph was short-lived as Kurogane bent down besides it.

"W - wait, what are you doing?" it stuttered nervously whilst he opened it up.

"It's called revenge!" he grinned with sadistic pleasure, reaching for the ink compartment.

"No! No! Don't take my coloured ink! It's what makes me special!" the photocopier wailed, rattling and spinning as much as its wire would allow.

"Shut up and stop struggling!" Kurogane grunted and wrestled with the machine, pulling out the cartridge as ink spilled all over him.

"Kuro-rin, did you make those copies and…what happened to you?" Fai stopped and stared, seeing Kurogane covered in coloured ink.

The ninja fell into his seat, leaning heavily against the cushioned back. "Next time, do your own damn photocopying."

**12:10PM**

"I'm glad that you managed to wipe that ink off," Fai said as he joined the ninja for lunch. Being a Monday, it was Kurogane's turn to let the blond share his cramped cubicle whilst they ate.

The ninja nodded absently, tearing into a particularly tough bagel. Around the cubicle was strewn with paper and pens, there was hardly much room for themselves yet they managed to squeeze in somehow.

"Hold still," Fai grinned and set aside his juice. Licking his finger, he reached over and rubbed away the last traces of blue ink above Kurogane's left eye.

**2:30PM**

"Oh, back for more, are you?" was the first thing the photocopier said when Kurogane walked into the room.

Fixing the machine with a hard glare, he gently closed the door behind him and walked past it. "I'm not here for you. I just want some coffee," he said tersely, trying his best to ignore the mass of metal and plastic.

"Don't make any for him!" the photocopier warned, to which the coffee maker snorted; "I'll do what I like!"

"It's not good for your circuits to hold a grudge," Kurogane grinned, pouring himself some coffee from the thankfully obliging coffee maker.

The photocopier rattled angrily. "Oh, think you're a big man, do ya? You and me! Give me an extension cord and let's take this outside!"

"Idiot."

When the door opened, Kurogane was by all rights prepared to face his idiot of a boss and ready to throw any sort of reproach back in the man's smug face. Yet when the door did open, it was not his boss but a hyperactive blond poking his head through. Upon seeing him, he grinned, exclaiming "Kuro-pon!" as if he had never expected them to meet again.

"Fai-sama!" the photocopier exclaimed, just as surprised as Kurogane was at the blond's sudden entrance.

"Why is he a 'sama'?" Kurogane raised an eyebrow at the machine.

Yet the blond seemed to bounce in with a smile, gently closing the door behind him. It softly clicked, cutting off the hustle and bustle of the outside offices.

"Coffee? Can I have some too?" Fai eagerly looked at the steaming drink, ignoring the photocopier, much to its annoyance.

"I drink mine black," he warned him.

Fai hoisted himself onto the counter. Tilting Kurogane's chin towards him, he smiled coyly. "I don't mind," he whispered. "Kuro-puu makes it sweet."

Through the corner of his eye, he glanced at the clock. He supposed that it was almost that time of day and they both deserved a break.

Before he could speak, Fai's lips were firmly pressed against his, searching for a taste of coffee. Kurogane struggled to break from the kiss, shaking his head.

"Wait," he panted.

Fai frowned. "But, Kuro-chin, it's that time of day for our break.. Office romances are healthy! They say that everyone should have one."

Kurogane nodded. He had heard all of Fai's arguments before. Apparently, from some magazine the wizard had read; it was an actual health benefit to engage in office romances at least once a day.

"Not here, not in front of that damn thing," he gestured towards the photocopier.

"Then come with me."

**2:55:PM**

Fai pulled him into the closest stock closet trapping them in darkness. His back hit one of the shelves in his eagerness, sending boxes of paperclips and pencils cascading around them.

Off came the stifling tie. Kurogane never liked ties anyway. His fingers works at quickly unbuttoning Fai's shirt then doing away with the jacket before sliding the white cotton shirt off of Fai's slender shoulders.

Yet as they undressed the door opened. A rectangle of light seeped into the closet. Kurogane grabbed Fai around his waist and rolled him into a dark corner. They froze, waiting with bated breath as footsteps echoed over the hard floor.

"Who made such a mess here?"

A female voice. They waited as the sound of high heels clicked closer. A pause. Something shuffled in the darkness. The sound receded and the door closed again, shutting out the light. They both relaxed.

"Is she gone?" someone asked - an unfamiliar voice.

In an almost comical fashion, the both slowly turned their heads towards the source of the voice. Another couple - a man and a young woman, much younger than he, were frozen in each other's arms; partially undressed. That neither Kurogane nor Fai had noticed them, so caught up in their own activities, was an embarrassment to their skills.

"Is she gone?" the man whispered again. "Don't mind us…it was hot."

**3:40PM**

This time Kurogane was the one who pulled Fai into the lift. Hitting the button for the highest floor, they waited for the lift to begin moving before they began what they could not finish in the closet.

"Kuro-pin," Fai panted, having ran from the cupboard to the lifts, ignoring the people on the way asking them where the fire was.

"Shut up," he growled, and slumped to the floor. Fai sank with him, sitting between his legs. He must have decided that he'd rather have the man on top of him for he yanked hold of his tie, easing back as he pulled the other on top of him.

"What's this?" Fai slid himself upwards so that he was no longer talking into Kurogane's chest. "Letting me top?"

"Enjoy it whilst you can."

**4:25PM**

As time wore on, more people began using that lifts. Since both found it extremely annoying to halt their pursuit of good health every time an old lady got on the first floor and rode with them all the way to the twentieth, they moved to the men's bathroom, which were, due to its appalling condition, almost always empty.

Kurogane rammed Fai against the wall, pinning him to the graffiti-splattered tiles. Fai resumed unbuttoning him, running his hands underneath his shirt before grabbing Kurogane by the collar and pulling him towards him, begging to be kissed.

His hand wandering downwards, he could hear Fai panting close to his ear. The blond's hands ran through his dishevelled hair, whispering his name as Kurogane pressed his mouth over his neck, leaving a bright red mark that could hopefully be concealed.

The bathroom door swung upon. They both jumped back startled. Before Kurogane had even move Fai had already dashed into one of the cubicles, locking the door behind him. Unsure of what to do, the ninja decided that the best way to explain his dishevelled state was to feign sickness, leaning over as if to throw up.

The man glanced at him oddly and disappeared into the cubicle next to Fai's. Kurogane hesitated and then relaxed. He looked down at the position that he had held and realised that he had been bending over a urinal.

**5:00PM**

It was an unspoken rule that the boss of any company could leave before anyone else. It was also an unspoken rule that the boss _would_ leave before anyone else, so neither Kurogane nor Fai felt any compunction in using their boss' desk to continue.

They quickly slid in before anyone was watching. Had they had a moment to think, they would have stopped to reflect on just why the hell they were doing this and just why the hell they had continued to do this. However, both of them had seemed to forget what it was they had intended on doing when they had started and now were simply determined to finish without interruptions regardless of anything else.

"The desk!" Fai's eyes gleamed wickedly.

**5:30PM**

"Fai-san, Kurogane-san, thank you for you hard work!"

Fai straightened his tie as he walked out of the office, Kurogane following shortly behind. They both looked at the short man addressing them with a deep bow; infinitely puzzled.

"Eh? Is it the end of the day already?" Fai and Kurogane shared a look that was thankfully lost on the man.

"Of course, weren't you paying attention?" he gestured to the clock.

Fai blinked just in case his eyes were deceiving him. Finally, he shrugged and grinned, replying modestly, "Well, time flies when you're working hard."

The man nodded in agreement, running a hand through his thinning black hair. "Everyone else are such slackers. They should really be more like you two."

To this comment Kurogane really had no words but Fai laughed it off and returned his formalities. "Thank you for your hard work," he met the man with just as deep a bow.

"Come on, let's go before rush hour really begins," Kurogane tugged at the sleeve of Fai's jacket. He wanted to go home and relax as much as he could before the next day, when he had to go in for another long, tiring day of work.

* * *

If you spent that long making-out or at least trying to make out, wouldn't you be happy? I have a burning itch to write smut that I just can't scratch and this is what happens.


	14. Doctor

Chapter fourteen done finally! Useless information - there was a rumour that the song Ring o' rosies is a refference to the plague. It's quite morbid when you look into it but aren't all children's games based around death and destruction?

* * *

**Doctor**

XX

Kurogane stood by the window, watching the children playing outside. The hospital room was dingy and disgustingly dirty, the walls splattered with all sorts of stains and the floor smeared with dried blood and vomit. The smell was appalling and the low moans of their patients had become a background noise.

An unoccupied bed, the white sheets stained brown and red, stood in the corner by a cabinet full of jumbled medicines and used needles. The conditions really were appalling. In any stable society, no one would have let him operate without years of practice but here, with an epidemic running rampant, anyone who could make clean cuts could become a doctor. They were sorely needed.

He carefully sorted through a tray of glass tubes, standing close to the window for its light. Many tubes were broken. Of these, he gently picked out and dropped into the bin by his foot.

With an annoyed grunt, he disposed of over half of the tubes. Nothing in this damn, pitiable excuse of a hospital seemed to be working. Even the lights had gone out, leaving him stranded by the window in order to see through the gloom.

Of course, it was not so bad. He could see the setting sun from where he stood and the children play, though he cared more for the man playing with the children than with any of the little, grubby street children.

Fai stood in a circle with the tiny children, holding hands with the two closest as they slowly turned and chanted.

_"Ring a ring o' rosies_

_A pocket full of posies_

_Ah-tishoo! Ah-tishoo!_

_We all fall down!"_

As the children fell to the ground, Fai joined them in their laughter and helped them up again only to perform the same game again.

Kurogane stared at them. He did not know how anyone could be entertained by such a simple game and the children had been doing nothing but chanting and falling down for over an hour. He supposed that the simple-minded were easily amused. No wonder the blond seemed to be having so much fun all of the time.

_Clink._ Another broken tube went into the bin.

The setting sun made the dingy town glow in a way that somehow managed to hide all the death and decay that plagued the little huddles of houses. In its warm light, Fai's normally pale skin seemed to glow too; his hair was tinged with fire, his blue eyes brighter and clearer than Kurogane had ever seen them.

A sudden, sharp pain brought his attention back to where he was. He cursed and looked down at his bleeding hand where he had cut himself on the broken glass tubes. Swearing under his breath, he laid aside the tray. Blood dripped down his hand, running down his wrist.

He really had to pay more attention to what he was doing.

XX

"Kuro-chan, dinner's ready!"

"Give me a minute!" he yelled from his room. He wanted to quickly bandage his cut before anyone noticed. Maybe he could wear gloves to hide it and just claim that he was feeling cold.

He snorted at the absurdity of such a plan but before he could think of a better one Fai had already burst into his room, ready to drag him out by the arm in order to have him sample his cooking.

"Kuro-chi!" Fai entered their dingy room. Much like the rest of town, it was dark and decrepit. "What's this?"

"Nothing," he quickly hid his hand but Fai had already caught sight of it.

"Did you hurt yourself?" he grabbed Kuroagne's injured hand, inspecting it worriedly.

"I said that it was nothing!" Kurogane snatched his hand out of the blond's grip, letting it rest uselessly by his side.

Fai persisted in grabbing hold of his hand, holding it up to his face so that he could inspect the damage. It was a straight, clean cut, neither too long nor too deep but still it was a cause of concern for the man.

"If we were in a different world it would be nothing but you know that there's an epidemic going around here!" Fai insisted unwrapping Kurogane's shoddy work.

Syaoran had come to the conclusion that the disease that was ruining the town was spread through the bodily fluids - most commonly blood. As long as it did not get inside your body, it was safe to touch and smell as much blood as one wanted, but if it made its way into the body…the results were almost always fatal.

"I'm fine!" Kurogane tried retracting his hand, without much success.

"Did you…"

"It's okay, it's fine!"

Fai determinedly held onto his hand. Raising it to his lips, he began licking the drying blood around the wound.

Kurogane started and roughly shoved him away. "What are you doing?"

"I'm kissing it better!" Fai grinned.

"Idiot!" he wanted to whack the man around the side of his head. "This disease is passed through the blood! If it gets into your system - "

"But Kuro-chin just said that he wasn't infected," Fai said pointedly, speaking slowly as if he were dealing with one of the many children that he played with outside of the hospital.

Kurogane growled and shoved him away as he tried to reach for his wounded hand again. "I'm not! That's not the point!" he yelled.

"So it's okay!"

"Even if I wasn't, there's no need to take that risk!"

"You're the one taking a risk, working in that hospital."

"So? What about you, always playing that morbid game with those children. They're covered in scrapes and cuts," he shot back, his hunger beginning to make him more annoyed than he usually would be.

"You don't have to talk about them as if they were parasites," Fai chided him, though his expression was strangely amused. "If Kuro-chi dies - "

"I'm not going to die!" he yelled, exasperatedly. Right now, he was willing to stomach a full course of Fai's ridiculously sweet pancakes than deal with the blond when he was being so stupidly complicated but Fai kept him pinned where he sat.

A flash of seriousness passed across his eyes before Fai artfully concealed it with a neutral expression. "I said _if_! _If_ you die, don't except me to…to hang around waiting for your reincarnation!"

Fai smiled and tried to laugh off his remark but Kurogane caught the message beneath Fai's comment. He would not hang around waiting for his reincarnation, if there was such a thing, he would follow straight after him.

He could not take much more of this. Kurogane growled, grabbing his wrists and pinning the smaller man to the floor. He used his weight to keep the blond there, lying underneath him whilst he lowered himself to Fai's face.

"You really piss me off when you talk like that," he whispered dangerously, his hot breath tickling Fai's ear.

"And here I was thinking that you would be flattered," Fai countered, though without his usual cheer.

"Idiot!" he lifted his face just slightly so that he could stare into Fai's eyes.

"Kuro-rin?"

"This whole 'I'd die for you' thing is so disgustingly romantic, it makes me sick," he glared at the man pinned underneath him. It was funny how Fai, just by lying there, his hair dishevelled and his cheeks tinged with pink, his lips slightly parted in a frozen gasp, could make him so damn angry.

"I know that Kuro-chi can be romantic if he tried," he said teasingly but Kurogane was in no mood for their usual games. Fai held a hand to the side of his face, warmly caressing his cheek. "What do you want then?" he whispered, looking at him earnestly.

Kurogane sighed, wonderingly if such a reckless man could ever fulfil such a wish. He moved off of Fai to stand by the window where the light flooded through in thin, fragile streams. The children were still playing that damn game. When would they shut up and go home?

_"Ah-tishoo! Ah-tishoo!_

_We all fall down!"_

"I want you to live for me."

* * *

It should have been kinky. It was going to be kinky dammit, but Kurogane was being emo. 


	15. Postman

Finally finished. I spent most of my time trying to get my stupid computer to stop crashing every five minutes. Grrr.**

* * *

**

**Postman**

XX

**Dear idiot,**

I am writing to you regarding the letter that you sent me, which consisted of your very extensive vocabulary of two words. The first word being unfit for the princess to find in the morning mail and the other word defining a small, stupid mammal with blue eyes and blond hair. In response to the proposal in your letter, I think that you should know that I am bluntly refusing you. Sleep in your own bed tonight.

**Regards, Kurogane**

(P.S. Why are you sending me mail anyway? We live in the same house, you stupid spaz)

XX

**Dear Kuro-muu,**

Wow! I'm so happy that you actually took the time to write. They say that writing your letters by hand shows a comfortable intimacy with the person that you are sending it to. This shows a dazzling devotion to your profession. You're a role model to postmen everywhere!

By the way, Kuro-chi, I'm writing to you because that way at least you'll have one letter to deliver so they can't fire you for incompetence. I'm helping out with your work you see, so I can't understand why you're so mean to me. I don't annoy you that much, do I?

**Love, Fai**

XX

**Dear moron, **

_I can't understand why you're so mean to me. I don't annoy you that much, do I?_

Understatement of the year.

I have five perfectly valid reasons why you are dangerous to my mental sanity. Of course, there are many more, but there are five primary reasons. Do I need to go through them all? Let's start with number one, shall we?

_1. The bastardisation of my name:_

Namely by you. My name is Kurogane. K-U-R-O-G-A-N-E. Not Kuro-muu or Kuro-chan, Kuro-tan, Kuro-pin, Kuro-wan, Kuro-chi, Kuro-pon, Kuro-wanko, or anything else that begins with 'Kuro' and _doesn't_ end in 'gane.' In all the months that we have been travelling through space and time together, how can you still not get that? If an animated pork bun with a level of I.Q that would insult a glass of water can understand that, why can't you?

No, actually don't answer that

**Kurogane**

XX

**Dear Kuro-bun,**

You forgot the above nickname when making your list. Besides, I could ask you the same thing. I am sure that I have told you my name before but just in case you suffer from Alzheimer's I'll tell you again. It's Fai. It's not idiot, moron, fool, stupid mage/wizard/magician, crazy tripped-out spaz or anything along those lines.

We could always make a compromise. I'll call you Kurogane if you call me 'The all-powerful ruler of the universe, great almighty Fai'

Think about it

**Yours, Fai**

XX

**Dear asshole,**

You forgot the above 'nickname' when making your list. By the way, I will call you that ridiculously long name when hell freezes over and the dimensional witch can spend twenty-four hours sober without getting the twitches.

Here's what else annoys me about you:

_2. The clothes_

Being a living, full functioning, who-the-hell-knows-how-old-you-are male, surely I would think that you would be perfectly capable of dressing yourself in manner that does not insult males everywhere. I suppose your mother dressed you up in that white and black monkey suit and oversized coat that you came flying into our first world with, so I'll be lenient and won't blame you for that, but what about the other outfits, huh? What were you thinking?

Jade? Tri-corner hats? _Knee-high boots?_ What were you thinking? Are you a French aristocrat in disguise or are you just the Highwayman come to life? And before you start pointing fingers, I was haemorrhaging because it was so stupid I needed to lose some to the blood going to my brain in order to cope, _not_ because it looked hot. I mean, come on who would find knee-high, leather, skinny boots attractive?

Lecourt? What was up with the bowler hat and tie? It just looked ridiculous. If you were trying to be Charlie Chaplin, it would have helped if you didn't speak so damn much, though you do make people laugh as he does, the laughter you induce is more like 'hahaha, please kill me now' laughter. I noticed the bum-buttons on your coat though. I suppose that they could be…handy.

Oh, and as for Piffle, can you say Malibu Stacey?

**Kurogane**

XX

**Dear Kuro-chuu,**

I didn't hear you complaining when I was wearing those boots. In fact, I would say that you were a little happy. You were looking at them an awful lot. Oh, and let's not forget the haemorrhaging.

Besides, Kuro-muu is so mean, you always forget about the good outfits. How about Yamano? Don't say that you didn't enjoy taking my armour off. Oh, and let's not forget Outo. You remember that place, don't you? It was where you divulged your innermost secret to me. You have a fetish for the French 'garcon' look. Now who's complaining about the tri-corner hat?

I'd love to dress you up in a tutu. You would look most dashing in pink.

**With love, Fai**

XX

**Dear dim-wit, **

First of all:

Me in a tutu + pink one very homicidal ninja

_3. Your cooking_

I'm not quite sure what spawn of evil you put into your broth but I'm sure your cheese soufflé consists of one part carbon, one part sulphuric acid and a hell of a lot of sugar to cover the taste. I blame you for the white pork bun bouncing off the walls after every meal. You do know what RDA is, right? Recommended Daily Allowance. I think that you put enough sugar into you cakes to kill a whale.

This is just a helpful cooking tip; if the amount of sugar you use can kill a giant slug, it's probably lethal to humans as well.

**Sincerely, Kurogane**

XX

**Dear Kuro-tu,**

In that case, I hope you enjoy the triple-chocolate cake I am sending you. I used no sugar in it at all so you should enjoy it.

**With dearest regards, Fai **

(P.S If you still find it too sweet that's because I used enough sweeteners to floor the tooth fairy's child)

XX

**Dear attempted murderer**

Are you trying to kill me? I refuse to eat that sickeningly sweet stuff even if you trickle it all over your body and...well…no, you won't move me! Force-feeding me must be some sick form of torture, which brings me onto my next point.

_4. The inherent evil that resides within you_

It is my belief that you were probably born with your scheming brain and amazing ability to annoy the hell out of me. For fear of repercussions, I will not go into detail about all that I have suffered at the hands of a small, blond creature with a relatively low IQ in everything except 'how to torture Kurogane' but know that a homicidal ninja is a dangerous thing.

Although, to be fair, I suppose you could release your evil like some magical girl in order to battle the forces of something or other when the time is needed. Or whenever your magical mojo stops working. Either way.

**Kurogane **

XX

**Dear Kuro-ki**

My ability to annoy you comes from many years of practice and devotion to the hidden arts school How to Annoy Kurogane in Eight Minutes, also known as HAKEM.

Even though I act otherwise, I assure you that I have every respect for the homicidal ninja locked up in your closet. However, I prefer the haemorrhaging one to be honest.

**Sincerely yours, Fai**

XX

**Dear maniac,**

_5. The smile_

You know that I had to come to this point sooner or later, didn't you? If I could chose any one thing that annoyed me the most it would be that damn, plastic, fake smile you stroll around with whilst you look like a lost little kitten.

I mean, honestly, who do you think you're fooling with that plaster cast, grow-your-own smile? If you wanted to convince someone that you were happy and innocent with rainbow flowers growing everywhere you walk and little gay fairies braiding your hair, then it would have been better if you did not exaggerate it so much.

Wait, why am I giving you tips?

Anyway, basically, that's what pisses me off. If you're happy then be happy, damn it. If you're sad then be sad. You're fine the way you are and I prefer you that way so there's no need to hide it, surely even an idiot like you can figure that out.

What I'm trying to say is, to quote a once-famous political leader, 'stop it, stop it now!'

**Kurogane**

(P.S. You look better with a real smile)

XX

**Dear Kuro-chan,**

Thank you

**Fai**

* * *


	16. Cleaner

Chapter sixteen

* * *

Cleaner

XX

The abbey was as old as it was large and completely out-dated. The stone walls and floors were all a dull grey tone, without a hanging or a rug to break its monotony. The windows were wide and arched and the doors heavy and bolted with iron locks.

Kurogane grunted as heaved a large wicker basket full of damp white sheets out into the grounds. He winced as he moved from the shady inner cloisters to the sunny grounds where the sun could burn into his back all it wanted.

The man silently cursed as he carried the basket across the short grass to the washing poles where the racks of pristine white bed sheets were fluttering in the wind. The washing poles stood in long rows parallel to each other, all blowing one way. Kurogane set down the basket at the foot of the first pole and glanced around.

The grounds were too large for him to see where the boundaries began and ended but they were almost as boring and repetitive as the abbey. Grass stretched as far as he could see. A few trees here, a few trees there. A bunch of bushes, some weeds, and that was all that there really was.

Looking around his more immediate area, Kurogane frowned when he realised that the one splash of colour in this sea of green had somehow disappeared. Fai was supposed to be hanging the washing not slacking off.

"Where did that lazy moron go?" He sighed to himself and took off in search of the man, picking at his itchy clergy robes and grumbling under his breath.

He did not have to search for long before he found the blond man standing at the foot of the largest tree on the abbey's grounds. It was a giant thing whose branches overshadowed them and whose roots could have served as beds for little children.

"What are you doing?" he asked as he stole upon the shorter man.

Fai, also decked in the same white and green robes as Kurogane, showed no surprise when he heard his voice so close to his ear.

"Kuro-chan," he glanced at him then pointed at the branches of the tree. Kurogane followed his gaze up into the highest reaches of the tree where a white sheet was fluttering in the wind, snagged on the branches.

He sighed. This was so annoying. The tree's bark was way too smooth to climb up and, being the monster of a tree that it was, even its lowest branches was way out of his reach.

"How'd it get up there?"

"The wind blew it up there of course," Fai turned to him. "If you give me a boost, I think that I can reach one of the lower branches."

Kurogane frowned and knelt down for Fai to climb on. As he stood, Fai's arms outstretched to grab the nearest branch. The man triumphantly hauled himself up and swung his body around the branches.

"Watch where you're climbing, idiot!"

"I'm almost there!"

He craned his neck skywards as he watched Fai precariously climb from branch to branch, easing himself closer to the run-away sheet. He stretched out his fingers, grunting as he reached as far as could, hoping to grab hold of the sheet.

A sudden, powerful gust of wind made Fai draw back and cling onto the swaying branch. Kurogane barely contained a worried yell but before his words found a voice the wind died down again and the sheet was fleeing into the west.

Fai stared at the disappearing sheet incredulously. "Kuro-chan! Go after it!" he cried.

Grumbling about all the trouble that one sheet was causing them, he obligingly followed it westward.

By the time he found it, it was no longer white. The sheet had fallen into a small ditch, still muddy from last night's rain and had dyed itself an attractive shade of brown.

"Damn," he picked the sheet up from the corner with a look of distaste. The abbey being as old as it was, he would have to scrub it clean with his hands again.

Just as he was cursing the sheet for its latest escapade, one of the clerics stumbled upon him with the dirty sheet.

"Oh, Kurogane, did it escape you? Come with me and let's get it cleaned up. I have many more sheets for you to clean," he gestured for the man to accompany him back to the abbey.

Kurogane scowled at the cleric's back and followed.

The people of the abbey seemed to expect cleaners to do everything. They may have been giving them food and board but as he passed the kitchens, seeing the princess tending to the fire whilst the kid ran around with a mop to the sound of an angry cleric's bark, he felt more like slaves trapped until they could leave again.

The man that he was with gave him more sheets to clean and sent him promptly on his way. Honestly, how many beds could one abbey hold? The scrubbing left his hands red as he cursed every stitch and inch of fabric in his hands. The piles of bed sheets left him busy into the later hours of the evening until the sun had gone down and the bell for supper had been rung.

Throwing down his scrubbing board and soap, he briefly wondered why Fai had not met him yet. Usually the man felt it necessary to 'collect' him before proceeding to claim their evening meal. Surely the man would not miss the well-deserved chance of food.

Then he remembered.

He was not sure whether to be worried or amused, but he found that the latter predominated.

As slowly as he could, he stood up and slipped into the abbey grounds, making his way to the largest tree in the area.

"Kuro-tan!" his name was hailed as soon as got within a five-foot radius. Something small and brown flew from the branches, hitting him squarely on his head.

"Argh! What the hell?" he peered up into the mass dense of leaves then down at the thing rolling besides his foot. "Did you just throw a pinecone at me?"

"That's because you left me!" Fai sat in the tree, playfully shouting down from the branches.

Kurogane scowled at him. "You were the one who told me to run after that damned sheet!"

"But I expected you to come back afterwards!"

"I forgot - " he barely stopped himself from saying before he was struck by another barrage of pinecones. Rubbing his sore head, he growled, "Dammit! Throw another one and I really will leave you up there!"

"Get me down," Fai had his hands loaded and poised for another assault.

"Maybe I should just leave," he fought the smile struggling its way onto his lips.

His eyes suddenly took on a serious light and he looked at Kurogane sternly. "If you leave, I'll set the squirrels on you. They're highly trained and deadly," he gestured to the other branches where his infamous army were not doubt lying in wait.

"Now I'm definitely leaving," Kurogane snorted. He turned to leave the blond stranded up there, but as soon he turned his back he felt another pinecone hit him.

Severely testing his patience, he turned back round to face the annoying wizard.

From his perch, Fai swung his legs into the air, adopting a new strategy. "Let me down," he dropped his voice to a husky tone. "I'll make it worth your while," he promised.

His attempts, however well executed, to seduce Kurogane from the high branches of a tree were skewered by a very loud growling from his stomach. Fai quickly put a hand over it to quieten it, but from the look on Kurogane's face he had no doubt heard his stomach begging for food.

"Are you hungry?" he could hardly contain his amusement. It was not everyday he found himself in such an agreeable position of power. "Well, I'm sure the pinecones will taste good if you give it a while," he smirked, to which a pinecone went promptly sailing past his ear.

They both remained silent for a moment, Kurogane enjoying every minute of it whilst Fai gathered more ammunition to strike the smug-looking man.

Eventually, as Fai had gathered the most of what was around him, Kurogane stepped forwards and positioned himself under the branches with his arms open wide. "Jump down," he ordered.

"Will you catch me?" Fai looked down at him dubiously, unsure of what had brought about the sudden change of heart.

"Maybe," he felt his small, triumphant smirk spreading even wider. Oh, how he loved this. "If you agree to do both our shifts," he compromised.

Fai opened his mouth to protest but the absolute look of victory on the other man's face told him that this battle had already been lost.

With extreme reluctance, he conceded a nod and tried not to look at Kurogane's satisfied expression as he slipped from the branches and fell.

Kurogane safely caught him in his arms, still smirking with pleasure.

"I will make you regret this," Fai promised, frowning discontentedly at him.

"I'm sure that you will," he motioned to set the man on his feet.

"No way," Fai held on. "I've spent most of the day with my feet up. I'm not going to break that now."

Kurogane hesitated then shrugged. "Fine," he nodded and swung him from his current bridal-style position to hang over his shoulders like a sack of potatoes.

He was certain that the wizard was coming up with a thousand and one different plots for vengeance, most involving him not getting any for a while, but at the moment, he was feeling too damn good to care.

* * *

Sorry for the long wait. The next chapter shouldn't be up in too long - where Fai attempts to sue the Easter bunny for animal cruelty and Kurogane gets into a fight with cupid.


	17. Dentist

I believe I said something about an easter bunny and being updated soon. Well, I'm a horrible liar and so this has nothing to do with the easter bunny. Sorry!

* * *

**Dentist**

XX

Kurogane sat idly twirling a tweezer between his fingers as he stared at the clock hanging over the door. Fifteen minutes before the surgery would open and he was already sick and tired of the day. There was only so much one could take when, five days a week, he spent it looking down the mouths of others.

The room was too white and smelt of antiseptic mouthwash. Various charts and posters about cavities with stomach-turning pictures were plastered against the wall. The operating chair stood in the very centre next to the sink and the tray of tools, which Kurogane shifted his gaze too as the last of his precious few minutes were over.

"They're opening up the practice," Fai smiled over a cup of coffee. He had been reclining against one of the smaller chairs, flipping through records and patient files with one hand whilst he drank with the other.

Kurogane opened his mouth to reply. Probably to comment on how he hated work, or say something about being sick and tired of doing this every day, or even complain about how people could not brush their teeth properly nowadays. However, whether he was going to make some grouchy comment or irritated aside or curse the cavities out of his patients, he was cut off by an ear-piercing shriek.

"What the - " Kurogane stood, staring bewildered and somewhat irritably at the closed door.

Fai put his cup down intop of a filing cabinet and cautiously rose. The screaming had not stopped. Gods, it sounded as if a cat was being repeatedly run over by a lorry. It was a horrible, screeching, wailing, screaming sound that wavered and fell but never stopped.

Was someone being murdered? Was someone being excruciatingly mauled to their death by tiny screwdrivers? Fai and Kurogane shared a confused look but neither motioned the other towards the door.

Then someone knocked.

The wooden door creak as it opened just an inch, opening cautiously as a young, dishevelled woman poked her head in.

"Excuse me? _Excuse me_!" she had to shout over the sound of someone being tortured. "My daughter has an appointment!"

The door opened all the way and finally both Kurogane and Fai could see the source of that dreaded noise.

It was a girl. A small, screaming girl was holding her mother's sleeve with one hand and clutching a small book to her chest with the other as she cried and wailed for all she was worth. The mother looked down and tried to hush her to no avail. She looked absolutely worn as she tried to calm her child.

Through her screaming tantrum, she brawled the few comprehensible words of "I don't wanna! I don't wanna!" and held on to her mother tightly.

"Come now, it's not scary. I'll be waiting right outside," her mother softly detached herself and left in a hurry, closing the door behind her before the child could follow.

"Crap, just make her shut up!" Kurogane sat down and swivelled round on his chair, preparing the tools for use. They sometimes got patients like this, screamers that tried to protect themselves by bursting the eardrums of any nearby threat – he usually let the 'other one' deal with them.

"Kuro-chi, you're frightening her!" Fai waved him further away.

"Whatever, you deal with her," he grunted and began searching for her file.

Fai steered the girl towards the chair, wincing a little as she continued to cry her eyes out. He smiled reassuringly and reached for a jar from above one of the filing cabinets.

"Now come on, there's nothing to be frightened of. See? Good little girls who are quiet get lollipops!" he said, crouching in front of the small girl, shaking the candy jar in front of her face.

"Right, give her sweets that will give her more cavities just so she can come back here," Kurogane muttered under his breath.

The girl caught his words and screamed even louder, pulling at her dark brown braids, doing what little children always did and pounding her fists against the floor.

Fai looked at Kurogane accusingly. The screaming was just getting louder and louder. The lollipop tactic had failed miserably. It was time to bring out the big guns.

"How about you talk to Mr. Bunny?" he turned back to the girl with a bright pink bunny rabbit puppet over his right hand. He flexed his hand and made the bunny rabbit move and wave a paw at the girl. "Mr Bunny wants to be your friend but he can't talk to you when you cry so loudly."

"I – I don't want me teeth oooouut! It'll huuurt!"

"No it won't!" Fai desperately tried to stop her from damaging his hearing. "Mr Bunny with give you something magical to stop it from hurting!"

"Are you selling crack to children now?" Kurogane kept making unhelpful comments as he cringed at the girl's impressive set of lungs.

"Sit down on Mr Bunny's magical chair and Mr Bunny will protect you," Fai said, pointedly ignoring Kurogane. Reluctantly, the girl took a seat. "That's right! Now Mr Bunny will inject you with anaesthetic!" he clapped and fished out a large, pointy needle, holding it between the paws of Mr Bunny.

The girl began to scream.

Kurogane sighed and stood up again, running a hand through his hair. "C'mon kid, quit crying."

The girl looked at him as if she had not noticed him before. Her cries were reduced to snivels as she stared at him wide-eyed. "You…"

"Is there something on Mr Doggy's face?" Fai curiously pushed Mr Bunny close to Kurogane's nose.

"Stop calling me that!" he batted the puppet away.

"Mister, are you homotextual?

Both men stopped and turned towards the girl sitting on the patient's chair.

"What?"

"Do – do you like people from your own camp?" her voice still quivered as she sniffed.

Kurogane cast her an odd look. "What camp?"

"Do you p - play for the other team?"

"Wait," he began slowly, "are you asking me if I - "

"Take it in the other way," the girl wiped her nose on her sleeve. Her crying had stopped and she began to collect herself.

"What?"

Fai smiled and tossed Mr Bunny aside. "Little girl, where did you learn such things?" he asked politely.

"In my books the men were acting funny and I asked my sis about it and she said it was because they like people from their own camp." She handed Fai the book that she had been holding when she had entered the room, relinquishing it as if it were her most precious treasure.

"Well, you shouldn't assume that every male is like that," Kurogane pressed a button that made the chair lean backwards. There was work to do after all.

"But you look like that type," the girl continued.

"What type?"

"The type in my books."

"And what does 'the type' look like?"

There was a pause. "Lemme see…they're big and scary and they're dark and strong and some of them wear dark glasses – that's how you know that they're perverts!"

"Well I don't wear dark glasses and I'm not a pervert!" he replied tersely. "Do you even know what a pervert is?"

"A man who does naughty-naughty!" she responded proudly.

Kurogane rolled his eyes and Fai hid a small grin behind his back.

"I don't think little girls should be saying things like that."

"I am not a little girl, I am nine years old!" she protested.

He felt a headache coming on. He just wanted to get through his patients as quickly as possible and go home. "Well then, I don't think nine year old girls should be saying things like that," he replied.

"But it was in my books," she complained, "mister, do you like hotdogs?"

"Hotdogs?" he felt like an idiot repeating every word the little girl said. Behind him, he could feel Fai laughing at him.

"My sis said that there are two kinds of people, people with donuts and people with hotdogs. She said that the strange men were acting that way because they don't like donuts, they like people with hotdogs but I think both are yummy."

"That's great," he humoured her, fighting the urge to make some blunt comment. Had the girl been older, he would have, by God he would have.

Kurogane hoped that she would be silent as he drew closer and began arranging the tools on the tray but the girl, finally calm and no longer nervous, could not stop talking.

"Do you have a paddle, mister?"

"A what?"

"Sis said that even though some people with hotdogs like other people with hotdogs they get oar spasms just the same."

"Oar spasms?" a muscle near Kurogane's eye twitched.

"That could be interesting," Fai's expression was more than amused.

Kurogane shot Fai an annoyed look ans gestured for him to get ready to inject the kid with painkillers. "Okay now, little girl, why don't you just lean back and let me get on with my work?" he suggested.

"This was in my book too!" the girl ignored him. "One guy was always touching the other one and the other one was always blushing and that the strange man wanted to share a bed with the other guy and lie on top of him."

"And what did your sister say about that?" Fai could not help but ask but the girl favoured talking more than listening.

"You're a submarine, aren't you, mister?"

"I wasn't the last time I checked."

"But you must be a submarine because you're boy-friend is too small!"

"Boy-friend? This thing?" Kurogane stabbed a finger at the man standing behind him.

"Kuro-min, that was so cold!" Fai feigned a look of hurt.

"Sis said the one that lies on top is the domino and the one on the bottom is the submarine so you must be the submarine other wise you'd crush Mr nice dentist."

"My, what a bright girl you are!" Fai immediately brightened, patting the girl's head affectionately and laughing as Kurogane bristled.

"If he's Mr nice dentist, who am I?" he muttered then shot at the terrible two, "that's not for little girl's to know!"

"We can't have Kuro-pon crushing me now, can we?" Fai humoured the little girl, loving every second that Kurogane's annoyance grew. "Those books sure teach you a lot, don't they?"

"I always ask sis about them!" she bobbed her head up and down. "She also told me that when they share a bed their hotdogs go funny," she frowned, "but I think she was lying because hotdogs only do that when they get stale and then you have to throw them away or else the ants come and eat them."

"Well, I don't know about that. Have ants come to eat your hotdog yet, Kuro-tan?" he grinned devilishly.

"No, but I know a small, stupid, blond creature that likes the taste of it just fine," he shot back, which shaded Fai's cheeks with a touch of pink.

"So the…submarine makes…lots of noise…" the girl began to drift off, having talked herself tired. Fai used this opportunity to give her the painkillers and Kurogane was finally able to get to work with minimal resistance.

XX

"Thank God that's over," Kurogane was stuffing his things in his bag as the long working day was finally at its end. Finally, one screaming brat, two flirting woman and about a dozen boring salary men later, they could go home.

Fai smiled and helped clear things up for the day. By the time that they arrived home, Sakura would be ready with a hot meal and Syaoran would be more than willing to listen to them moan and complain about the unfairness of being an adult. He was imagining what Sakura had cooked for dinner when his eyes fell on the book that the girl had brought.

"Oh, that girl left her book," he picked it up, flicking through its contents. He tried to read the title and the author but he hardly understood the language. "Cru…Curam? Craa…"

"Burn them. They're obviously the spawn of evil," Kurogane plucked the book from Fai's unresisting hand but he could not make sense of it either.

"Was Kuro-tan, embarrassed?" he shot him a wry smile.

"No!" Kurogane quickly denied all accusations.

Fai resisted making any further comments. He wanted to go home too. Teasing could wait until then…when they were in front of the children.

"I'll take these with us before the cleaners throw it out. I'm sure the girl will come back looking for them," he took the book back and tucked it under his arm.

XX

The smell of Sakura's cooking was wonderful. Fai breathed deeply and stretched backwards against the kitchen chair, sitting across the sure table opposite Kurogame as Syaoran dutifully brought them their food.

"Kurogane-san, is something the matter?" the boy picked up on the man's scowl.

"He's just annoyed because people keep mistaking him for a submarine," Fai smiled innocently as he was stabbed with an icy glare.

Syaoran looked at them quiziccaly but did not ask. Months of experience had taught him that that was the safest route. He moved away their things to make way for the food. "Fai-san, is this book yours?" he asked as he picked up the dreaded book that the girl had left.

"I've heard about these books!" Sakura shortly joined them. "They're by CLAMP."

"The spawn of evil," Kurogane muttered.

His comment however went unheard by the princess as she curiously flicked through the pages. Her face dropped and she looked somewhat puzzled by the pictures inside. Turning it round for all to see, she pointed at one of the panels.

"Fai-san, what are the men on this page doing?"

* * *

Honestly, I'm rewritting the easter bunny one. I wonder what Sakura saw.


	18. Salesperson

Chapter eighteen. This is turning out to be a monster fic. Maybe not to some, but anything above twenty chapters is a big fic to me.

I remember someone once asked me if I had Livejournal. At least I think it was Livejournal since likes to censor websites and email addresses in reviews and PMs. I forgot to reply until now. Sorry. I don't have Livejournal. Always wanted to get one but I don't know anyone who has it, don't know how to get it, or how to use it. Heh, heh, I have the computer literacy skills of a six year old.

* * *

Salesman 

XX

Kurogane rested his head in his hands. There was boredom written all over his face. His eyes roamed over the mostly uninteresting, and horribly cramped, room with a sense of weariness. Next to him, Fai sat, his legs crossed on top of the table and his arms propped behind him.

His gaze wandered over to the small fan circulating unforgivably hot air around the room. Its place on a metallic rack of shelves had become cluttered with cardboard boxes of useless things and assorted junk whose sole purpose was to take up space. He glanced at Fai, who was looking at something far more interesting, and frowned.

_What is it that you want most in this world?_

_Is it good food? Good wine? Money? Fame and fortune? Friends and family? Is it love? Success? Recognition?_

_What is it that you want most in this world?_

Kurogane scowled. There was something slightly disturbing about their job. He did not like it, but he disliked going hungry even more. A rumbling stomach was always annoying. He disliked having to rely on kid and the princess to get some decent food. He disliked turning up with nothing every time that irritating manjuu bun excitedly asked him what he had brought home.

_What is it that you want most in this world?_

"Well, what do you think?"

He glanced at Fai, who was looking at him as if he expected some sort of response. He was not sure what for. He had yet to be poked, teased, labelled as something morbidly cute or subjected to some stupid act of idiocy.

"The advert. What did you think about the advert?" Fai grabbed the remote resting next to him and switched off the television.

"It's stupid," he replied without much thought. He had not paid much attention to the bright, brash, flashing colours blaring out of the idiot-box and the advert that he was supposed to have been watching largely uninterested him. He knew what they were supposed to be selling.

_What is it that you want most in this world?_

It was a stupid advert for stupid people willing to spend money buying something stupid.

"Kuro-min, you'll never sell anything like that," Fai admonished, though he smiled all the same and slipped off of the table.

Kurogane sighed and picked up a pile of leaflets. He should be grateful that they had been able to pass through so many peaceful worlds. They could not always expect to land in such tranquil and peaceful countries. Even if the work was uninspiring, it was better than a land wracked with war or suffering from disease and famine.

Then again, being bored to death was not that bright a prospect either.

XX

Fai was admirably energetic despite the summer heat wave. Even decked in light clothes – white and soft blue to reflect the heat, breezy and well ventilated – the sun was unforgivingly harsh. Even the flowers had wilted, the air seemed to waver and simmer with heat, and throughout the streets was the steady hum of air conditioning turned all the way up, blowing from the houses.

As he walked down the sleepy neighbourhood, Kurogane trailed behind him, cursing the wind for its absence and hoping for a little rain.

Fai stopped ahead of him and gestured to the other side of the road. Kurogane rolled his eyes and nodded.

They would spread out. Divide and conquer. He would tackle one side of the street and Fai the other.

When he glanced to the opposite side of the road, the man was already making his way up the pathway - little neat squares of grass on either side, blocked off by a white fence - and ringing the doorbell.

He could imagine the look of annoyance on people's faces as they grudgingly answered. Everyone, apparently, hated door to door salespeople. They were of a low and untrustworthy breed, just like lawyers, charity workers, and Jehova's witnesses.

"Excuse me, would you be interesting in purchasing the Dream Machine?" Fai had a disarming smile. He was talking unusually fast, faster than he should, in an attempt to say everything before the door was shut on him.

"Just input a few conditions and you can create your own perfect world fully geared towards your enjoyment!" he gushed. "There's no distinction between this world and the Dream world whilst your in the machine! It's tried and tested and absolutely foolproof! You can live you wildest fantasies and achieve your greatest dreams of ultimate happiness for only - "

The door slammed shut.

The Dream Machine.

Technically, it was perfect. It was the latest model to hit the streets and they were supposed to be selling it for a limited time only reduced price. A machine that lets one live their wildest dreams with optional pain stimulators in order to allow one to fully appreciate happiness. It offered both mental and physical pleasure - the ideal life.

Yet Kurogane did not like it one bit.

Even so, work was work. Divide and conquer.

XX

"Good morning! Would you be interested in - "

"No!"

XX

"Hey. I'm from Dream Machine inc. Would you - "

"Not interested."

XX

"This is Dream Machine inc! How would you like - "

"Get the fuck of my lawn before I fucking blow your bloody brains out!"

XX

"Mornin' This will only take a moment - "

"Mommy! There's a strange man outside the door!"

XX

"Good morning Miss, I'm here - "

"Ah, you must be the male stripper we hired! Come in! Come in!"

"Huh? What? W – wait! Help! Kuro-chan!"

XX

Divide and conquer.

He never knew being a salesperson could be so risky. The thought of danger, of a challenge, would have exhilarated him if the circumstances were not so undeniably stupid.

"Why the hell is it so hard to sell things? Why the hell are people so damn rude? And…and why the hell is it so hot?" Kurogane growled, massaging his temples with his fingers.

Even as the sun was sinking, the fiery heat had not abated. Their working hours were over and yet again they had come way after making a totally profit of zero. Nothing.

They stopped by the coast where the seagulls were drafting lazily through the sky and large grey rocks crowded between the dirty beach and the foot of the stairs leading up to the pathway. Even the waves hardly shifted, as if everything had decided to give up trying.

"It's hot," Fai groaned and flopped across the bench overlooking the waters. The weather was uncommonly humid. The air was too still for his liking. He shifted restlessly on the bench, trying to fight the discomfort of summer.

Kurogane, although sitting in a more dignified position, grumbled in accordance.

He too was feeling the heat waves. His brow furrowed in annoyance, finding fault with the weather for being too hot. His skin was covered by a light sheen of sweat that made him feel slightly sticky and uncomfortable. He sat against the bench, wiping away the drops of sweat beading his brow.

Fai fanned himself with a hand. "The Dream Machine is absolutely flawless. It's almost the equivalent of paradise. We should have sold every last one of them by now," he spoke in a daze.

The heat of summer had washed over them with a sense of lethargy. His words slipped out of his lips lazily. It was not worth the energy to be exuberant.

"Apparently, the people here aren't as stupid as usual."

"What do you want most in this world?" he tilted his head back, towards as impossibly blue sky, as he echoed the advert. He was not looking at Kurogane. His eyes were lost to the sky. "I always figured that there must be something that people want, something that drives them to keep on living. What do people want most in the world?"

Kurogane glanced at him, if only fleetingly.

_What is it that you want most in this world?_

"That's so obvious, even an idiot like you should know the answer," he spoke roughly. "Most people want to be happy of course."

He saw Fai look confused at that. It did not seem quite right. He could understand the want to be happy. Everyone wanted to be happy. Yet it seemed sickly sweet. Like eating too much candy, having nothing but happiness all of the time would get sickening.

Or maybe it was just sickening for the people watching.

"So the most important thing in the world to you is to be happy?" he glanced at Kurogane.

"Not really."

"But - "

"I said _most_ people," he explained and then frowned when he found that a further response was still expected of him.

What _did_ he want? Good food, of course. A warm bed was always welcome. Alcohol was never turned down either. Strength, a purpose in life…something that would not bore him to death.

_What is it that you want most in this world?_

He wanted to go home. He did not want to go home. When had he begun to feel that way? As if this journey would go on forever? As if there was nothing more than the four - five - of them travelling through space and time. As if he needed nothing more than that constant routine.

_What is it that you want most in this world?_

"I don't care if I'm happy or not. It's not the most important thing to me anyway," he looked at Fai, watching him expectantly and, for once, quite attentively. Did he not know what he wanted in life? Or perhaps Fai had a clear idea of what he wanted but was not sure if he was allowed to have it. Maybe he thought that he did not deserve to have it.

He was tempted to skewer the mood by making some irritable aside, but he had no energy to think up a grouchy remark.

He tried staring out to sea and not thinking about it.

"Y'know," he continued, a little awkward, trying to remember what he was talking about, "well…if the people around me aren't wallowing in depression or anything, then, well, I don't really care, about my happiness, I mean."

"That kindness is going to come around and bite you someday," Fai smiled softly.

"Like I care!" he snapped challengingly.

Who said he was kind anyway? He had no compunction killing anyone who came for him, he did not care for heroics, or if he was seen as the bad guy or not, he did not believe in shallow ideals spoken be cowardly leaders. If he did something good, like rescuing a kitten from a tree or something, it would only be because doing otherwise would be annoying, or he had been nagged into helping. Only an idiot, or possibly a madman, would think him kind.

Yet Fai was smiling like a fool, as if he could read his thoughts. As if he knew a secret he would not care to divulge. That look annoyed him for some reason.

"You should watch out, Kuro-min, if you're too kind someone will only end up betraying you."

Though his tone was teasing, Kuorgane took his words with absolute seriousness. He knew more than to judge Fai's mood simply by how he appeared on the surface.

"That's stupid."

"What?"

"You're the kind of moron who'd get killed saving a cat from a speeding car or something stupid like that."

"I don't think so," Fai's smile faltered just a little, just enough for him to catch, but the crack was sealed quickly and replaced by a grin. "I only seem kind. I'm not really like that, you know."

"You're a bad liar," he muttered.

A brief, strained silence fell over them. The seagulls had moved away now, becoming no more than black specks in the distance. Sunlight seared them. It pierced them with its rays.

"You'd jump out and save me, right, Kuro-tan? From the speeding car," he said teasingly.

Normalcy had returned again. It was a little disappointing.

"I wouldn't practice that theory any time soon," Kurogane snorted.

Fai's grin widened as he stood up. His hands reached for Kurogane's, fingers wrapping around wrists, pulling the reluctant man to his feet. Kurogane batted him off, looking obligingly disgruntled.

Fai withdrew his hands and placed them behind his back, away from view. "Well then, why don't you practice your kindness by buying me a few drinks instead?" he grinned.

"On second thoughts, maybe you should try that speeding car theory," Kurogane murmured, heading for home.

* * *

And there you have it. I've calmed down now, although I still have pink bunny rabbits dancing around my head. 


	19. Lifeguard

Occupation nineteen: What can be better than this? The sun, sand, sea, and of course, Fai in speedos.

Is this my quickest update? Probably not. Thanks to everyone who explained about livejournal and to those who gave me suggestions.

* * *

**Lifeguard**

XX

Kurogane waited in a small, raised hut protected from the harshness of the sun. The view overlooked a long strip of golden sand and a light blue sea that stretched far into the horizon. Reclining against the wooden chair, he propped his feet up on a small table and took in the view. People were idiots if they would actually _pay_ him for this.

The people below wore outrageously little despite being in public. Little children screamed and shouted, running along the stretch of sand to collect shells or make small castles whilst their parents lay back in the sun under brightly coloured umbrellas. People in swimsuits clamoured by the water, watching others on long boards ride the waves.

Despite the noise, his job had been easy, allowing him to relax and lie back in the sun. He did not have to be too near the people noisily playing in the water or too close to the smell of oil and sizzling, low-grade meat being turned over on the grills.

Taking in the circumstances, and that he was actually being paid to sit back and relax, he was feeling quite content.

Of course, the view greatly contributed to his good mood. The nearest coast to where he had lived was made of craggy cliff faces and hard, stony beaches looking out to a dark blue sea. Whilst not unpleasant, it was far different from the soft golden sand and translucent waters of this world's coast.

Fai was standing closer to the crowds. Not that he was more vigilant than Kurogane, just that he liked to be where all the noise was. Kurogane could see just fine where he sat and he was more than capable of making it to the water in a few seconds.

Thankfully, the man was not bothering him at the moment, allowing him to enjoy the unusual peace whilst he had the chance. The beach would keep Fai preoccupied and probably far enough from him so that he did not have to hear that loud voice. He did hope that the man would not wander too far though, especially since his eyes had a tendency to latch on to the figure of the blond man.

Fai stood at quite a distance away from him, his back turned and facing the sea. Under the sun, his hair seemed even brighter than before, a ring of white gold around the very top of his head.

Kurogane leaned forward in the shadowy hut. It was purely for look-out purposes. There was an old fan circulating the air and an old hotdog wrapper in the corner.

That damn man seemed to be occupying Kurogane's entire view. This, of course, was entirely Fai's fault since Kurogane could not see how his eyes could keep trailing back to him unless the man had used some sort of trick to fool him.

Yet he stood there, pretending to be innocent, pretending to be oblivious to the scowl Kurogane was shooting at his back. He stood there in black swimming trunks, a thin red waterproof jacket with the word 'Lifeguard' covering his back. Kurogane could tell that it was unzipped. Even Fai was not crazy enough to zip it up in the hot weather. It was definitely unzipped, giving all those in front of him a perfect view of his chest and stomach.

Kurogane scowled.

A group of young woman passed behind Fai, turning and giggling as they made their way across the beach and he felt the immense need to roll his eyes.

This exercise he was in the middle of before an ear-piercing shriek made him jump to his feet

Kurogane leaned forward. He could see people stopping and pointing out to sea. He could see someone flailing in the water, waving their hands helplessly as they fought the current. He could see Fai making his way to the water, throwing off his jacket in one, single, careless gesture before diving into the blue water.

There was little time to appreciate an almost-naked Fai. Kurogane was out of the hut and ono the beach, making his way to the water as well, in a matter of seconds. He stopped at the edge of the beach as he saw Fai reach the drowning victim. A small crowd had gathered around him, all watching with him as Fai swam back to shore.

It was a woman in his arms. The crowd parted to let him through and he laid her down on the beach, carefully, as if she were a porcelain doll. He eyes were closed and her body motionless. Fai barely glanced at her before beginning CPR.

Fai drew a breath and pressed his lips against the woman's. Kurogane quickly looked away as though he was watching a private kiss instead of someone performing CPR.

His eyes wandered to the small group of young woman that the other woman had been with. They had to be in their twenties, revealing bikinis and swim suits covering only the necessary parts of their confidant figures. They stood slightly apart from the crowd, whispering to each other behind their hands and…giggling.

He glanced back at the woman lying on the beach, motionless and…

Kurogane's expression darkened.

The damn bitch was breathing.

Suppressing the need to hit something, he took a hold of Fai's shoulder and pulled him away from the young woman.

The crowd looked at him as if he were mad. The group of woman stopped whispering and was looking at him with dark blushes across their cheeks, a mixture of wicked glee and anticipation.

"Kuro - " Fai was cut short as Kurogane applied a swift kick into the side of the 'unconscious' woman.

She instantly rolled over, curling into a ball of pain as sharp gasp escaped her lips. The girls began giggling again.

"Son of a - " the woman glared at Kurogane. She took a moment to register that he was also a lifeguard. She had not seen him on the beach.

Kurogane's glare darkened. That damn woman had the _nerve_ to fake a drowning in order to get attention and now she still had the audacity to ogle him like that!

The woman's face turned beetroot red. Muttering excuses under her breath, she gingerly picked herself up and hobbled away.

Eventually, the crowd parted too, though Kurogane could feel their looks lingering even as their bodies shifted away.

"That surprised me!" Fai fell back against the beach, wiping the water away from his eyes. Sand was sticking to his wet body. He tried brushing it off but all the grains seemed to cling onto his arms and legs.

Kurogane could not help feeling slightly exposed in swimming trunks. Not used to putting so much on public display, he felt a little strange that it was normal to wear so little in public. In his world, it would have been considered indecent.

He took off his own red jacket and dropped it on top of Fai's head. "Go back to the hut and grab a towel."

"I'll dry off in the sun," Fai pushed the jacket off and gave it back to Kurogane.

He frowned but did not make an attempt to take it. Fai was definitely too exposed. That skin of his would burn in the sun, not that he really cared about the state of Fai's skin, he just wished that he would cover up. He really, really did not want to spend the entire day looking at _that_.

_That, _of course, being Fai's only article of clothing. The tight black trunks would not have been a problem had it not been the only thing the man was currently wearing, the fact that he was also soaking wet not withstanding. It was a dangerous distraction, one that should be banned under health and safety regulations.

Yet Fai shrugged and carelessly flung Kurogane's jacket over his shoulder. "It's nice of you to have joined me. I'd feel bad if Kuro-tan spent all day locked up in that gloomy hut," his eyes gleamed delightfully.

"It's _cool_ in that hut," he murmured under his breath. It also came with a great view of Fai's –

"Kuro-chi's just shy!" Fai laughed, poking him in the stomach.

Kurogane batted his hand away, scowling as the man laughed even louder.

"Anyway, it's a good thing that woman was only pretending. Your CPR sucks," he muttered, hoping to change the subject.

Fai swiftly turned his head away from him. "Well, Kuro-chi might be better at CPR but I'm the faster swimmer!" he pouted.

"So? If you can't perform proper CPR, you're practically dragging a corpse onto the beach," he snorted.

"But you can't perform CPR whilst someone's drowning so you need to be a fast swimmer."

"I _am_ a fast swimmer!"

"Are you so sure?" Fai stared at him coyly. Before he could reply, Fai was on his feet again, calmly making his way to the clear waters. "Give me a minute to swim out and then come after me. I'll be timing you, Kuro-tan!" he yelled over his shoulder.

Kurogane waited for Fai to reach a reasonable distance before following after him with a sigh. He did not mind it if Fai was the one doing the swimming, getting soaked and then covered in sand, but he did not expect that he would actually have to do the same himself.

"Stupid, bothersome mage," he muttered and swam after him.

He current seemed intent on carrying him back to shore but Kurogane determinedly swam against the tide in long, powerful strokes. His mind was silently counting down the seconds, as he knew Fai was doing as well.

Twenty seconds and he had reached his goal. Hoisting the blond onto his back, and pointedly ignoring Fai's laughter in his ear, he made his steady way back to land.

Going back took longer with Fai's extra weight. He knew he was a little slower than the idiot on his back, but he was still faster than average. Besides, he wondered how fast the idiot could be if he had to haul an overweight holidaymaker out of the water.

He carried the blond all the way to the middle of the beach, ignoring the delighted looks of their largely female audience. He stopped near a clear spot and promptly dumped him onto the sand.

"Satisfied?" he asked.

Fai grabbed his hand and pulled him down. His face was washed with a look that Kurogane could not quite pin down, although he was suddenly strangely aware of a slightly wet and almost naked Fai pushing him to the ground.

"Not bad," he admitted. His shadow fell over him. Kurogane was still deciding whether it would be worth fighting back or not. "Now let me practice _my_ skills," Fai smiled and Kurogane decided that he was too hot to bother with resisting.

* * *

As great as it would be to see Fai and Kurogane in speedos, I wouldn't want to be on the beach with them as lifeguards. I have a feeling that they would be busier doing other things than looking out for drowning people.

Lastly, to my dear pwner, who I am unable to send a PM to, I can't take my gay fic elsewhere because I have nowhere else to go but thank you for reminding me that I have to issue a health warning. People, please make sure that you are covered by your health insurance for large amounts of gayness, crack and fluff.


	20. Child minder

A short chapter this time.Short and sweet. I'm not sure about what the proper term is. I was thinking nursery nurse or child carer or day-care teacher or… Well, it doesn't matter.

* * *

**Child minder**

XX

Kurogane let his eyes rove over the black and white print of a newspaper that he could hardly read. There was so much noise around him, the laughter was dimly annoying, and he was faintly aware of tiny little figures running in circles around his chair.

The children were bellowing the words to 'Three blind mice' at the top of their lungs whilst they ran around the play-area in paint-splattered clothes. Brightly coloured building blocks, rocking horses; miniature dolls with bubblegum hair were scattered across the floor, underneath tables, on top of chairs.

Kurogane was just about to tell the little brats to keep it down when Fai walked in, brushing the dust off of his hands. He took a glance around the room and smiled patiently.

"Okay, children!" he clapped his hands as he walked into the centre of the room, "remember now, it's not three blind mice, it's three visually impaired mice!" he cried. "Three visually impaired mice, three visually impaired mice! See how they run, see how they run!"

At the sound of Fai's off-key singing, Kurogane glanced over the top of his newspaper to where the children were playing.

"Are you insane?"

He flashed him a cheerful smile. "But it's politically correct. We can't have the children learning the wrong terms. Besides, I could get in trouble if we sing those songs."

Kurogane calmly folded his newspaper on his lap. "Are there any nursery rhymes that _haven't_ been changed?" he asked, moving his head before one of the boys could squirt him with water.

Fai looked thoughtful "Not to my knowledge."

"Humpty Dumpty?" he prompted. He did not have a great deal of knowledge when it came to nursery rhymes but ever since taking on such a troublesome job, the names of many had been forced into his brain.

"All the currently reigning monarch's horses and all the currently reigning monarch's men _and women_," Fai stressed, "because you can't discriminate against women. They can lead a country or join the army as well."

Kurogane snorted. The bright posters and boards full of children's artwork that was spread around the walls were all approved before they could be tacked onto the walls. He did not understand the big fuss around what words one could use or could not use. If you wanted to say something, then you should say it.

"Jack and Jill?" he ventured.

"That's no longer sung. It's a bad influence."

"If I recall, it's about two kids going to fetch water."

"And then Jack cracked his head open and Jill committed suicide," Fai replied, his eyes only briefly flickering across the room to makes sure the children were in check.

"Ten little Indians?"

"Ten little southern aborigines."

"I give up!" he tossed his newspaper aside.

Fai smiled. He made some comment about 'Kuro-rin' being 'so cute,' which made Kurogane bristle, and turned towards the children. Kurogane hardly heard his inane chatter about how sweet the children were and how adorable they would be when they grew up. A child was a child. Kurogane's attention wandered here and there, from two boys playing with bricks, to a girl painting a tree, to a small group of children singing as they played some sort of clapping game.

_"My boyfriend gave me an apple_

_My boyfriend gave me a pear!_

_My boyfriend gave me a kiss on the lips_

_And threw me down the stairs!"_

Fai clapped his hands again. It had become a common action when he wanted the children to stop doing something.

The children paused their activities to stare expectantly at him. Kurogane could not help but note that they looked just like well-trained dogs.

"Okay, okay! You can't sing that, kids. Why? Because abusive relationships are _wrong_. What do we do to people who are abusive to their partner?"

"We kick them in the nuts!" one of the boys demonstrated as he screamed the answer.

"My kids are so smart!" Fai squealed with delight and pulled the boy into a suffocating hug.

Kurogane felt like snorting again. He sincerely hoped that Fai never, _ever_ became a parent.

Fai must have sensed his mood for he tilted his head slightly towards him. The children were looking at them both, hesitating, unsure if they were allowed to return to their games again.

"Why don't you join in, Kuro-chan?"

He rolled his eyes. "You have to be disabled - "

"Differently-abled," Fai interjected.

" – if you expect me to join in with your retarded - "

"Mentally challenged."

" – psychopathic – "

"Socially inept."

" – politically correct songs! Stop that!" he cried and glared at him.

The children shied away, slightly scared by his temper. Breathing a sigh of exasperation, Kurogane returned to his newspaper.

"How can you be so uncooperative, Kuro-rin? You're making me do all of the work by myself!" Fai cried with a look of mock hurt.

"I just don't like kids," he muttered, too low for any of the children to hear, whilst keeping at arm's length from Fai. Insanity was contagious after all.

"But you make such a good daddy!"

"And you make such a good maniac."

"It's mentally unstable," Fai corrected him once again.

Irritated, Kurogane made some sort of indignant noise in his throat. "Don't be an idiot. If you're going to keep doin that, I'm going home," he huffed and stalked away. The children jumped aside to let him through and, outside, it began to rain.

XX

Kurogane was still slightly peeved when Fai returned home that evening. It was a pity, as Sakura had offered to make him some tea and he was beginning to relax just before Fai returned home with a bright smile and was instantly set upon teasing him for the remainder of the day.

"Ah, Kuro-chin, are you still sulking?" he made his way over to the kitchen table where Kurogane had been sipping his tea.

"I wasn't sulking," he protested and tried to turn away from the noisy distraction.

Fai smiled as if he knew better. "I'll make it up to you," he promised. Leaning over, he put his lips to Kurogane's ear, whispering things that would have made any of the kids go red.

Kurogane turned to face Fai, who was looking at him expectantly. He stood up and Fai could not hide the playful delight in his eyes.

Kurogane smiled wolfishly. "I'll make a deal with you instead," he licked his lips and drew himself closer to Fai, brushing a stray strand of blond from the man's face. "Why don't you go to the bedroom…" he whispered softly, "…and get back to me when you find the politically correct term for 'fuck you.'"

With that, he promptly turned away and walked out of the room, knowing that he was leaving Fai with a bewildered look on his face.

He grinned and shut the door behind him.

* * *

See? Fai's not the only one who can control the relationship by saying 'No sex for you!'

Thanks to everyone who reviewed and for those who helped me with Livejournal. I have an account now. http:// mizumimi. livejournal. com/ (Remove the spaces) Though there's nothing much there at the moment, you're welcome to comment, or friend me…or do whatever it is that people do with Livejournal.


	21. Performer

What? An update? Yes, 'tis true. I stopped procrastinating. Slightly cracky. I was in the mood for crack.

* * *

**Performer**

XX

Water gushed down his throat as Kurogane took long gulps. It would have been sake or red wine or some sort of alcoholic beverage but it was water that the troupe had in abundance and so it was water that he was downing at the speed of light.

Hands gripping the edge of the table at this feat of physical endurance, his chair slightly tilted on its back legs; he finally slammed the empty bottle onto the table, breathing a sigh of relief.

Fai, who had been watching with a mixture of amusement and concern, deemed it safe to lean closer across the space of the table.

"Well?" he asked cautiously.

Kurogane stared at him silently. They looked at each other intently. Without a word, they waited and wondered.

Then Kurogane opened his mouth to reply and a small hiccup broke free from his throat.

Fai sighed and smiled. Kurogane turned red. For some reason, it was extremely undesirable to be suffering from the hiccups. There was something strangely emasculating that he, the fearsome ninja that he was, should have the hiccups.

"Three litres. That's impressive, Kuro-pon!" Fai attempted to whistle and glanced at the other empty bottles littered haphazardly across the floor. His attempt to make light of the situation only earned him a disapproving glare from Kurogane.

"Shuddup!" he growled through gritted teeth, not willing to open his mouth all the way in case another embarrassing hiccup escaped. He felt his hiccups had brought along a headache. Or maybe that was just Fai.

"You know, there was a legend once. If you hiccup one hundred times in a row, you'll die!"

"I don't believe such stupid superstitions," he murmured.

"Some people say that kissing can help with the hiccups."

Kurogane emptied another small bottle in a single gulp and slammed it down on the table. "That's a lie! I've never heard of that!"

Fai shook his head. "In my country, it was a patented cure for hiccups!" he insisted, as though that alone could make Kurogane believe him.

"You're lying," he said bluntly.

"Well, water isn't helping you much, is it?"

Kurogane grumbled and stirred a spoonful of sugar into his glass. With a contorted expression, he took another long gulp.

"Try drinking it from the other end," Fai suggested. Watching Kurogane trying to drown himself internally was more absorbing than he had thought.

"You just want me to make a fool out of myself!" he scowled. Hiccups also provided a perfect excuse for his bad mood but Fai tolerated it all with a patient, and infuriatingly knowing, smile.

"Now, Kuro-chan, you can't perform with hiccups throwing off your aim, and I'm certainly not going to let you throw knives at me whilst you're like that so try it!" he urged.

Kurogane reluctantly obliged him. With much difficulty, he successfully managed to place his lips around the side of the bottle's rim. However, tipping it into his mouth was another matter. The bottle's contents spilt onto his top. His hiccups did not stop.

"Breathe into a brown paper bag for a whole minute!"

"Swallow whilst standing on your head!"

"Drink a glass of water with a knife in the middle!"

"How about - "

"Stop!" Kurogane finally thundered. His shirt was damp with spilt water and his hair was in a mess. "I'm getting a headache," he sighed, brushing his hair back into place.

"At least the cure for that is easy. Aspirin!" Fai piped cheerfully.

Kurogane glowered at him. "No, the cure for that is to remove myself as far away from you as possible."

"But how about…" Fai was cut short as the flap of the tent fluttered shut, "…being surprised."

XX

Having escaped the torture methods of a blond, mentally challenged wizard, Kurogane made himself scarce by disappearing into the storage tent to be alone with his hiccups. The tent the travelling troupe of performers had set up was adequately equipped with hoops, bags of animal feed, masks, braziers, boxes of fireworks and other things of whose use he had no idea.

The flap to the giant tent was pushed open. He readily turned around. If anyone asked, he was taking stock.

"K – Kurogane-san," Sakura slipped into the dimly lit tent. She paused by a particularly frightening clown mask before approaching him nervously.

Assuming that her nervousness was caused by all the clown related objects in the tent, he thought nothing off it when she stuttered.

"Ye - " he hiccuped. There was no stopping the damn things. "Yes?"

Sakura took a great interest in twiddling her thumbs, her gaze occaisonally rising from her hands to look him in the eye.

"K- Kurogane-san…um…err…well…Look, it's a three-headed Morgball coming to bite your head off, Kurogane-san!"

He blinked.

Sakura's index finger, valiantly thrust into the air when she had screamed, meekly recoiled. Her cheeks were coloured red with embarrassment.

He stared at the princess.

Sakura stared back, unsure of what she was supposed to do now.

Slowly, Kurogane turned his gaze towards the pile of props. "Hey," he said loudly, addressing the moth-eaten costumes and colourful brass rings. "Idiot…I know you're there."

There was a moment of hesitation before Fai reluctantly made his appearance, popping out from behind the mountain of props. He laughed weakly, a little disappointed that he had been caught out.

"Weren't you even a little bit surprised, Kuro-chi?"

The question was not deemed worthy enough for a straight answer. Instead, Kurogane muttered "Idiot," under his breath and proceeded to grumble about a hundred other unrelated issues.

"I'm sorry Kurogane-san, Fai-san said that it would help you," Sakura blushed. She had followed his script to no avail, though she was still left wondering what a Morgball was.

Fai nodded at her appreciatively. "It would, if it had worked. Don't you ever get scared or surprised Kuro-chan?"

"I do," he conceded, "I'm constantly being surprised by your stupidity."

Before Fai could make some quick remark or flail around melodramatically, gasping about what a cold, cruel father he was, Kurogane slunk away, leaving behind only a trail of hiccups in his wake.

XX

He covered his mouth, refusing to let himself be caught hiccuping again. However, no matter how hard he tried to keep them in, they always seemed to find some way of escaping.

"Kurogane-san, are you feeling better?" He barely caught sight of Syaoran befrore the boy decided to join him. The hiccups were the blame for everything, including his lack of awareness.

Syaoran seemed to have been looking expressively for him. He hoped that it was not one of the mage's insane schemes again.

Kurogane looked at him sourly and hiccuped.

Syaoran smiled weakly. "…Well, I was asked to give you this," the boy handed over a small square package wrapped tightly in yellow wrapping paper.

"What is it?" Kurogane eyed the yellow package suspiciously.

"From one of the other performers," Syaoran quickly replied. A little too quickly.

It stunk of scheming wizard.

Kurogane accepted the parcel, promptly dropping it on the floor as soon as he received it. With one last sceptical stare at the brightly wrapped gift, he stamped his foot through the middle of it.

"K – Kurogane-san!" Syaoran yelped.

The packaging ripped in two. A clown head sprang up and down on a broken coil, still laughing maniacally whilst its dismembered body rested amongst the cardboard and yellow wrapping.

Syaoran looked positively unnerved and stepped back a few paces from the doll.

Kurogane scowled at the clown's painted smile. "I'm going to kill that wizard!" he growled and skulked away, leaving Syaoran frozen in shock by the laughing clown.

XX

Fai paced around his room - once around the table, once around the bed - still deliberating how to cure Kurogane of his ailment. Since nothing else had worked, Fai was sure that scaring the living daylights out of the ninja was their only option left. If only Kurogane would have the decency to be scared.

"What would someone like Kuro-tan be afraid of?" he wondered aloud, hoping that part of the 'Cure Kuro-pon task force' would come up with a bright idea.

Sakura and Mokona glanced at each other before sinking even deeper into thought.

"Ghosts?" Mokona suggested.

"No," he waved a dismissive hand.

"Spiders?" Sakura put forth.

Fai waved the idea away. "Definitely not."

Mokona opened its mouth to make another suggestion when the flap of the tent was thrown open and the object of their troubles stormed in.

"Kuro-chan!" Fai leapt to his feet in surprise.

Kurogane took one look at Sakura and Mokona, sitting around the centre of the tent before pinning Fai under his gaze. Something was definitely strange. "What were you doing?" he asked suspiciously.

Fai's thoughts began racing madly. He could do it now, it was the perfect moment to suddenly surprise him, if only he knew what would work. A simple 'Boo!' would definitely fail. Kurogane hiccuped as he waited.

Unable to think of anything, Fai finally decided to abandon the 'scare' method and go with what he knew.

Grabbing Kurogane by the collar of his shirt before he could resist, Fai pinched and tugged him forward by the nose, pressing his lips against his. He felt Kurogane freeze with shock, his breath catching in his throat.

Fai was not sure how long they stayed like that. He imagined it was quite a while. After a delighted "Hyuuu!" from Mokona, he released his patient and Kurogane flopped onto the bed.

"See? I told you that kissing works!"

He beamed proudly. It was not the patented cure for hiccups for nothing.

"F – Fai-san! Kurogane-san's not breathing!"

Fai's head whipped round to where Sakura was shaking the ninja as hard as she could. Though he was certainly not dead, Kurogane was sufficiently 'out of it' at the moment, but Fai consoled himself at the thought that at least his hiccups were gone.

* * *


	22. Writer

Look how many month it has been! The old girl's still got life in her yet! In fact, I've been hit by a sudden wave of inspiration and now I'm churning out a load of half-finished ideas, I really have to thank you reviewers for all the inspiration. No warnings. There's nothing objectionable here sir!

* * *

Writer

XX

He had stopped counting the days, months, perhaps even the years that had passed since he had been travelling. He did not even know whether he should go by the passage of time that he had known in Nihon or if there was some sort of universal clock where time in all worlds could be counted.

In any case, it mattered very little to Kurogane how long or short their journey had been, not when he happened upon such peaceful moments.

The world was called Sandors…or Sanders or something like that. The name did not matter much either, not when they were inhabiting a cottage so far from civilisation.

Kurogane reclined against his chair, lifting a cup of green tea to his mouth. Though the kitchen was small, it was warm, pressed with a sort of comforting feeling, like a glowing fire on a rainy day. He glanced out of the window to the golden fields of overgrown barley. That idiot would be home any minute.

As predicted, Sakura and Syaoran were making lunch over the stone stove when Fai returned, marching into the kitchen, crying, "Everyone! I have an announcement to make!"

"Is it about your missing brain cells?" Kurogane mumbled and set down his teacup. He was half-expecting the wizard to make some half-cracked attempt to tease or even hug him but Fai remained rooted to where he stood, his face completely clam yet serious.

"I'm pregnant."

"Ehhhhhhhh?"

"Whaaaaaat?"

Kurogane spat out a mouthful of tea, one wild glance passed over Syaoran's shocked face, another over Sakura as she gasped, then finally to Fai, standing neutrally by the doorway. He was sure that he felt his spirit leave him.

Ignoring the uproar, Fai opened up a pad or paper and began taking notes. "Reactions of shock and disbelief," he wrote then tapped the side of his pencil against Kurogane's unresponsive nose. "Some temporary paralysis."

"F – Fai-san! Are you really..?" Sakura stuttered, staring at him with a mixture or amazement and alarm.

"Of course not Sakura-chan!" he replied brightly.

At the sound of those glorious words, Kurogane managed to overcome his trance to snap at him. "Then why the hell did you say that, idiot?" he growled as Fai flashed a brilliant smile.

"I felt like it."

His cup slammed against the table. Green tea sloshed over the cloth. Chair scrapped backwards, Kurogane rose in correspondence with his growing frustration.

A dark shadow began to swallow Fai's figure.

"I…am…going to…kill you!"

"Ah, but if I was pregnant, you wouldn't get scared and run away, would you Kuro-chan?" Fai quickly asked, temporary throwing the ninja from his violent thoughts.

"You - You can't get pregnant anyway! It's impossible!" he spluttered, cringing at the thought of an even more hormonal Fai.

"I know, but this is work," he tapped the side of the notepad against his shoulder. "I'm researching the biggest reasons why men leave their partners. So…would unexpected pregnancy be a seven out of ten?" he asked expectantly, pencil poised to note down the answer.

Returning to his seat, Kurogane felt a wave of disbelief wash over him. He knew that, when travelling through vastly different worlds was normal, nothing should surprise him anymore, he knew that but…

"Your company chose the wrong person for this," he sighed.

"This is an important task!" Fai insisted. "Besides, I'm a guy so I'm in the best position to know!"

"Then why are you asking _me_?"

"For a different perspective," he reasoned.

"It's for that trashy magazine company isn't it?"

Fai laughed. "Well, trashy isn't the word I would use…"

"Okay, fine," Kurogane conceded, turning his full attention towards him. "I would leave someone if they constantly bothered me, if they would never leave me alone, if they force-fed me stupid sweet stuff, always got me annoyed and…" he suddenly stopped ticking off his fingers when he realised that everyone was staring at him.

To be precise, Fai was staring at him. Syaoran and Sakura were simply alternating between the two.

There was a moment of pregnant silence before Fai decided to suddenly step forward and break it. "Kuro-chan's so loyal!" he grinned. "He still sticks around even though there's so much that he hates!"

"Well, it's not as if I have much of a choice," he muttered.

Fai opened his mouth to reply but thought better of it. Instead he smiled, though it was a little forced and formless.

"I'll go write this up then," he tried a more convincing smile and quickly turned from the kitchen, leaving Kurogane with the vague impression that he had said something strange.

"Syaoran-kun, Fai-san looked a little down, didn't he?" He caught Sakura whispering.

Knowing better than to let stupid things drag on into even greater stupidity, he heaved himself up with some reluctance and found his way to their shared room.

He did not bother knocking. He pushed the creaky wooden door open and immediately stepped inside.

Although it was still bright, Fai sat close to a candle, hunched over a small table where he was furiously scribbling all over his notepad. He was sure that he had been noticed upon his entrance, even if the wizard had chosen not to say anything.

With a glance around the small room, he took a seat on the bed, close to where Fai was working.

Well, this was stupid. Why was he here again?

A pause, then; "Hey, what's up with you?"

Not his most eloquent speech ever but it would do.

Fai tapped his pencil against the wooden table. "Hmmm? Nothing. Do you have more suggestions, Kuro-chi?" he said absently.

"Not really," he shrugged. The sound of a pencil scratching against paper continued in the abrupt silence. Kurogane waited a moment then said; "You know, I bet there're loads of things that I annoy you about."

The pencil ceased its scratching. Fai stopped writing for a moment to glance at him. "Don't be silly, I like everything about you Kuro-pon. Although, it would help if you weren't so growly all the time," he smiled.

"I'm not growly! And that's not even a word anyway!" he snapped back, forgetting for a moment why he had sought for Fai in the first place. Yet, as soon as he closed his mouth, he began to wonder why the wizard was not countering him with some annoying quip.

The silence lasted until Fai's chair scrapes against the hard stone floor. Without either saying a word, Kurogane felt a sudden weight press down against the bed. Fai sat besides him, still unspeaking, yet smiling ever so slightly.

"Hey, what would you think about 'Top five turn-ons' for my next article?" he murmured, staring at the opposite side of the wall.

"I would think that that's a stupid idea," he replied almost automatically.

Fai smiled knowingly. "I thought you'd say something like that."

"Well," Kurogane sighed, throwing himself back against the softness of the bed, "if you're going to do research about that too, it might not be so bad."

When Fai leaned over him, smiling as if he had known that he would say something like that as well, he could not help but smirk back.

Fai pulled a face. "Kuro-chan's not helpful at all."

"Heh, I knew that you'd say that."

"Oh?" Fai looked vaguely amused. "Shall we begin research now then?"

Propping himself onto his elbows, Kurogane smiled challengingly at him. "I knew that you'd say that too."

* * *

Well, it was going to be crack and then it suddenly took a sudden U-turn into Subtle Lane. Hopefully, I can get the next chapter up quicker. It's already five pages long and nowhere near finished! Thanks for reading! 


	23. Games designer

A fast update! I don't mind if anyone wants to offer some suggestions, they keep the muses from going cannabalistic. Oh, The Super Happy Fun Fun Journey to Enlightenment was actually a board game I made with some philisophy friends, but it's not as good as the game Kurogane gets to work on.

**

* * *

**

**Game designer**

XX

Kurogane tapped his pencil against his desk, completely and utterly bored. Now that they were nearing the end of their work, he found that he had little to do except the usual menial tasks. He was considering leaving early when a familiar face popped over the small walls separating their workspaces.

"Kuro-chan!" Fai smiled with his usual cheer, dangling a thin, shiny disc in front of his face like fish bait. "We've almost fully completed the specifics of the Super Happy Fun Fun Journey to Enlightenment! Wanna test it out?"

"Not particularly."

"Kuro-pi!" he regarded him sternly. "This is an important part of production! Games always have to be beta-tested first!"

Rolling his eyes, Kurogane snagged the disk from his hands. "Fine, I'll go," he sighed, easily giving in to insistence. He did not really care either way, though he had only been involved in character design, he could not confess to knowing what a large portion of the virtual world looked like. He suspected that it would be something like Outo.

"I already input your data so you don't have to worry. I'll meet you in there later," Fai grinned.

"Sure, whatever," he waved a dismissive hand.

As Fai left, he stuck the disc into his station, wiring it up to a small transporter. He had helped make the damn game, how bad could it be?

XX

There was a strange rushing sensation, as if he were being sucked up by a vacuum. It was not like travelling with Mokona at all. As the feeling passed, Kurogane found himself standing in an unfamiliar environment. The trees were full of leaves and the grass long, gently swaying in the wind. A sea of green unfurled before his feet, far from any sign of civilisation.

A young girl stood before him with unnaturally bright, bubblegum pink hair and a blinding smile. Upon spotting him, she bounced forward, twirling around in a bright blue sundress.

"Welcome, player!" she chirped. "Please select you level of difficulty!"

Before him, a large holographic screen blinked into existence, light grey with bright, touch-sensitive yellow writing in spindly letters.

_1. The straight path_

_2. The winding road to Hell!_

_3. Road? What road?_

Ignoring the obscure way of classifying levels, Kurogane took a wild guess and pressed a finger against the last arrow, selecting the third choice. The screen immediately disappeared only to be replaced by the ever-smiling face of his guide.

"Welcome, Player Kuro-pin!"

"Eh?" Kurogane tried not to be surprised hearing the sound of his mangled name.

The guide pointed to the large cursor hovering like a blue halo above his head. The words **Username: Kuro-pin **stood boldly emblazoned in the air above him.

Yet before he could utter a curse at the sky or, more accurately, to the man single-handedly responsible for this atrocity, a small piece of parchment and a pair of eating utensils were pushed into his arms.

"Player Kuro-pin, please accept this map of the world and a randomly generated beginner's weapon!"

Kurogane lifted his weapon with some doubt.

"Chopsticks?"

The little pink guide nodded happily, crying, "Bon voyage, Player Kuro-pin!" and, with a salute, disappeared in a bright flash of smoke.

With a sigh of reluctance, Kurogane tucked the chopsticks into his belt and checked the map. Maybe he could poke randomly generated monsters to death.

XX

Technically speaking, the virtual world was impressive. It was still being tested but he could hardly tell the difference from this fake world and the real one. The textures felt real, the people looked and sounded real. He could smell food from an open bakery window and feel the wind against his skin.

It was a beautiful world, and quite remarkable to say the least. However, there was one tiny, minute, little detail that he forgot to pry from that stupid wizard for before he had left.

How the hell did you get out?

Just when he was about to give up prying useless NPCs, whose response to his questions about the real world were 'Did you hit your head?' 'Are you on drugs, mister?' and 'Don't look at him, darling!' he heard the welcome voice of someone familiar calling him over.

Turning, he caught sight of Syaoran running towards him.

"You're here too?"

"Fai-san asked me to find you!" the boy panted, trying to catch his breath. Shortly after, another grey box, accompanied by what could only be described as victory music, played a short melody.

**[Determined Youth With Fire In His Eyes has joined your party!**

"Why is your description so long? Actually, how do we get out of this world?" Priorities were important.

"Ah, I have a guidebook here!" Syaoran hastily searched through a small, leather bag slung over his shoulder.

The guidebook turned out to be a weighty leather-bound tome full of yellowing pages and distracting diagrams. Syaoran opened it at the middle and began flicking through with eagerness.

"According to this, it says that to leave you have to travel to the nearest Portal."

Kurogane shrugged. "Sounds easy enough. Where is the nearest Portal?"

"Not far from here," he pointed east to where, Kurogane assumed, the Portal would be. "But to access a Portal you have to beat the Keeper. The book advises to form a party before trying to take on a Keeper for the first time."

A rebellious grin spread over his face. "Oh, so you have to battle your way out? That's fine by me." Maybe this world had something good going for it after all.

"Err…but Kurogane-san! Kurogane-san!" the boy caught him by the sleeve. He blushed at his sudden impulsiveness and looked down at the chopsticks tucked into Kurogane's belt. "Will you be fighting with those?"

XX

Both took to the main street, glancing into unpromising shop windows in search of suitable weapons. It was all too frustrating. The good weapons were too expensive whilst the ones that fell into their price range were ladles, spatulas, broomsticks and pineapples. They were about to give up when a sudden hand caught the bottom of Syaoran's shirt.

"Syaoran-kun!"

"Sakura-hime!" the boy looked so shocked to see her that he almost fell over himself.

"Syaoran-kun," she ran to him, looking at him pleadingly, "one of the designers at the company asked me to bring them paper but in the supply room and I…tripped and fell into one of the spare transporters."

Kurogane shrugged. "Well, at least we found you. You might as well join our party."

A pause. The three looked around curiously but not a single grey boxed appeared in front of them.

"Why isn't it working?" Sakura looked about worriedly.

On cue, Syaoran flipped open the guidebook. "It says that in cases where a player cannot join your party, you either a) have too many members or b) must fulfil a side quest to obtain them," he read.

"This game was designed to be troublesome, wasn't it?" he muttered. Of course, with people like that demented wizard on the production team, it was bound to produce annoying results.

"Oh! The pendant!" Sakura cried, flinging her hands across her collarbone. "I was wearing a pendant before it suddenly disappeared and reappeared in a pawn shop window," she pointed to an old, dingy shop.

"How can a pendant disappear?" Kurogane looked sceptical at best.

"So we just have to get the pendant back," Syaoran surmised, appearing unnaturally eager. "I guess this is what they call a quest, isn't it?"

These quests were too much of a bother. People did this for fun?

XX

The door above the old pawn shop jangled lightly as they entered. Dusty relics and old, broken furniture stood in heaped piles around the corners. Old paintings and tapestries hung lopsided from dirty peach-coloured walls. In the dimly lit store, an old man peered over the counter at his unexpected guests.

"The pendant? That'll be six hundred pell," he rasped.

"Six hundred!" Kurogane slammed his hand against the dirty counter. "Who the hell do you think you're cheating, old man? We don't have that kind of money!" he glared.

_**1. Haggle relentlessly**_

_2. Body slam with beef_

_3. Threaten to Morris dance_

"I told you, I won't accept anything less than six hundred pell!" the old man hissed.

"In cases like this, usually there is actually only one option you can take," Syaoran whispered.

"Then why the hell are they giving us a multiple choice?" he growled, feeling unfairly cheated.

_1. Continue to haggle relentlessly_

_**2. Body slam with beef**_

_3. Threaten to Morris dance_

A loud buzzing sound jarred their ears and a small grey screen popped in front of them

**[Error! Dead Cow Item is not currently in you possession**

_1. Continue to haggle relentlessly_

_2. Body slam with beef_

_**3. Threaten to Morris dance**_

"I_ hate_ this game!" Kurogane felt his eye twitch as he forced his fingers to select the remaining option.

XX

**[Amnesiac Town girl has joined your party! **

"That went well," Syaoran looked relieved in spite of Kurogane's exhausted sighs.

"Speak for yourself," he muttered wearily.

"And that nice shopkeeper even gave us extra weapons so that we would leave! How generous!" Sakura clapped.

Kurogane opened his mouth to make some sort of dry - but surprisingly witty - comment when a flying flash of blond collided into him, knocking them both to the ground with an excited cry of; "Kuro-pin!"

"Ack! I knew you'd show up!" he yelled at his attacker as he stumbled to his feet.

Fai dusted off his coat, grinning with excitement. "Leaving already? Well, I guess I'll tag along with you."

Kurogane waved him off. "I think I'll pass."

**[Slightly Demented**** Wizard has forced his way into your party!**

"I said that I'd pass!"

Though he protested, the wizard's name was already added to the party. Another box burst in front of them, brown this time, with the entire alphabet along with others numbers and symbols listed in front of them.

**Please select name:** …FAI… (Default)

Kurogane wiped his hand over the name and re-entered a group of different letters

S…T…U…P…

"Kuro-pin! Don't change my name!" Fai swiped his hand through the holographic box, chasing it away with his name unchanged.

"Why not? You changed mine!" he snapped back.

He was about to draw his chopsticks and try out that 'poke to death' theory when the sound of a bell rang above them with an announcement.

**[The path to the Portal has opened up**

The sooner they got back the better

XX

Eventually - it was always eventually, Kurogane dryly noted - they found their way into a secluded castle where the Portal and its Keeper supposedly resided. For some reason their journey felt strangely short yet, at the same time, unecessarily long.

The hallways were vastly empty, both cold and draughty, rusted swords clenched tightly in the hands of giant suits of armour. They pressed forwards, into a large, circular chamber brightly lit by torches where the lofty ceiling flattened out far above them.

It was simply an ordinary room. Kurogane turned; ready to walk away, when the ground suddenly began to tremble.

**[Announcement: Boss battle about to begin. Please check your equipment**

"I am Krah, the Mighty!" a voice resounded across the stony walls. A giant of a man stepped forward, seeming to simply materialise within the room. He looked like something straight out of a children's fantasy book. Even the thunderous, booming voice was everything Kurogane envisioned a giant would sound like. "If you wish to leave this world you must defeat me first!" it cried.

As the echoes of his stomping feet faded away, everyone drew their attention to another, more diminutive sound. The sound of clapping.

"That was impressive, Krah-sama!" Fai walked across the room to stand by the giant's side.

Syaoran stared, perplexed. "F – Fai-san! What are you - "

"You see, Syaoran-kun, the role of Keeper is an important one, so we selected several members to support the NPCs in order to ensure that nothing…messy happens," he explained.

"And why wasn't I informed?" Kurogane looked positively irritated.

"Kuro-chan, you should know that the Character design departments are never told anything!" he cried with a maniacal laugh befitting of his role.

"Fai-san, it can't be!" Sakura gasped.

"Sorry Sakura-chan, it's part of the job" Fai smiled apologetically.

Another grey box popped up.

_1. "No, I refuse to fight a treasured friend!"_

_**2. "Fiend! Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!"**_

_3. "I like turkey!"_

Slowly approaching him, Kurogane drew his sword at the wizard. "I'm going to enjoy kicking your butt!"

"If you can," he replied challengingly, leaning over to carelessly flick the bright blue letters above Kurogane's head.

"Did you just_ ding_ my User name?" he yelled incredulously, sharply stepping back. For some reason, he felt strangely violated.

Ignoring his outrage, Fai flung his arms over him, temporarily preventing him from moving about.

"Krah-sama, please have mercy on this rabid, highly unintelligent mortal!"

"Who the hell are you calling unintelligent? Get off of me!" Kurogane shoved him off, immediately proceeding to chase after him, sword raised, with the sole intent to commit murder most foul.

Fai instantly took flight in the opposite direction, wailing, "Krah-samaaaa!" as he ran around the castle, destruction following him wherever he went.

Stupified, the giant watched as the room slowly disintergrated into ruin. "W – Wait! My castle! You are destroying Krah the Mighty's castle!" he extended a hand in a vain attempt to stop them from making anymore walls crumble and floor crack.

"I told you to stop fondling my User name!"

"But it tickles when I touch it!"

Slamming a giant hand against the far wall, a beam of purple light sprouted forth, casting the room in a lavender haze. "The Portal is open!" Krah roared. "Get out! Get out!"

Grabbing Sakura's hand, Syaoran wasted no time in pulling them both into the Portal, soon followed by Fai who was still being pursued by an angry Kurogane.

As the Portal closed up again, Krah surveyed the destruction of his castle. Though merely a collection of computer codes, he still felt a large wave of relief that they were gone.

XX

Within Kurogane's workspace, the transporter began flashing rapidly. In a sudden spark of light, the four travellers tumbled across the floor, dazed, weary and mostly hoping never to return. However, Fai looked up from the floor with a cheerful grin.

"That was a pretty good game, don't you think?"

* * *


	24. Policeman

Hello there! Another chapter and I'm using yet another nursery rhyme. Is it some sort of fetish? I'm quite excited about this chapter because it's my first time trying my hand at mystery/crime. Looong chapter this time, I believe the longest I've ever written. Well, without further ado...

* * *

**Policeman/Detective**

XX

"What's the matter, can't you move?"

Someone was laughing. Who was that damn bastard that was laughing at him? It did not sound anything like Fai's voice, or Mokona's childish laugh, and the kids wouldn't laugh at his immobility. This was different. A dark, sinister sort of laugh that threatened to choke him with only its sound.

He tried to move and found that he was indeed paralysed. As his eyes slowly opened he found that he was almost blind as well. He did not know where he was and the dark grey background was blurred and warped.

"Now that you've got me all figured out I'll have to deal with you quickly," the owner of the voice smiled teasingly. He was the only thing in the word that he could see with distinct sharpness, as was the meat cleaver in his hand.

Unfortunately, the man was wrapped in a black shroud and his features hidden from his scrutiny. However, Kurogane was sure that he had never seen such a man before.

"Don't bother thinking about him. He won't come."

He? Who was he? Who was not coming? Where was he?

"Did you drug me?" he groaned. That was the only explanation for the heaviness of his limbs and the cloudiness of his senses.

The man observed the edge of the cleaver, ignoring his question. Turning to him, he smiled wickedly and lifted the cleaver, the edge glinted brilliantly bright against the light of the moon.

"Here comes a candle to light you to bed."

_Whack_. The edge buried itself into the wall, mere inches from his neck. He had not realised that he was pinned to a wall.

Again, the cleaver rose. "Here comes a chopper to chop off your head."

Again, the edge was buried inches from his neck. No, it had come closer this time.

"Chip," the man laughed with twisted delight. Each time he rose the blade he swung it down faster and closer to his head.

"Chop."

"Chip."

"Chop."

It was a mere centimetre away. The man's smile had become wild and vicious, the smile of a demon. It seemed too big for his face. Exploding into maniacal laughter, he rose the cleaver far above his head, screaming with pleasure as he swung it down as fast as a guillotine's blade.

"The last man's…DEAD!"

"Kuro-chan!"

XX

"Kuro-chan? Kuro-pon?" Fai waved his hand in front of his face, startling him as he awoke. He sat bolt upright, staring wildly around him, unable to fully shake himself from his dream.

Fai looked at him, almost smiling. "A nightmare?"

"What?"

"Or are you nervous?"

He glanced around again, remembering where he was. It was horribly cramped and stuffy in here, their black car had leather seats that were positioned too close to each other with windows that were too small and wheels that were too big.

Fai sat in the driver's seat; he could not believe that he had let himself sleep while that idiot had been behind the wheel. Luckily, they were not moving but quite happily parked in the middle of a deserted street. Kurogane groaned and slumped against the seat, already tired.

Since he was paying Fai no attention, the man chose to lean closer, asking, "Are you really inside there, Kuro-pin?"

"Don't get so close!" Kurogane irritably shrugged him off. There was not enough space inside the car for teasing. Pushing the door open, he stepped outside into the night's air, the bitter winter chill bit him straight away but he shrugged and simply pulled his long coat closer.

The door opened on the other end and Fai stepped out as well, coming round to stand besides him despite his earlier warning. Though it was almost pitch black save for the oil lanterns swinging from nearby houses, the distant roar of traffic thundered by. Drunken laughter punctuated the air and, occasionally, strings of music from an accordion floated towards them.

It was the sort of night that gave pleasure to those indoors, away from the cold and sharp frost coating the cobblestones. Where they stood, the grey streets were gloomy and depressing, without another human life around.

Fai stamped his feet, trying to rid himself of the frost and stared curiously at the large, dark church they were parked in front of.

"The chief said we have to stick together on missions like this," he smiled despite the cold. "If I'm going to stick to you, I have to be close."

"Go stick to a wall," Kurogane grumbled and walked toward the church's entrance.

They unlocked the iron gates quite easily, with the latest string of murders occurring in churches all over the city, they had been given express permission to enter any chapel, church or cathedral they chose.Moving silently, they slipped through the heavy double doors and into the place of worship. Rows of benches along white stone columns led to the pulpit where a large, expensive organ stood before an arched stained glass window. Fai moved forward and lit a cluster of candles at a table, the light created islands of gold that illuminated splashes of the wooden floor and spheres of a cherub-painted ceiling.

"Looks like no one's home," he murmured. Everything was absolutely still.

Kurogane grunted his agreement. It seemed like a waste of a trip to be sent so far from the office just to investigate. Though there was a growing trend of worshippers finding dead girls in white on their altars every Sunday, this one seemed quite empty.

He was on the verge of suggesting that they leave for tonight when he felt Fai suddenly stiffen besides him.

"What was that?"

"What?" he warily searched the empty benches. "Don't freak out over every little thing."

Fai's eyes were scanning the painted ceiling, unconvinced. "But I really thought I heard something, Kuro-chi," he muttered.

Kurogane frowned. It might just be nerves or a trick on the ears but he was reluctant to dismiss it. Even though it would be troublesome, he pulled away with a sigh, moving purposefully towards the furthest bench from the pulpit to where a small staircase led to the bell tower.

"I'll check it out. You stay here," he said.

Fai quickly grabbed his sleeve. There was something in his manner than made him grow tense. "Something's not right. I can feel it," he whispered and, as quickly as he had caught him, he released him again to search another part of the church.

XX

As soon as Kurogane left him, Fai made for the back of the platform. A dark green door stood hidden behind the brass organ. Glancing back once, he grabbed the handle that led to the priest's study and swung it open.

The door creaked on rusty hinges, in the silence the sound was so loud and grating and Fai could not help but wince.

He stepped in, instantly becoming rigid at the sight of a single, lit candle. Someone was here. Even without the candle as an obvious signal, he could feel the presence of someone else lurking amongst the shadows of the tall bookcases, watching and waiting to waylay him

A slow step forward took him to a desk and a wide set of windows. He could see better here but his watcher could see him more clearly as well.

Then he turned around. He almost shouted in surprise. Blood stained the wall opposite the window, leaking from a girl slumped at its foot.

The crimson blood was deeper and darker against the white of her dress, which seemed to glow in the light of the candle and there, painted on the walls in that very same blood was the words - he knew enough of the language to read it - Oranges and lemons.

Before he could make a move towards it, something suddenly leapt from the shadows. An arm barrelled into his chest, knocking him off his feet. A loud clatter of books falling from the shelf. The sound of metal being drawn. Fai quickly jumped to his feet but when he tried to take a step forward he found that he could not move an inch.

Looking down at his feet, he almost wanted to curse. The blood, almost invisible against the dark carpet, now began to glow in the shape or an intricately drawn circle. A sealing spell.

The thing the had attacked him crept behind his back. Something cold touched his neck and the next thing he knew he was in a stranglehold, pinned to the wall.

Wincing with pain, Fai opened an eye. The thing was a man, his face and body almost completely covered by a dark purple cloak and hood.

The man stepped forward, smiling maliciously. His head bent forward, he buried his nose against the folds of Fai's coat, inhaling deeply as though he were smelling some sort of divine perfume. "You smell like…magic. What are you?" he spoke in a lazy drawl.

"It's rude to ask someone for their name without giving yours first," he coughed, choking, and tried to smile in defiance.

The cloaked figure laughed. The sound made him shiver. It was a delicate, musical laugh, lighter than a feather, dancing on the air. The man moved gracefully, waving a hand in the air as if performing some kind of dance. "Nevermind. I think I have an idea what you are anyway," he smiled, releasing him from the stranglehold.

Fai coughed, gasping for breath. He tried to clutch his throat but found that he was still unable to move. He cursed himself for his carelessness. He did not think that there would be magic in this world.

"A barrier."

"You _are _knowledgeable," the man could not hide the admiration from his voice. "Then, do you know about Oranges and Lemons?" he asked hopefully.

"What?"

A finger was pressed against lips. In the dim light, Fai could just make out those red lips and a dark green eye from under the figure's hood.

"It's a secret. Something passed down through the ages, hidden in plain sight. A…"

"Summoning ritual," he finished. He had studied volumes of magical lore in Celes and picked up odd pieces of knowledge from the other countries he had passed through. The circle of blood drawn in the priest's room was most definitely a magic circle of some kind.

"You're not familiar with the song?" the man looked disappointed, offended even, as if this ignorance had ruined his game. "That's a pity, and here I was thinking that you might have been of some use." Brightening, he smiled and cracked his fingers together. "Well, there's no harm in opening you up and looking inside, is there?"

As he stepped closer, his shadow was thrown over Fai's figure, swallowing him up in its darkness. A pale, thin hand stretched out towards his face.

Fai felt a flutter of panic spark in his chest as the hand loomed closer and closer. "W – wait, what are you doing?" he struggled, tried to fight his invisible bonds, but it was useless, he could not move.

"Pardon the intrusion."

That cold hand covered his eyes, shutting the light from his eyes. Nails dug into the side of his head but that pain was nothing compared to the feeling of something white and burning searing into his mind. A brilliant heat was burning his brain, slipping into his memory, taking his thoughts as fuel and moving deeper and deeper into his very being.

His heart was beating until it threatened to explode. In the midst of his pain, he heard his own voice screaming.

XX

Kurogane burst into a run the moment he heard that familiar scream. Almost tripping down the stairs, he ran into the main hall. No, it was empty. He glanced around wildly, his sword tightly clutched in his hand. The scream had come from further than the hall.

Running again, he jumped around the pulpit and towards the green door, wrenching it open. His thundering footsteps suddenly halted as he skidded to a stop in the centre of the room.

A single candle burnt its life away but he had no care for it. He stared instead at the picture of the dead girl lying by the wall and that large lines of blood streaked like a frozen waterfall down the wall.

Fai stood absolutely still, illuminated only by the orange candlelight. His head slightly tilted to observe the obscene words along the wall, he seemed more like a porcelain statue than a living being, his eyes misted with a far-away look.

Kurogane frowned, and stepped forward cautiously. "Hey, are you okay?"

Slowly, he came back to himself. His head slowly turned and blue eyes gradually became clear and aware of themselves. "Yes, I was just shocked, that's all."

"What happened?"

Fai blinked. It was an extremely difficult question to answer. He hesitated, a small frown creasing his brow. "Um…I…" he ran a hand through his hair. Another pause. He was deep in concentration, as though his mind was trying to grasp at invisible wisps of smoke. "I, uh, just stumbled upon her." His reply was given with a wobbly smile.

Kurogane sighed. "Come on, we'll get someone to come and look at the body."

"Sure."

By the time they returned to the car, Fai was already in a perkier mood. He gained his former cheerfulness and, as he fell into the driver's seat, began to hum a foreign song.

"What's that?" Kurogane enquired after the unrecognisable tune.

"Oranges and Lemons."

XX

He was humming that song again.

Kurogane's eye twitched irritably. He had not cared for it at first but it had been almost a week since he had first heard that song and Fai had been humming nothing but that same nauseating tune over and over and over again.

Sighing, he tried to block it from his ears, along with the complaints of the other members of the department.

"I don't believe it! This makes it the ninth girl to be killed in a month! This guy's a freak, he kidnaps girls, dresses them up in white, and then kills them, leaving this crap behind," a large, burly man flung a pile of paper onto the desk with a look of exasperation. "And what the hell do people expect us to do about a guy like him?"

"Fai-kun!" A pretty, young woman shook his shoulder, thankfully interrupting his humming. She pushed a piece of paper in front of him, adjusting her spectacles as she leaned over him. "Take a look at this. It's the same message that was found with every other victim."

"That garbage?" Kurogane grunted. He did not need to look at it to know what it was. Oranges and lemons - that same damn passage over and over again at every crime scene where every girl had been found dead and dressed in white, murdered in a church or chapel.

Fai nodded. He had a headache but he tried to smile anyway. "Do you have any idea what it means?"

The woman looked at him oddly. "It's a saying, isn't it? It means 'It's all the same.' Like, if someone was complaining that a shop was overpriced and someone said 'It's all oranges and lemons to me' he would really mean 'It's all the same to me'."

"And? What does that have to do with this serial killer?" Kurogane grunted.

"Ah, you've got me there. I have no idea," she laughed, much to the disappointment of all present.

XX

"_Two sticks and an apple say the bells of Whitechapel_

_Maids in white aprons say the bells of St Catherine's"_

Daylight filtered through the rustling branches, gilding the park in gold. Though it was a bleak morning and still very cold, the sun made Fai brighten and the open air was refreshing compared to the claustrophobic offices full of paperwork and constantly ringing telephones.

All sorts of people passed him and he reclined against the back of a wooden bench; men in black suits and top hats discussing the races, ladies in wide dresses and heavy winter coats twirling parasols as they went, women in mismatched woollen clothes and dirty-faced, stout working men. They all passed without ever seeing him but he was focused on a group of laughing children singing a song as they played.

The church bells were tolling the hour and the children formed a line before two others who had linked their arms to form a sort of bridge. Or maybe it was a guillotine.

"_Old father Bald Pate says the bells of Aldgate_

_Oranges and Lemons say the bells of St. Clements"_

"Hey." Fai had been so absorbed in watching their game that Kurogane almost startled him when he appeared behind him. He smiled in reception and Kurogane frowned, taking a seat besides him. He was silent for a moment before he spoke "Don't get too involved. It's not like we'll be sticking around this world for much longer," he advised him.

"Oh, is Kuro-chi worried about me?" he smiled.

"It's just that every time you do something stupid, you get me dragged into your mess, that's all."

"_You owe me five farthings say the bells of St. Martins _

_When will you pay me say the bells of Old Bailey"_

"What an interesting game," he commented, pretending that Kurogane had never said anything.

"Oranges and lemons," he grunted. After listening to Fai humming that song for days, he was quite familiar with its tune. Fai laughed as if he knew what he was thinking but his laughter was short-lived and ended abruptly. "What's wrong?"

Fai rubbed his forehead. It was aching again, a dull, throbbing sensation burnt his head. "Nothing. Just a slight headache, that's all," he muttered. For some reason, he was thinking about their last investigation. It had been secretly bothering him for days. "Kuro-chan…what happened last week?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Last week at the church. What happened?"

Kurogane's expression told him that he had just asked a stupid question. "You found the dead girl but the culprit had long since disappeared. Nothing happened yesterday," he replied as if the answer was obvious.

"_When I am rich say the bells of Shoreditch_

_When will that be say the bells of Stepney_

_When I am old says the great bell of Bow"_

The air grew still and the wind died down. The frantic wings of a bird beat the air into motion, fluttering above their heads; a desperate distraction.

Fai stared at his hands resting in his lap. "…Is that the truth?"

"Of course it is!" Kurogane snapped with a start. Such a blunt question was the last thing he had expected Fai's pensive mood to produce. "Why the hell would I lie to you about something like that? Lying is _your_ speciality, not mine," he bit back, offended that he was even suggesting that he might be lying.

There was a long silence between them, a terrible space of nothingness. Fai's lips moved slightly but uttered no sound. He could not speak. What could he say? His heart was pounding as though he had run a thousand miles but he did not know why.

"Fine, if you don't want to believe me then that's your problem," Kurogane grunted. Rising to his feet, he stalked away in a foul mood.

"_Here comes the candle to light you to bed_

_Here comes the chopper to chop off your head"_

Fai watched him leave, shocked, though he was not sure what was more shocking; the fact that Kurogane had left him so abruptly or that he had provoked him into doing so. He closed his eyes and slapped a hand over his forehead, sinking down the bench. Why had he said something like that? What was wrong with him?

The rustling leaves were reprimanding him. Sunlight burnt through his eyelids.

"Kuro-chan…"

"_Chip, chop, chip, chop – _

_The last man's dead!"_

* * *

No, that's not the end! This job turned out to be really long so I cut it into two parts. The conclusion should be up withint a week or so but I'll give a prize to whoever can figure out how the rhyme links in with the string of murders! Am I the only one who thinks that oranges and lemons is a really morbid song? 


	25. Policeman Pt2

(Collapses and dies)

* * *

**Policeman Pt2**

XX

He was sticking pins into a map of the city.

An oversized map of the sprawling city streets and the murky rivers that flower through it lay spread put over the entire length of his table. He scanned the pink blocks marking every house and hovel, every bakery and brothel there was. The grandfather clock in the corner was ticking off the seconds a little too loudly. Sixty more to go and it would chime the midday bells in unison with the city's church bells, playing a familiar tune.

Fai bent over the map, sticking in brightly coloured pins every so often, one for every church, one for every murder.

"The first victim…found dead inside Whitechapel cathedral," he muttered to himself as he traced his fingers along the thin lines of the map. "The second girl was discovered in St Catherine's. The third was…"

He continued to stick pins into the map until all nine previous murders had been located. Stepping back, he stared at his work with a frown forming on his face.

"This is…" he trailed away, sighing. The bright pinheads formed some sort of odd pattern but he could not remember where he had seen something similar before, certainly it was nothing like the symbols he had learnt in Celes. Something he had picked up from his travels?

If he ran a line through the points, it formed an odd sort of hexagon but then there was a point inside the hexagon that seemed placed there quite randomly. It made no sense.

He was sure that he had seen a picture of it somewhere before, perhaps in some other world. Somewhere…

Sighing again, he grabbed a corner of the map and rotated it another way. Still no good. Like a portrait without a face, no matter how he tilted his head or from what angle he stood, it was never complete.

With a sense of defeat, he threw himself into his chair. His head was hurting again. Maybe he should go outside and get some fresh air. The sunlight would do him good and the trees would provide enough shelter for the harshness of the rays.

Trees would be nice.

"My head's in a jumble today," he sighed to himself. Something must be wrong with him if he was dwelling on trees.

The clock continued to tick too loudly.

What good would trees do?

Ten seconds.

Soon the bells would begin to chime that sinister song.

He could hardly believe that he was still thinking about trees.

The cuckoo burst from the grandfather clock.

Something sparked his memory. The bells sounded in unison, echoing over the murky brick houses as they sang that song throughout the city Two strides took him to the small bookshelf next to the clock. It was full of usually useless information, its occupants mere dusty relics whose yellowing pages could hardly be read, their impressive leather-bound covers more for appearance than for any specific reading value.

Fai grabbed the first book on the third row. He knew where he had seen that strangely shaped hexagon before. He had even read about it here, in this world, in a book from this office. How could he have been so careless as to forget?

Dust had gathered on the front. He hurriedly wiped it off with a sleeve and flicked through its contents, eyes following the pages as rapidly as they passed.

"The tree of life," he smiled as he uncovered what he had been searching for. Perhaps now things would begin to make sense.

However, his victory was short-lived. On closer inspection of the picture inside the book, it was obviously different from the pattern he had formed on his map. It was missing a point. There were only nine out of the ten points.

Bringing the book closer, he pressed a finger against the paper map, running it down the spindly line of streets, it came to a stop exactly where the tenth point should have been.

St Pate's chapel

Old father Bald Pate.

XX

"There you are, I was looking for you!"

Fai came marching down the hallway just as Kurogane entered the building.

"What is it?" he frowned, shrugging off his heavy coat.

"I think I know where the killer will attack next. Come with me!" Fai grabbed at his hand only to be quickly shaken off again.

"I don't think you should be doing any running about," Kurogane said sternly, folding his arms so that he could not grab him again.

Normally he would have expected to receive a laugh in return, or maybe some off-hand remark, a good-natured slap to the back and a teasing comment meant to aggravate him even, but now he granted none of them. Instead, he was treated to silence and a slightly bewildered stare that was only a little marred with uncertainty.

"…Why not?" he said after a time. Fai looked a little lost. "Why not, Kuro-chan? Is there something you're not telling me?"

Kurogane's eyebrows furrowed. He opened his mouth as if to speak but thought better of it and silently shut it again.

Fai tried to laugh but it only came out as a half-hearted, abrupt kind of sound. He tried clearing his throat to make up for the awkwardness of it, tried running a hand through his hair only to feel a sharp pang spark in his head.

It hurt. Every time he tried to think, it hurt.

He was aware that Kurogane was staring at him, but, even when he heard him ask; "That night when we found the dead girl, something happened, right?" with a grudging tone that clumsily tried to cover up his concern, Fai still did not know what to really say.

"I don't think so."

"I left you alone for a while but it's still time enough for something to happen. Did you see the one who killed the girl? Or - "

"I already told you!" he snapped. The look of shock on Kurogane's face was almost priceless but it was incomparable to the look gracing Fai's own face. This was not like him.

What was he like then?

"I told you that nothing happened. Don't you trust me?" he sighed, sounding a little more irritated than he had intended

"That's my line," Kurogane muttered, before returning the favour by stealing one of Fai's. "Do you really trust me?" he asked. Just by studying his expression, it was hard to tell if he was annoyed with him or not, though for some reason Fai was certain that he was.

"I…" he paused the instant he had begun to speak. Some distant part of him wondered why the words that normally would have come so easily to him were now getting lodged in his throat, as if they refused to be spoken. "I do trust you," he said at length, though it felt as if he were lying.

He felt Kurogane study his expression for what felt like an eternity. It made him feel uncomfortable, as if Kurogane could see right through him. What was he looking for? Was there a trace of something suspicious on his face? Or was he just imagining this awkward pause?

"Okay," Kurogane finally sighed, "I'll go with you, but you're staying close to me."

XX

The chapel was, in reality, tiny in comparison to the other churches and cathedrals they had visited so far, but when they stepped inside the empty hall, it felt unnervingly vast. The wood was old and smelt damp, long beams sagging under the weight of a spiked roof. The windows were plain and covered with dust, cobwebs creeping along corners of the rafters and across the podium.

"This is the place, right?" Kurogane glanced around the deserted chapel.

"Yeah," Fai wandered further in, to the podium where the sermons would be given.

They searched the main hall but found no signs of anything suspicious. The pastor's room was old and full of dusty books, none of which seemed particularly useful, a long corridor filled with oil paintings lead to the ante room, which turned out to be merely large and empty.

Fai sighed at their unyielding results. Despite the seeming peace of the chapel, the air felt a little too thick for him to disregard it. It felt…like that night when he…when he…

He frowned and rubbed the butt of his palm against his throbbing forehead. The motion did not go unnoticed by Kurogane, who moved closer, but before he could catch a hold of Fai's wrists, Fai suddenly stiffened, turning wide-eyed to the doorway they had just walked through.

"Over there!" he suddenly cried, bursting into a run.

"What? Hey, get back here, you idiot!" Kurogane cried, startled, and lunged for him, missing his sleeve by a hair's breadth as Fai went racing into the hall. "I told him to stay close to me!" he threw open the door to the hall, biting back a curse as he quickly gave pursuit.

He did not have to run for long, however, for by the time he reached the main hall where the sermons would be given Fai was already running back to him.

"Kuro-chan! Did you see him?" he panted, stopping short before him.

Kurogane's brows furrowed at this odd question. "See who?" he asked.

"The man! He ran right this way!" Fai cried breathlessly.. "You didn't let him get away, did you?"

"I didn't see anyone!"

"But I definitely saw him. He was running right for you!"

Before Kurogane could open his mouth to protest, a shrill scream pierced the air. They both spun around simultaneously and began running in the direction of that sound.

Kurogane arrived on the scene first, pushing open the door to the ante room. He stopped short, Fai almost colliding into his back. Upon the far wall a circle had been drawn in blood, the same haunting words running down the middle of the circle. However, both their eyes trailed downwards, to the foot of the wall, where there lay, slumped and drenched in blood, the body of a girl.

"This makes ten," Fai muttered in awe, as if he could not believe what his very eyes were showing him.

"How did anyone get past me? I didn't see anyone!" Kurogane growled, frustrated. Something was definitely amiss, what was infuriating was that he did not know what was causing it.

"Really?" the question was automatic. Fai slapped a hand over his mouth as though he were not responsible for the words that came from them.

"Yes, really," Kurogane replied tersely. There was another mystery standing right in front of him. He just wished that someone would point out who was responsible so that he could beat the living hell out of them and order them to fix that idiot wizard.

He did not know of any technology that could alter someone and there was no magic in this world that he knew of so why was Fai acting so strangely? Brain washing? He waved it off as ridiculous.

Fai's hands curled into fists, his breath hitched in his throat. He did not know why he felt so angry, or why he felt a little betrayed - what was there to feel betrayed about? - only that he could hardly contain his rage inside of him.

"I told you someone came your way but you keep insisting that you saw no one. Every time I ask you what happened at that cathedral, you always say it's nothing," he gritted his teeth. "I…I don't _trust_ you anymore, Kurogane."

In that moment, it felt as if he had done something terrible.

* * *

A big thank you to all those who reviewed and reminded me that I still had to finish this. I know, I totally pushed this back. Anyway, part three will definitely be the finale. Again, I had to split it in half before it became monstrously long.


	26. Policeman Pt3

Yes, I thought it would never happed too but I finally updated and so I can finally slap a nice happy 'Completed' tag on this.

* * *

**Police officer Pt3**

XX

The nursery rhyme definitely had something to do with these murders, Kurogane was sure of it, even if the rest of the department would laugh it off or refuse to believe it. Even though he believed that firmly now, ten people had died and nothing had happened. The number of churches had already been expended. Did this mean the end of the serial murders?

No, he was sure that it was only just starting.

His pen clicked against his paper. Deciphering the rhyme. Would have been a lot easier if he did not have to worry about a certain idiot. It was obvious that something has happened to him, he was not acting like his usual self, but just what had happened was a mystery. From the looks of things, Fai had had his memory, or at least part of it wiped. He was reluctant to probe the man in the unsteady state he was already in and, all things considered, he probably knew as little as Kurogane did.

He sighed and looked over the rhyme once more. The 'Maids in white aprons' part had to refer to the dead girls, that much was obvious and all he really understood.

Someone had explained to him the meaning of oranges and lemons before but he could not see how that would tie into anything that had been happening and the rest of the stupid rhyme was quite frankly baffling.

"Two sticks and an apple say the bells of Whitechapel." he read aloud, squinting at the strange script on his pages. The language was so inconvenient to read with all these swirls and unnecessary curls.

"What do the two sticks mean? Magic staffs? Is an apple some sort of magical fruit in this country?" he muttered to himself. Magic was not commonly known in this world and he had assumed that it did not exist here but, with last night's incident in mind, he was beginning to rethink that position.

"What are you blabbing about?" Kurogane looked up long enough to glance at a young man stooping over his shoulder to read the pages spread across his desk before returning to the books.

Frowning, the man placed a hand over the pages, blocking them from view. "Two sticks and an apple obviously refers to the crucifix and the fruit of knowledge," he said, as though anyone with half a brain would have known that.

"Fruit of knowledge?" he batted the man's hand away from the book.

"You're not religious, are you?" he thinly smiled, pretending as if he had never touched him.

"I'm not familiar with this country's religions," he deigned him with a curt response, only half listening as he read.

The man rolled his eyes. "The fruit of knowledge was mankind's downfall. It's sometimes called the fruit of temptation," he said in a matter-of-fact tone that could do nothing but irritate. "Basically, the crucifix was a torture device where…well, _God_, I guess, died."

"Gods can die in your religion?"

Ignoring his question, he continued with the lecture. "There was something that happened about a century ago where some lunatic tried to do the same. Yeah, some crazy priest started slaughtering his congregation. Said he was going to summon the devil. Can you believe it? There's no such thing as devils and demons, though I guess in those days they were willing to believe anything!"

"Who was this priest?"

"Father Pate. You went to his chapel yesterday. Geez, do you pay attention to anything the chief says? It's right here, see?" he pointed at a dotted map.

XX

"Where did Kurogane go?" Fai asked, looking around as he entered the main office.

From the crowded desks, snowed under with books and maps, a man lifted his head from the endless amount of paperwork. "No idea. He's probably gone home already," he sighed, scratching his head.

"He wouldn't leave without me…at least, I don't think that he would," Fai muttered. Lately, he was becoming less and less sure of things that he once held almost as certain as solid fact.

"Oh yeah, he was interested in that chapel you went to before. You know, Bald Pate's chapel?" the man said, and all Fai managed in response was a small, insignificant, "Oh."

XX

The chapel was old and abandoned, Kurogane had to pry some of the boards nailed over the entrance before he could squeeze through.

Inside was a dusty cavern of discarded benches and crumbling statues. The moonlight shifted through the stain glass windows, leaving haunting imprints on the faded floor. The altar was broken, wood lay scattered over the floor. Kurogane waved away the dust and proceeded cautiously towards the centre.

A sudden rush of wind attacked him from the side. In the sudden storm, he was just barely able to draw his sword.

The wind ended abruptly but he did not let his guard down for a second. A flash of grey passed over the corner of his vision. A slip of someone's cloak caught his eye. A second later, the blade of his sword met the steel edge of an axe with a clang that echoed throughout the chapel.

Biting back a curse, he shoves the cloaked figure back and positioned himself to charge at the man. Whoever he was, he was obviously no sword fighter for his movements were amateurish and ungainly, his arms hardly able to support the weight of his axe.

Yet, despite his disadvantages, the figure did not seem worried. As the moonlight passed over his face, Kurogane caught the sight of a smug smile just before the man swung his heavy blade of his axe at his head.

Too predictable. He had him now. Swinging his sword to meet him, Kurogane pivoted to one side, whirling around him until he got a clear shot of the mane's back. However, as he swung his blade down the cloaked figure disappeared before his very eyes. The sudden shock caused him to pause for barely half a second, yet it was enough time for the man to reappear behind him.

Before he could retaliate, large chains burst from the ground around his feet, throwing him against a crumbling wall. They naked up his arms locking him in place and his sword fell to the ground uselessly.

"What the hell? Kurogane cursed his carelessness.

The figure disappeared again, phasing in and out between the air, closing the distance between them with every reappearance.

"Good evening!" he smiled shrewdly.

"M - magic!" Kurogane inwardly swore. He had been sure that there was no magic in the world, although that was no excuse.

The man's face brightened with happiness. "Oh! Here's another one who recognises my craft! Come to think about it, that other guy was with you that other time, wasn't he? He was most interesting and so helpful too. I was surprised that such a powerful mage would be lurking around here but, well, it wasn't that hard to crack him open. These magic types always forget about protecting themselves from the inside as well as the outside."

"So you're the bastard that I can thank for his strange behaviour. What did you do to him?" Kurogane growled, struggling against his bonds. It was no good; they were holding tight. The man smiled, stirring his anger to fury. "I asked you what the hell you did to him!" he snapped.

"Oh, I just messed with his head a little," the man smiled like a cat who had found something more interesting to toy with. "Do you know the song oranges and lemons?" he asked. "Your partner didn't."

"The words," Kurogane reluctantly admitted. He had to force his words through gritted teeth, angry that he was even deeming to speak with such an insane man.

"Only the words?" he cried with disappointment. "Well, I'll gladly enlighten you. The true meaning behind the song - it's a song about Bald Pate, the cleric who sold his soul to the devil!"

"Is that what this is? An attempt to summon a demon?" Kurogane hissed.

"Two sticks and an apple - sin and temptation," he continued, ignoring him. "Maids in white were the sacrifices needed to summon a demon,"

"And you plan on sacrificing me too? Hate to break it to you but I'm no maiden in white."

The man flashed him a devilish smile. "On the contrary, you're the last man."

"The what?"

The man waved a dismissive hand. "Oh, that doesn't matter this late in the game. Anyone's blood will do for the final stage of the summoning."

"Well, that's comforting," Kurogane muttered under his breath.

The man turned his back to him, lifting his arms to the lofty ceiling in praise. "Old Father Bald Pate is this chapel, the place built disguised as a place of worship is really a sacrificial ground. The blood of many has seeped into these walls!" he cried, breathless with awe.

"Oranges and lemons - humans are no more pure than the devil. The cleric, Pate, who saw this became disillusioned and attempted to summon a demon in order to raze this corrupt country to the ground and rebuild it anew!"

Suddenly, he spun around again, pressing himself to Kurogane's body. He tapped the edge of his axe a mere inch away from his ear. Smiling teasingly, he dragged the blade down until it just barely bit into his shoulder, deep enough to draw a trickle of blood.

"However, he was lacking in blood money," the man sighed, amused. "The remaining lines are self explanatory - a conversation between the cleric and the devil. Since he could not pay the amount fully needed to summon a demon, it killed him in his sleep."

"I suppose that you plan on doing the same as this stupid cleric did," Kurogane glared at him, refusing to be intimidating by the axe about to severe his arm or the close proximity of the hooded man.

He shrugged blithely. "Yes, but I won't make the same mistake. I have almost paid the necessary amount of blood and made the sacrifices in all the necessary places. I don't suppose your partner will be coming. I thought it would be rather nice to spill the blood of someone with magic in their veins."

"I'm so sorry my blood doesn't meet your high standards," he retorted.

"It's no matter. Blood is blood in the end," the man shrugged, either missing or ignoring the sarcasm in Kurogane's comments.

He swung the axe above he head, a devilish gleam lighting in his eyes, it was almost insane.

"Here comes a candle to light you to bed," he chanted "Here comes a chopper to chop off your head. Chip…chop…chip…chop…the last man's…dead!"

With as much force as he could muster the man swung the axe forward, poised at a slant to take Kurogane's head and an arm with it.

However, the blade never touched, no blood gushed out, nothing was severed. When Kurogane opened the eyes he had not realised he had been closing, the man's back was turned and Fai was in front of him, a metal pole in his hands currently locked with the man's axe.

"So you decided to join the party after all!" the man cried with glee. He was a child simply searching for fun and the more the merrier in his opinion.

They broke away and Fai leaped aside, close to Kurogane. He slid the pole through one of the links and violently twisted it until the links snapped.

"Are you okay?"

"Peachy," Kurogane muttered, although he was secretly glad to have been asked, even if it had merely been on impulse.

"What are you doing? Who do you think organised this whole thing?" the man hissed, pointing an accusing finger squarely at Kurogane.

"Who would believe a ridiculous lie like that?" he snapped. It was an insult to his intelligence.

However, Fai seemed mush more susceptible. He paused and glanced from Kurogane to the man, looking very much lost and unsure of what to do next. Sensing this, the man spoke triumphantly, raising his hands in the air to make wild, confident gestures.

"Honestly, how much do you know about that man? How many secrets is he keeping from you? You don't know what he could do!" he cried.

Fai opened and closed his mouth. He winced. His eyes darted around the chapel. He was at odds with himself, struggling to chose which emotion to follow. Faith and mistrust battled for control, leaving him stranded until he waited for his body to reach a verdict.

Using his hesitation to his advantage, the man mouthed a few silent words. Lights swirled around his outstretched palm, bursting into scarlet flames.

"Get back!" Kurogane yelled, barrelling in to Fai's body. They both crashed to the ground as the fire blazed above them. The flames caught the benches and fire spread throughout the chapel.

"Why did you do that?" Fai asked, bewildered.

"Oh, I don't know. Because you were about to be roasted alive, maybe," Kurogane snapped, made irritable by the fact that the man seemed to have the upper hand against them.

Fai brought a hand to cover his mouth as the smoke billowed throughout the building. He rubbed his watering eyes, and tried to wave away the smoke around his face. It created a veil which obscured their surroundings in a cloudy haze. It as hard to tell where their attacker had gone but there was no doubt that he was still there, somewhere.

As the fire continued to blaze, Kurogane tugged at the hem of his sleeve, nodding towards a dark shape in the midst of the smoke hovering around the centre of the wrecked benches.

"You sneak around that side and go up there. We'll catch him off guard!" he ordered, pointing towards the podium.

"Wait!" Fai made to grab Kurogane's sleeve but he was already on the move. His fingers fell short and Kurogane disappeared into the grey smoke.

With no other option, Fai found his pole and crawled - on his hands and knees to avoid breathing in the ash - towards the podium. He managed to make it half way there before he froze, the sound of singing halting him in his tracks.

Perhaps singing was giving the sound too much credit. It was more of a low, listless hum, the tune of 'oranges and lemons' piped softly yet clearly from nearby lips. Fai forced himself to keep crawling, finally finding his way to the podium where he positioned himself behind the altar, hidden from view yet no clearly able to see the man's cloaked back just a little below him.

From the corner of his eye, he also spotted Kurogane moving amongst the shadows. Fai glanced away for a moment and suddenly Kurogane had charged forward. His breath hitched in his throat. What was he supposed to do? Was he supposed to attack now?

Blood flew into the air, a cry rang throughout the chapel. Fire turned to ice, merciless chards punctured the floorboards. Kurogane hissed as the shards scrapped his leg, drawing at thin line of blood but he did not allow himself to be deterred from his target. Charging head on, he slashed aside the blades of ice thrown at him as his blade met with the man's axe.

They danced around the spikes, their breaths coming out in wisps of vapour in the frozen air. Steel ringing against steel, their clashes shook the rickety walls. All the while, kurgan's eyes burned with frustration and Fai, watching knew that he was wondering just where the hell he was and why he had not attacked as they had planned.

Should he do as he had been instructed? Kurogane had been acting oddly lately and Fai was no longer sure if he trusted his judgement. What is it was a trick. He vigorously shook his head. There was no reason for Kurogane to try to trick him, he knew that yet still he hesitated.

A sudden gust of wind threw Kurogane backwards. The back of his legs hit back of a bench and he almost toppled over. Words were muttered and the ice returned to flames, greedily waiting to engulf him just as Kurogane twisted his body, falling just short of the flames, onto the ground. He cursed and rolled over, blocking the blow to his head as the man descended upon him. He kicked him off and leapt to his feet, swinging his sword in a horizontal arch.

The man grinned and pivoted, twisting behind him with his axe raised to sever him in two.

Fai's body moved on its own bidding, he had not even realised that he was attacking until his arms had swung the pole into the man's shoulder with a sickening crack.

The man screamed and stumbled back, clutching his shoulder. He glared hatefully at Fai and assaulted him with a whip of fire. Fai jumped back as Kurogane ducked beneath the flames, thrusting his sword forward, plunging deeply into the man's chest.

Blood tickled from his mouth. The man struggled, cursed and then fell limp as the flames coursed around him.

XX

The police force quickly arrived on the scene with the fire fighters as the building burned to the ground. Kurogane walked away from the blaze as men in blue uniforms and striped jackets rushed on to the scene. He had done enough work for the day.

Amongst the dancing shadows, he spotted Fai sitting on the edge of the pavement, watching the fire attentively. Someone had given him a heavy brown blanket to keep out the night's chill but it lay uselessly draped over the cobblestones besides him.

.

"How are you feeling?" Kurogane approached him.

Fai rubbed his head thoughtfully. "I think that man must have left some of his influence in my mind when he first entered it, that's why I was so - "

"Don't worry about it."

Fai frowned. Regardless of his words, he was obviously going to keep worry about what a maniacal stranger had done to his head. "I'm sorry. I do trust you," he looked away apologetically.

Kurogane decided to neither accept nor deny Fai's apology. He remembered when they had just began travelling together, it seemed like a century ago, he had not trusted Fai then and he doubted that the man had trusted him either. It was hard to believe how they had possibly progressed to the stage they were in now. Whatever stage that was.

"Don't look so damn glum. You helped out in the end, didn't you? Though you took your time," he added.

Fai shook his head. "It wasn't a conscious decision. My body sort of moved on its own," he admitted, ashamed.

Kurogane sighed and fell on to the floor next to him. "I think I remember someone saying once that the body remembers what the mind forgets," he said, though it did not seem to comfort Fai as much as he thought it would. "Will you be okay?" he asked.

He nodded. "Since he's dead, his influence should fade from me over time," he assured him, however, Kurogane knew a lie when he saw one. He could also spot a half-truth. For all Fai's reassurance, he could not quite hide the uncertainty from him.

"Here," he threw the brown blanket over his head, "get some rest."

Despite the fact that it was itchy and felt like sandalwood against his skin, Fai clutched the edges and wrapped himself in a cocoon of brown blanket.

"Thank you."

Kurogane could tell when Fai was lying and when he was only telling half-truths. He could also tell when the man was actually being sincere.

"…I'll be glad when we get out of here," Fai added on an after thought, laughing a little.

The sound was somewhat comforting.

* * *

Ah, it feels good to finish something! Now I can die in peace! A big thank you to everyone who has been reading this fic. I'm sorry for being such a procrastinator.


End file.
